It wasn't your fault.

I was offered a job, at winter break in December. Had I of rejected the offer, my life would have proceeded without incident, and I would still be in school, and my confidence, sense of selfhood, credibility, and sanity would be intact. I would have rested for two weeks and gone back to school without incident.

I accepted the job. This pushed my mental facilities to their absolute limits, and shattered my sanity after a week. Had I not been working, the psychotic break would never have occurred.

It was my choice, and I knew when I got the phone call that something inside of me should have trusted my gut. I am not making any implications beyond the fact that I should have rested after finals and all of the emotional and mental strain I'd been through. I should not have accepted the offer.

But I accepted, and so here we are. Caylus still exists perhaps in that alternative reality, the one where I turned the offer down.

Or at least, there is something we all must tell ourselves to get by.