OP, The only thoughts I have is to say you have the right to be having a hard time.
I do know from experience that prayer does work and if you can't pray right now, we will for you.

I also know looking back that God was with me at my darkest times.
He IS with you and he will comfort you OP.

Matthew 5:4 King James Version (KJV)
4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.