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Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided

 
Adamic Seed
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User ID: 45931
Canada
02/19/2007 01:51 AM
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Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
...as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.

Witnesses were aghast, amazed, astonished, astounded, bemused, benumbed, bewildered, confounded, confused, dazed, dazzled, disconcerted, disoriented, dumbstruck, electrified, flabbergasted, horrified, immobilized, incredulous, nonplussed, overwhelmed, paralyzed, perplexed, scared, shocked, startled, stunned, stupefied, surprised, taken aback, traumatized, upset. . . .
joke circulated on the Internet
December 2003

[link to grammar.ccc.commnet.edu]
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User ID: 190462
United States
02/19/2007 01:58 AM

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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
Jokes like that make me want to connect one of my arc welders into the internet and fry, cook, burn, vaporize, bake, broil and blast the friggin thing off the planet sometimes.
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Ooooh, see the fire is sweepin' Our very streets today...
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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 53226
United States
02/19/2007 01:58 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
thumbs



loved it, thank you!
OCKER1

User ID: 159967
New Zealand
02/19/2007 02:03 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
scratching words fail me
measure twice cut once
2XSecretAgent

User ID: 164883
United States
02/19/2007 02:11 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
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There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.
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2XSecretAgent

User ID: 164883
United States
02/19/2007 02:12 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
scratching words fail me
 Quoting: OCKER1

hey Ock! Nice to see you - it's been awhile!
Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
-------
There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.
-------

Contact: [email protected]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 189103
United States
02/19/2007 02:39 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
Sticks and stones...
2XSecretAgent

User ID: 164883
United States
02/19/2007 02:58 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too.

He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The other guy says, "Well, it just happened, it was a tongue twister accident.

See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'....so she socked me a good one."

The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue-twister too.

I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my
wife, "Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.'

But I accidentally said, 'You have ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed bitch.'
Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
-------
There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.
-------

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Muse

User ID: 6242
United States
02/19/2007 03:13 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
>>Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight:"Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get
rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone
who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery down stairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
"What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM.
Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet
in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"<<
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 197813
Canada
02/19/2007 03:49 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
Tonights lecture on procrastination has been postponed.
i is that which i is

User ID: 155774
United States
02/19/2007 03:59 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
Top Ten Ways You Know You Joined The Wrong Church

10. The church bus has gun racks.

9. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor, and Socio-Pastor

8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."

7. There's an ATM machine in the narthex.

6. Choir wears leather robes.

5. Worship services are B.Y.O.S. "Bring your own Snake"

4. No cover charge but communion is a two-drink minimum.

3. Pastor regularly attends meetings at Las Vegas.

2. Ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"

And the number one reason you know that you joined the wrong church...

1. The Women's Quartet are all married to the Pastor!
"I am not afraid to stand alone, but it's always more fun if I have friends standing with me." Lena Coleon.
*~BLUE DOLPHINS~*

User ID: 197683
United States
02/19/2007 04:14 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
 Quoting: 2XSecretAgent





lmao


tha's a good one !
~What the caterpillar fears as death, the Master welcomes as Butterfly~
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 162124
Canada
02/19/2007 04:42 AM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
Two old Jewish guys are sunning themselves by the pool at a Miami condo complex.
The firsy guy says, "So you're just down here for the winter?"
Guy number two says,"No actually my wife and I just moved here from Chicago. We had a fur shop there but last year we had a fire, so we figured what the heck, What's the sense in trying to rebuild the business now, at this late stage in our lives. So we took the insurance money and retired down here. How about you."
The other guy says, "What a coincidence, my wife and I had a business in New York, but we had a flood and we thought exactly the same thing. What's the point of rebuilding, we've worked hard all our lives. Let's just take the insurance settlement and retire in Florida, so here we are."
The first guy says, Oh really, let me ask you something. How do you start a flood?"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 302266
Japan
09/23/2007 12:48 PM
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Re: Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided
bump





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