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Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?

 
PACNWguy
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02/21/2007 05:50 PM
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Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
by Ben Shapiro

Posted: 02/21/2007

Scientists reported this week that on April 13, 2036, an asteroid has a 1 in 45,000 chance of hitting Earth. The good news: No Tax Day, 2036. The bad news: An entire city or region could bite the dust.

"We need a set of general principles to deal with this issue," explains former astronaut Rusty Schweickart. To that end, scientists are calling on the United Nations to take action. The Association of Space Engineers will present a plan to the UN in 2009 involving the construction of a "Gravity Tractor," which would alter the course of potentially threatening asteroids.

You can just imagine what the UN member states will have to say about this idea.

IRAN: "Space is a decadent Western lie. It does not exist. Asteroids are no more real than the Zionist Entity. It is possible, however, that the 12th imam is riding this so-called space rock. In that case, we can only hope that he steers it into a large building in a major American city."

CHINA: "Such use of space simply escalates the global arms race. Who is to say that America will not construct such a 'Gravity Tractor' in an attempt to nullify our missile capabilities? Of course, we were never thinking of using such missiles anyway, but it's the principle of the thing!"

VENEZUELA: "This is a plot by the Bush administration to escape culpability for America's part in the global warming crisis. Satan W. Bush is deflecting attention from the fact that America is heating Earth up like a giant microwave. Bush is hoping that the asteroid hits Venezuela, ending the global warming crisis by blotting out the sun."

NORTH KOREA: "Kim Jong Il is the Lode Star of the 21st Century, the Master of the Computer Who Surprised the World, Power Incarnate with Endless Creativity, Guardian Deity of the Planet. Fear not, Earthlings! Kim Jong Il will save us yet. By the way, will saving Earth get Kim Jong Il a headline? He'd really like one."

SAUDI ARABIA: "This all stems from the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. We will be proposing a seven-point plan designed to create a Palestinian state."

MEXICO: "All we ask is that the prospective inhabitants of this asteroid be allowed free emergency medical care in the United States."

FRANCE: "There is nothing to worry about. When the asteroid shows up, we will provide token resistance before allowing it to roll down the Champs-Elysees. Wait, are you saying that this thing could hit the Louvre?"

CUBA: "This asteroid represents the impending victory of international communism. The exploitation of the bourgeoisie has created an underclass that will rise up in the aftermath of this glorious strike against capitalist society."

RUSSIA: "Is there any way we can sell pieces of this rock? Anybody?"

SWITZERLAND: "We will do everything in our power to prevent this asteroid from hitting Earth. Unless that means doing something. In that case, we'd prefer to stay out of it."

On September 21, 1987, President Ronald Reagan spoke before the United Nations. "Perhaps we need some outside, universal threat to make us recognize this common bond," he said. "I occasionally think how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world. And yet, I ask you, is not an alien force already among us? What could be more alien to the universal aspirations of our peoples than war and the threat of war?"

It was a nice sentiment, but Reagan was mistaken. The UN would not be able to get together over something as simple and universal as the threat of an asteroid striking our planet. They would quarrel and babble; they might send a slightly perturbed radio message to the asteroid. And, in the end, the asteroid would nail us.

What hope, then, for the UN actually coming together to mitigate the threat of war by hemming in aggressive and hostile countries like Iran and Syria? The probability that one of the two nations will foment major acts of terrorism is far higher than 1 in 45,000. Yet the UN will do nothing.

The good news: We have 29 more years before we have to worry about the asteroid. The bad news: We don't have anywhere near that kind of time with our earthly foes.
OBAMA - THE FASTEST FAILED PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY

"I inherated and I am Great!"
Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 06:02 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
They'd sit around debating how to for months on end and when finally done blame the US.
Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 06:05 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
i bet it will cost about $9,999,999,999,999,99,9,9,99,99,99,,99,9,9,9,,9

or more to find out


and another $9,999,9,9,9,99,9999,9,9,999,9,9,9,999,9,9,9,99,9,


to formulate a plan and then

$9,9999,99,,999999,9,9999,99,99,9999999,99,99,999,99,99

to build soethjing that falls over due to a faulty window wiper

and then they hold a party costing $9,9999999,9999,9999,9999,999999999,9



to celebrate the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

they skimmed off you for a big firework

lmao
Sudel_Tekneeq

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02/21/2007 06:09 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
Well, IMO it shouldn't cost a thing as it's a way to escape the destruction of the entire planet. It should be a responsibility of every human being, community based.

Would the UN *STOP* an asteroid? Who the hell knows?

Would they try? Quite possibly, however a 1:45,000 chance of it striking Earth is still quite high.

I think I'll ASSUME, with a grain of salt.. that they'd use this probable impact as an excuse for all nations to band together and try and take out this asteroid, regardless of how high the chances of it not striking are. Hence the NWO.
The blackening of roses will send you to the edges of the land/
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Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 06:09 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
Only the Mighty Jew G-d can stop an asteroid.

Lettuce pray to the Mighty Jew G-d for salvation.
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
02/21/2007 07:00 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
oh its great.

Perhaps they will try and negotiate with it, maybe impose sanctions, perhaps encourage it to take a bribe.

But we know one thing for sure - no direct/meaningful action will be undertaken.
PACNWguy  (OP)

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02/21/2007 07:09 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
I really thought this was pretty funny. The author nailed the nations.

lol
OBAMA - THE FASTEST FAILED PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY

"I inherated and I am Great!"
Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 07:13 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
oh its great.

Perhaps they will try and negotiate with it, maybe impose sanctions, perhaps encourage it to take a bribe.

But we know one thing for sure - no direct/meaningful action will be undertaken.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 191668


Thats phuckin rich chuckle
PACNWguy  (OP)

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02/21/2007 07:14 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
Bribes and kick backs work best for the UN.
OBAMA - THE FASTEST FAILED PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY

"I inherated and I am Great!"
Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 07:18 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
The UN can't even stop the genocide in Dafur......
Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 07:19 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
Bribes and kick backs work best for the UN.
 Quoting: PACNWguy


If the Jewish g-d could make the waters of the Red Sea part, then why can't he re-direct a little bitty asteroid?
D. Bunker

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02/21/2007 07:22 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
The UN would threaten the astroid with sanctions and give it 60 days to reconsider.
:savetata:


Favorite Quote - "I just fucking love outer space, it has all those planets and stars and shit." - Mister Obvious 2009
antilib

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02/21/2007 07:23 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
The inside scoop is that a space station in orbit or on the moon will be set up to house the elite as the asteroid destroys the earth...

They feel they are the chosen ones and are best suited to repopulate the earth..

The rest of us are fucked and on our own...right after we pay their way...
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
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Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 07:24 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
The UN would threaten the asteroid with sanctions and give it 60 days to reconsider.
 Quoting: D. Bunker



After 60 no resolution was made, the UN would give them another 60 days.......




and so on, and so on...........
taddyporter
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02/21/2007 07:27 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
Bribes and kick backs work best for the UN.
 Quoting: PACNWguy

If I didn't myself live in the PACNW,I'd say let it hit here,to wipe scum like you off'n the planet.You are the biggest piece of shit,hiding behind the flag,911 and the bald eagle.Go blow Kristol.
Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 07:44 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
No. They can't even stop assholes.
Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 07:48 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
The UN would threaten the astroid with sanctions and give it 60 days to reconsider.
 Quoting: D. Bunker

And the U.S. would invade it and invoke a regime change.
gooderboy

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02/21/2007 07:48 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
"Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?"

I really don't know... so maybe help me out a bit here, and if ya would... and like, what else have they stopped?
Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 07:49 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
Only Jewish G-ds can prevent Asteroids!
PACNWguy  (OP)

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02/21/2007 07:52 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
Bribes and kick backs work best for the UN.

If I didn't myself live in the PACNW,I'd say let it hit here,to wipe scum like you off'n the planet.You are the biggest piece of shit,hiding behind the flag,911 and the bald eagle.Go blow Kristol.
 Quoting: taddyporter 83397



God,,,another ankle biter high school drop out troll. this ones for you asshole.

:2trolls:
OBAMA - THE FASTEST FAILED PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY

"I inherated and I am Great!"
Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 07:57 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
the asteroid is a weapon of mass construction and must be stopped!


lets wage war on the asteroid! 5a
Anonymous Coward
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02/21/2007 08:01 PM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
Let's just ask the Jewish G-d to send it off in another direction.
Anonymous Coward
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08/04/2020 04:59 AM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
oh its great.

Perhaps they will try and negotiate with it, maybe impose sanctions, perhaps encourage it to take a bribe.

But we know one thing for sure - no direct/meaningful action will be undertaken.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 191668


In 2012 they were all told very seriously, to start working together for just that occurrence.

How do you think they are doing so far?
Anonymous Coward
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08/04/2020 05:48 AM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
Lets drop one on it and find out.
Anonymous Coward
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08/04/2020 06:05 AM
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Re: Would the United Nations Stop an Asteroid?
They will call it a Racist asteroid and jazz hands it away...





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