When do you know your marriage is done? | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 72036582 United States 04/21/2017 11:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I am married to a very hard working man who makes very little time for me. Quoting: Lonely 46048251 I feel like I'm the very last thing on the list on the check off. We have kids. I feel like I am so far down the totem pole as to what his priorities are. If you are married to a super busy/workaholic spouse, can you chime in? When does it become a marriage that needs to be terminated? I feel so insignificant to him. I don't know what to think. I'm just so sick of being the only one to say "we need a date night" or, "we need to make sure to spend time together".When I say these things he makes them happen, but why isn't always me who has to say it? I have told him that I need these things over and over. Honestly, I think he thinks I will always be there. I'm not sure. Can anyone else relate? Yes, I know I'm on a freaking conspiracy forum, but damnit, I need someone to relate to me. This being the "supportive spouse" can become a very lonely place. Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalms 37:4 Read your Bible, draw closer to the Lord. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 69313682 United Arab Emirates 04/21/2017 11:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I hear what you're saying...but I don't think you're giving him enough credit for providing. Making enough money to support a wife & kids can be an unbelievable about of stress and work! Have you ever considered spending time together by having a "him night"? If he comes home tired and mentally fried, you could have a movie ready for him to veg-out to...serve him dinner in front of the TV and massage his head. You could tell him how much you appreciate him (you'd be surprised how far that can go). A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Are you both pulling in the same direction? Aiming for the same goals? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 66442308 United States 04/21/2017 11:21 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I am married to a very hard working man who makes very little time for me. Quoting: Lonely 46048251 I feel like I'm the very last thing on the list on the check off. We have kids. I feel like I am so far down the totem pole as to what his priorities are. If you are married to a super busy/workaholic spouse, can you chime in? When does it become a marriage that needs to be terminated? I feel so insignificant to him. I don't know what to think. I'm just so sick of being the only one to say "we need a date night" or, "we need to make sure to spend time together".When I say these things he makes them happen, but why isn't always me who has to say it? I have told him that I need these things over and over. Honestly, I think he thinks I will always be there. I'm not sure. Can anyone else relate? Yes, I know I'm on a freaking conspiracy forum, but damnit, I need someone to relate to me. This being the "supportive spouse" can become a very lonely place. I'm sorry. Was he like this when you met? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 74735853 United States 04/21/2017 11:22 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 46048251 Canada 04/21/2017 11:25 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I hear what you're saying...but I don't think you're giving him enough credit for providing. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 69313682 Making enough money to support a wife & kids can be an unbelievable about of stress and work! Have you ever considered spending time together by having a "him night"? If he comes home tired and mentally fried, you could have a movie ready for him to veg-out to...serve him dinner in front of the TV and massage his head. You could tell him how much you appreciate him (you'd be surprised how far that can go). A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Are you both pulling in the same direction? Aiming for the same goals? I think we are. We have the same financial goals if that's what you mean. All of the super serious stuff, our ideals fall in line with one another. He is also one of those "I do everything on my own" types. Like, it's very uncommon for him to ask me to do something for him. He rarely asks me to serve him, if that makes sense. When he does, I do it in two seconds. I he asks me for a drink, for instance, I will go and get it for him. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19768363 Canada 04/21/2017 11:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm just so sick of being the only one to say "we need a date night" or, "we need to make sure to spend time together". When I say these things he makes them happen, but why isn't always me who has to say it? Quoting: Lonely 46048251 In the first ten years of your marriage, how many times did he ask for a date night and you said 'no'? Sometimes a man stops asking when the failure rate gets to a certain point. Might be why you always have to say it. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 73749101 United States 04/21/2017 11:29 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71542903 Italy 04/21/2017 11:32 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 46048251 Canada 04/21/2017 11:33 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If he isn't cheating I wouldn't throw him over for being hard-working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 73749101 He's not cheating. I can not complain about money really, it's just the connectivity. I don't know. I take care of the kids and the house and at the end of the day, I look forward to spending time with him. It's Friday night and he is in bed. And this is quite common. It makes me sad and realize why some decide to quit on their spouse and seek out someone else, honestly. This road can be damn lonely. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 74736806 Belgium 04/21/2017 11:33 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 46048251 Canada 04/21/2017 11:33 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 72036582 United States 04/21/2017 11:34 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If he isn't cheating I wouldn't throw him over for being hard-working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 73749101 He's not cheating. I can not complain about money really, it's just the connectivity. I don't know. I take care of the kids and the house and at the end of the day, I look forward to spending time with him. It's Friday night and he is in bed. And this is quite common. It makes me sad and realize why some decide to quit on their spouse and seek out someone else, honestly. This road can be damn lonely. What kind of work does he do, and what are his hours? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 73852373 United States 04/21/2017 11:34 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I am married to a very hard working man who makes very little time for me. Quoting: Lonely 46048251 I feel like I'm the very last thing on the list on the check off. We have kids. I feel like I am so far down the totem pole as to what his priorities are. If you are married to a super busy/workaholic spouse, can you chime in? When does it become a marriage that needs to be terminated? I feel so insignificant to him. I don't know what to think. I'm just so sick of being the only one to say "we need a date night" or, "we need to make sure to spend time together".When I say these things he makes them happen, but why isn't always me who has to say it? I have told him that I need these things over and over. Honestly, I think he thinks I will always be there. I'm not sure. Can anyone else relate? Yes, I know I'm on a freaking conspiracy forum, but damnit, I need someone to relate to me. This being the "supportive spouse" can become a very lonely place. No! Don't give up! Keep going! Like Churchill said: "When you find yourself in hell...keep going!" Remember...you made *vows*! Honor your vows! For better or worse...honor your vows! Best advise I can give is to get TIGHT with Jesus and trust Him! NOBODY that has fully surrendered to His Lordship has EVER been disappointed with their decision to follow Him...EVER! God Is! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 74736806 Belgium 04/21/2017 11:36 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If he isn't cheating I wouldn't throw him over for being hard-working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 73749101 He's not cheating. I can not complain about money really, it's just the connectivity. I don't know. I take care of the kids and the house and at the end of the day, I look forward to spending time with him. It's Friday night and he is in bed. And this is quite common. It makes me sad and realize why some decide to quit on their spouse and seek out someone else, honestly. This road can be damn lonely. my brother did the same. he changed from happy-go-lucky to deadly serious provider and his priorities were quite clear to me: 1) Kids 2) Job 3) Wife and I wondered about it but after a few years it made more sense to me. |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 46048251 Canada 04/21/2017 11:36 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I am married to a very hard working man who makes very little time for me. Quoting: Lonely 46048251 I feel like I'm the very last thing on the list on the check off. I'm sorry. Was he like this when you met? No. But that was before kids and a 30 yr career where there is more pressure and responsibility. I'm seriously seeking advice because I need it. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 68716405 United States 04/21/2017 11:37 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 46048251 Canada 04/21/2017 11:37 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If he isn't cheating I wouldn't throw him over for being hard-working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 73749101 He's not cheating. I can not complain about money really, it's just the connectivity. I don't know. I take care of the kids and the house and at the end of the day, I look forward to spending time with him. It's Friday night and he is in bed. And this is quite common. It makes me sad and realize why some decide to quit on their spouse and seek out someone else, honestly. This road can be damn lonely. my brother did the same. he changed from happy-go-lucky to deadly serious provider and his priorities were quite clear to me: 1) Kids 2) Job 3) Wife and I wondered about it but after a few years it made more sense to me. And how did your brother turn out??? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 74736806 Belgium 04/21/2017 11:38 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If he isn't cheating I wouldn't throw him over for being hard-working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 73749101 He's not cheating. I can not complain about money really, it's just the connectivity. I don't know. I take care of the kids and the house and at the end of the day, I look forward to spending time with him. It's Friday night and he is in bed. And this is quite common. It makes me sad and realize why some decide to quit on their spouse and seek out someone else, honestly. This road can be damn lonely. my brother did the same. he changed from happy-go-lucky to deadly serious provider and his priorities were quite clear to me: 1) Kids 2) Job 3) Wife and I wondered about it but after a few years it made more sense to me. fyi, he's been married 31 years now, his kids moved out several years ago, and he and his wife had trouble readjusting for several years, reshift in priorities and time, etc. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 47643906 United States 04/21/2017 11:39 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 46048251 Canada 04/21/2017 11:39 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If he isn't cheating I wouldn't throw him over for being hard-working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 73749101 He's not cheating. I can not complain about money really, it's just the connectivity. I don't know. I take care of the kids and the house and at the end of the day, I look forward to spending time with him. It's Friday night and he is in bed. And this is quite common. It makes me sad and realize why some decide to quit on their spouse and seek out someone else, honestly. This road can be damn lonely. What kind of work does he do, and what are his hours? He's a manager at the top level he can get. His hours are 7-5 or 6 or 7 plus dinners if there are visitors, etc. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 74732331 United States 04/21/2017 11:39 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 74736806 Belgium 04/21/2017 11:40 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If he isn't cheating I wouldn't throw him over for being hard-working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 73749101 He's not cheating. I can not complain about money really, it's just the connectivity. I don't know. I take care of the kids and the house and at the end of the day, I look forward to spending time with him. It's Friday night and he is in bed. And this is quite common. It makes me sad and realize why some decide to quit on their spouse and seek out someone else, honestly. This road can be damn lonely. my brother did the same. he changed from happy-go-lucky to deadly serious provider and his priorities were quite clear to me: 1) Kids 2) Job 3) Wife and I wondered about it but after a few years it made more sense to me. And how did your brother turn out??? he and his wife seem okay now, he was unemployed for several years and they spent a great deal of time together, he made a huge pile of money but he went back to work a few years ago, but he has lots of time now, not a workaholic anymore, close to retiring. |
Redlicorice User ID: 28703446 Canada 04/21/2017 11:41 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I am married to a very hard working man who makes very little time for me. Quoting: Lonely 46048251 I feel like I'm the very last thing on the list on the check off. We have kids. I feel like I am so far down the totem pole as to what his priorities are. If you are married to a super busy/workaholic spouse, can you chime in? When does it become a marriage that needs to be terminated? I feel so insignificant to him. I don't know what to think. I'm just so sick of being the only one to say "we need a date night" or, "we need to make sure to spend time together".When I say these things he makes them happen, but why isn't always me who has to say it? I have told him that I need these things over and over. Honestly, I think he thinks I will always be there. I'm not sure. Can anyone else relate? Yes, I know I'm on a freaking conspiracy forum, but damnit, I need someone to relate to me. This being the "supportive spouse" can become a very lonely place. When the love is completely gone! |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 46048251 Canada 04/21/2017 11:41 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If he isn't cheating I wouldn't throw him over for being hard-working. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 73749101 He's not cheating. I can not complain about money really, it's just the connectivity. I don't know. I take care of the kids and the house and at the end of the day, I look forward to spending time with him. It's Friday night and he is in bed. And this is quite common. It makes me sad and realize why some decide to quit on their spouse and seek out someone else, honestly. This road can be damn lonely. my brother did the same. he changed from happy-go-lucky to deadly serious provider and his priorities were quite clear to me: 1) Kids 2) Job 3) Wife and I wondered about it but after a few years it made more sense to me. fyi, he's been married 31 years now, his kids moved out several years ago, and he and his wife had trouble readjusting for several years, reshift in priorities and time, etc. Did your brother make it though? His marriage anyway?? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 49902774 United States 04/21/2017 11:42 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My Ex. Was like you. She ( accidentally got pregnant twice, before we were financially stable. Hell we didn't even own a bed, couch or T.V yet.) So I started working my ass off, (3 jobs)..paying for her masters degree, internship, childcare,medical bills, bank fees from bounced checks she wrote,her past student loans, rent, insurance food As well as trying to build a nest egg. She complained like you do, then left me, took a job 4 states away and divorced me..(After she finished her Masters degree and became employable of course.) I would try to explain to her, that I was climbing a career ladder while the kids were babies, so we could coast more when they would be old enough to go do fun things with us as a family. Her spending made it impossible to ever get that nest egg gathered up...until she left. Even paying Child support. I was able to build a good business and do well. She remarried within a year. (I feel sorry for that poor bastard) |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 47139353 United States 04/21/2017 11:43 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 74735919 Sweden 04/21/2017 11:43 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You sound like my girlfriend OP. I keep her at arms length most of the time. She wants to move in with me and marry but I roll my eyes to that nonsense. She came over last night after I told her I didn't want company. She essentially forced her way in by ringing the doorbell nonstop at midnight. Needless to say we ended up fucking. We fell asleep together and she gave me the greatest blowjob when we woke up this morning. I threw her out around 9 am and went to work. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 74638533 Denmark 04/21/2017 11:44 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Men are GOAL oriented and need to keep conquering them while women are PEOPLE oriented and value relationships over goals. Thats life so get over it and just settle down to the dreary drudgery of peasant life LIKE ALL COUPLES HAVE TO DO. Dont be fooled into thinking that its all fun and games, that is only in the beginning. |
Redlicorice User ID: 28703446 Canada 04/21/2017 11:45 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward (OP) User ID: 46048251 Canada 04/21/2017 11:46 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You're SELFISH. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49902774 My Ex. Was like you. She ( accidentally got pregnant twice, before we were financially stable. Hell we didn't even own a bed, couch or T.V yet.) So I started working my ass off, (3 jobs)..paying for her masters degree, internship, childcare,medical bills, bank fees from bounced checks she wrote,her past student loans, rent, insurance food As well as trying to build a nest egg. She complained like you do, then left me, took a job 4 states away and divorced me..(After she finished her Masters degree and became employable of course.) I would try to explain to her, that I was climbing a career ladder while the kids were babies, so we could coast more when they would be old enough to go do fun things with us as a family. Her spending made it impossible to ever get that nest egg gathered up...until she left. Even paying Child support. I was able to build a good business and do well. She remarried within a year. (I feel sorry for that poor bastard) I sincerely appreciate your honesty. If I'm being a bitch, I want to hear that. Thanks. |