Why do I enjoy torturing nerds emotionally, and enjoy the thought of physically beating nerds while for some reason trying befriend nerds?

When I was younger I was advised against hanging with nerds and blacks. I notice that I get really angry when I see a nerd (I'm talking nerds who also look like nerds, such as the skinny body, pale skin and the glasses.)

Like I'll come across some girl who admires nerds or a nerd (if he's from a TV show or whatever) and I'll get angry about her liking nerds and I just don't know why nerds are so popular today. My mother told me to stop hanging with nerds they aren't normal. I feel like nerds are the bad guys and whenever I try to befriend them I feel angry and confused so I'll turn around and abuse them emotionally one of them almost killed himself because of me.

I once punched one out of the blue and made his eye and nose bleed. Even fictional nerds and even if they're killing bad guys I still hate them.

Then I'll have fantasies like there will be 3 inch tall nerds and I'll torture them and then kill them. I TRY to like nerds even fictional ones but on the inside I'm shuddering and cringing and if something bad happens in my life I'll take it out on nerds.