The Dying Narcissist Does Not Change

GOOD ADVICE

Absolutely spot on. It is no joke what they are capable of doing to get to someone. Very dangerous to all psyches. I get you 110%

I'm sorry I missed it.

Those are usually the most honest.

Narcissists love it when we second-guess ourselves.

Who did you please by deleting?

No matter how much I study this issue I am still astounded by the amount of misery these creatures have wreaked in my life and continue to try and wreak. Growing up in a house full of them, marrying one, and sadly birthing at least one, it is hard to steer clear of pitfalls.

Every healthy decision you make starts them howling. Years later they still demand you step back into the role you once played. The howling falls mostly on deaf ears these days as that person no longer exists. One day when she had given her last ounce of self and fallen far short of what was demanded I tossed her out of the car and put an end to her. She had betrayed us all and mostly me by leading us all to believe she could forever do the impossible and keep throwing a pretty tablecloth and vase of flowers over the steaming pile of shit that was at the center of every family get together she tirelessly hosted.

Boundaries....boundaries...boundaries. My goodness they hate them. But believe me they will save your life and sanity.

I am convinced that this is more then a genetic predisposition. Over and over I have seen a wickedness jump from character to character in familiar fury and cruelty whenever life brings me to a moment where important life choices or lessons are happening.

I just have no satisfactory explanation except that we wrestle not against flesh and blood...I think of one pure selfless man, the embodiment of love...pierced through and lifted up on a cross while legions howled and screamed in delight and I think it is not so strange that I would experience some small bit of the same while I am here in this messed up place.


Your post is brilliant, insightful and so "on the money." Boundaries. Practically made me cry it was so from the heart of someone who has been abused by a narcissist. A hell world while you're in it. If anything, it makes you strong I suppose.

That didn't quote properly. I was responding to another post with that last paragraph.

I was replying to a post with a question, but the quoting was messed up and it look liked I had written the original post.

Yeah, I had same problem earlier. Not sure why.

I had to ask the same question..

I am guessing just figuratively pushed someone out of a car?

I wish I was one of these folks who obviously have no experience with a true NPD.

It took me a long time to realize wtf was going on.

I feel robbed and refreshed to a degree now.

The daughter probably has no idea anything is really "off" until she has her own kids and starts realizing how screwed up that really is.

Mom just can not have the spot-light on the daughter even on that most important day.

No matter how much I study this issue I am still astounded by the amount of misery these creatures have wreaked in my life and continue to try and wreak. Growing up in a house full of them, marrying one, and sadly birthing at least one, it is hard to steer clear of pitfalls.

Every healthy decision you make starts them howling. Years later they still demand you step back into the role you once played. The howling falls mostly on deaf ears these days as that person no longer exists. One day when she had given her last ounce of self and fallen far short of what was demanded I tossed her out of the car and put an end to her. She had betrayed us all and mostly me by leading us all to believe she could forever do the impossible and keep throwing a pretty tablecloth and vase of flowers over the steaming pile of shit that was at the center of every family get together she tirelessly hosted.

Boundaries....boundaries...boundaries. My goodness they hate them. But believe me they will save your life and sanity.

I am convinced that this is more then a genetic predisposition. Over and over I have seen a wickedness jump from character to character in familiar fury and cruelty whenever life brings me to a moment where important life choices or lessons are happening.

I just have no satisfactory explanation except that we wrestle not against flesh and blood...I think of one pure selfless man, the embodiment of love...pierced through and lifted up on a cross while legions howled and screamed in delight and I think it is not so strange that I would experience some small bit of the same while I am here in this messed up place.


One thought is that malignant narcissism is caused by terribly low self esteem (according to Sam Vaknin's videos.) And a narcissistic parent, say, can cause low self esteem by damaging children, and the coping behavior is on display too -- becoming narcissistic. And so it perpetuates itself.

In my own family it was very helpful to call it out in the kids' teen years when they had the mental maturity to start to see it and reason about it. Both kids have been in therapy, but the therapists didn't do the main work. I did.

A therapist is unlikely to save you from this. Maybe they don't have tools to deal with it. One of the kids' therapists suggested I get therapy to help me cope, and I certainly wanted it, but I never saw a therapist that seemed any better than a wet sponge -- mediocre and lost themselves. I had to figure it out myself.

Last 3 paragraphs in post just above are my response == quoting was messed up.

My post did not quote properly either and I was embarrassed that it looked as if I was taking credit for the Ops wise comments. Not sure what happened but thank you Op for starting this thread and giving me the chance to say a thing that has been weighing heavy on my mind.

I wish I never had to hear the word narcissist again. I wish I never had to deal with it again. I wish I didn't have to keep examining my own heart and worrying if I too am as unaware of my true nature as those that have caused me so much pain.

But there are still so many beautiful people and experiences to be had out there. Like the Japanese man and his fish friend video I just watched from another thread... Thinking about the beautiful things in life and being thankful. That makes life amazing.

Sounds familiar.

^^This. My mother falls into that category (super religious narcissist).

Thanks Doc

They are infested with demons. Only the blood of the Holy Spirit will wash their souls clean.

A naive but reasonable person would see all these GLP'ers, who apparently can write coherently and show other signs of sanity, going nuts over this particular issue. The question for them is whether we're all deluded, or maybe there's a thing that they haven't seen or don't recognize in their lives yet.

And those with both comprehension and good will would allow the possibility that pathological narcissism is an actual thing, and maybe look it up, rather than giving soothing anti-advice that negates what others have been saying with urgency.

Reminds me of the movie Inception.

Yep. That is the most effective form of squashing it.

I wish for you that you can stop examining your own heart and know that we're all imperfect, but self awareness is extremely atypical of pathological narcissists. You see the crummy reality. Not all problems solved, but I'd say narcissism is not one of your problems.

Reminds me of Tony Soprano's mother. Luckily the only person I've known like that has been dead for twelve years.

We're all born with a bit of it, but people who are raised by NPD or BPD mothers become very strong empaths. It's served me well in business, because I can read the energy in a room lickety split. However, I think I'd probably rather have been raised by a normal person and not have that ability. :)

You are correct to a degree, but you clearly haven't had to deal with someone who is a clinical narcissist.

Well yes and no. It was a part of myself...a dysfunctional and destructive coping mechanism that I literally abandoned when I could carry her no more. I was driving with her on my way home and she became too much for me. I knew it was her or me. I looked at the row of locust trees lining the road I was driving on and considered wrapping my car around one for an instant seriously.

I kept on the road safely but I can tell you where I left her and the exact moment and the place I was driving when I abandoned her.

Sometimes in my life I get a very vivid metaphorical picture of something profoundly dpiritual that is taking place. Sorry for any confusion that my picture may have caused.

I'm hoping it was figurative speech.

^^^^^

Yes, I think it would have been nice to have been raised by a normal person.

I have a picture of myself as a toddler sitting next to my mother on the steps of my grandmother's house. I didn't find it until recently. It was quite a shock but yet also a revelation. It was nothing like the pictures of me with my children. At that age, mine were in my lap or climbing all over me. In the picture of me with my mom, I'm sitting as far away as possible while still being close enough to be in the picture. I knew even at that age to try and stay just outside of arms length. In the picture, she looks like she has no maternal bond with me at all.

Life goes on. Accepting that I would never have a normal mother/daughter relationship with her was key. I grieved for that loss, and then learned to move on.