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| 07:57 PM | ||
| Users Online Now: 1,940 (Who's On?) | Visitors Today: 1,050,203 | |
| Pageviews Today: 1,828,643 | Threads Today: 710 | Posts Today: 14,028 |
| 07:57 PM | ||
Confessions of a Butterball Turkey Talk-Line operator | |
| TheLordsServant Offer Upgrade  User ID: 75890466  United States11/23/2017 10:01 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | [link to nypost.com (secure)] “We’ve heard it all,” says Nicole Johnson, the hotline’s co-director. “People ask if they can thaw their turkey with an electric blanket, a Jacuzzi and even in the dishwasher on the rinse cycle — none of which work.” She recalls one panicked father who called on Thanksgiving Day, amid the sound of splashing water: “In an effort to multitask, he was bathing the kids and soaking the turkey in the tub together!”   I am a humble Servant of the one True Living God. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 40712546 United States11/23/2017 10:07 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| TheLordsServant (OP) User ID: 75890466 United States11/23/2017 10:18 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Two years ago, Kimberley Moran of Hampden, Maine, found herself “freaking out” when she discovered her turkey was still frozen — with company on the way. She called the hotline. “I was literally crying as I told her my problem,” says Moran, 49. “She was like, ‘First of all, take a deep breath. You aren’t the first person to have this problem and you’re in luck, there is a solution.’ ”  Last Edited by Servant-of-the-LORD on 11/23/2017 10:18 AM I am a humble Servant of the one True Living God. |
| The Comedian :D User ID: 75877453 United States11/23/2017 10:20 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | She recalls one panicked father who called on Thanksgiving Day, amid the sound of splashing water: “In an effort to multitask, he was bathing the kids and soaking the turkey in the tub together!” Quoting: TheLordsServant Democrats.  Saint Comedian, Patron Saint of Bringing the Butthurt to Dipshits ‘There are some assholes in the world that just need to be shot.’ - General Mattis, USMC, Secretary of Defense [link to www.godlikeproductions.com] "Subterfuge and social pressure are the wheel and fire of the 21st century" - Some asshole Legal Disclaimer: All comments are intended as humor and/or fiction and not advice, and not to be confused with any event or person, living or dead. |
| Freckle Face User ID: 75886982 United States11/23/2017 10:48 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| I'm From TEXAS y'all User ID: 67268914 United States11/23/2017 11:03 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?" "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off. When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey. Abolish ICE! They took our slaves once, don't let it happen again -- Vote Democrat (I need a good signature line...help??) |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 74841941 United States11/23/2017 11:21 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?" Quoting: I'm From TEXAS y'all "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off. When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey. :lolzz: |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 45134342 United States11/23/2017 02:09 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?" Quoting: I'm From TEXAS y'all "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off. When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.  |
| The Borg User ID: 12320921 United States11/23/2017 02:16 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Where Eagles Dare Metal-American User ID: 73836248 United States11/23/2017 02:18 PM  Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?" Quoting: I'm From TEXAS y'all "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off. When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.  Isaiah 40:31 - But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. “They’ve got us surrounded again, the poor bastards.” - U.S. Army Paratrooper at Bastogne |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 78038937 United States11/28/2019 03:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?" Quoting: I'm From TEXAS y'all "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off. When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey. It twas a fowl deed indeed. |
| Rosicrucian1 User ID: 70585940  Canada11/28/2019 03:05 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
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