Paul Manafort’s Latest Attempt To Shut Down Mueller Investigation Is … LOLOLOLOL NOPE!

POP QUIZ: How many days has it been since a federal judge told Paul Manafort to eat three dicks and call her in the morning? TIME’S UP! If you guessed “It was Friday, right?” you win the magical prize, which is shut up, Wonkette does not award prizes. In that case, the judge, Amy Berman Jackson, did not buy arguments from Manafort’s lawyers (who must be getting OMG SO RICH off this case) that special counsel Robert Mueller had exceeded his mandate, by investigating things he is clearly allowed to investigate, and executing warrants he is clearly allowed to execute, according to the instructions Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein wrote when he appointed Mueller. Tough break, World’s Best Lawyers! Better luck with your “legal strategy” next time!

And hilariously, “next time” is right the fuck now, because the Manafort team filed a new thingie (legal term) in the Eastern District of Virginia on Monday night, arguing, in essence, that the Mueller investigation is invalid because there have been mean articles about Manafort in the newspaper, articles that could only have come from DEEP STATE!!!!11!!!1!!GHAZI1!!!!! Therefore, the Mueller probe is tainted and Mueller is very stinky and Manafort is above the law, and …

No for real. Stop laughing. This is a serious filing in a serious federal court.


Former Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort claimed in a court filing Monday evening that government leakers sought to boost Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation and influence the grand juries that ultimately brought indictments against Manafort.

The court document […] zeroed in on news stories detailing investigations into Manafort’s communications with Russian intel operatives. Manafort said the government has not turned over any evidence in its discovery process of such communications, leading Manafort to suggest that the leaks were an “elaborate hoax” to sway the grand jury.

LOL WHAT?

Because journalists did their jobs and investigated issues surrounding how Paul Manafort is a LITERAL ACTUAL FOREIGN AGENT who was probably sent in as a Russian asset to infiltrate the Trump campaign, which led to articles in the newspaper Manafort doesn’t like, this means the Deep State was doing an “elaborate hoax,” ergo INVESTIGATION OVER? This is their argument?