I want a kombucha water, cruelty free, fair trade, vegan coffee, with a froth of Soy foam please

This is what I heard ordered in front of me, by some emaciated, bearded, subaru driving, trust fundian from fly over land.

I proceeded to tie his twizzler arms behind his tampon physique, beat him into a coma, and run him over with a "real" New Engalnder steam roller. I then took his yoga mat body to an urban, gentrification, yup yoga studio so fly over-feminists could do yoga on him.

End of story