...That instantly made me to cry...
...if only others could feel what I feel with you. You're really beautiful.
Very lovely!...
Quoting: cosmicgypsy Sorry, Love…Didn’t mean to make you cry…they’ll come around. At least most of them will, when the great change takes place soon.
Love ya, get well…and be well :)
Peace
I just realized...HA! I can tell YOU! Maybe you'll understand!
This morning after I woke up I had this very happy growing feeling in me....I mean it, it made me feel like skipping about.
And then I realized the joy I was feeling was due to me preparing to "go," I felt like I was readying myself to "fly the coup," so to speak. I was all in that energy, thinking of nothing else, just hippy-skippy happy with anticipation.
And then I thought about everyone else, and my good times feeling crumbled....so, you see, this is why your timely words hit me so hard.
It's just been lately, the past few months, I've been thinking about just letting go of life. Then I feel bad for feeling that. I chose to be here, and I've also chosen to stay here (I could've left in Aug. 2008). I'm here for a reason...but still that's been in my thoughts the past few months. I'm wondering though if that isn't an worn out mantra, "I'm hear for a reason. I'm hear for a reason. I'm hear for a reason," one that's long for tossing out.
That feeling this morning, it was so free...I felt so excited at what was coming.
And, to be very honest, Cherished, I do like that feeling so much better than the pit of pain I feel between my heart and my gut now.
There's too much pain here. Too much confusion. Too many lost souls. Way too many without souls.
At a fundamental level of my being....I just don't want to be here much more.
It makes me incredibly sad...and while I don't feel like I'm giving up, I do feel a failure. I really don't think things were supposed to get this far, this deep in stanky darkness. "We" could've done better, or somehow tried harder. Somehow.
I really don't know what anyone can tell me right now, to snap me out of this woe, but I've finally done said it. I'm owning it right now--
I'm fucking tired, and I'd really like to go home now.
So hard for me to admit this, because I really do love Humanity with all my heart, but I don't think we're ever going to get over our ease with brutality, as a collective we're still waaay too "dense"....
I'd really just like to throw my consciousness backpack over my shoulder, and move on now. The wild wind is calling, and I want to hitch a ride on it out of here.
Heh, I kinda symbolically waxed poetic, there....
I'll be okay. Today's a struggle, tomorrow I'll make it better.
