I no longer have faith because I believe it so completely.

This results in total self-loathing, since I'm mired in my nature and am impure before God.

My only respite, and the only thing "real" to me, is on my knees at the alter, praying for OTHER PEOPLE, as a PERSON MYSELF, to God.

In this way, my nature becomes "pure" again, as I use my empathy to experience the pain of others, and prey to our Lord for their healing and salvation.

In this way, I can live as myself, heathen and all, because I may be fallen, but i't only temporarily.