I'm building a bullshit machine...

so you are re-creating the DNC?

oh fuck, I'm out... let's see if this thread gains any traction in my absence though...

Wire it in to Capitol Hill, guaranteed perpetual motion.

Why are you out?

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You have unwittingly discovered government. Congrats to us all.

Just replay the obama era, you’re good for quite awhile.

I thought you were a bullshit machine?

Where you boys been, under rocks?

He has been back around for last month or so.

I own a couple bullshit machines myself, and a bunch more cowshit machines. They are friendly, peaceful suckers. The bullshit machines impregnate the cowshit machines and I get little calfshit machines in the spring. Its awesome. Also, I can use all the shit on my cornfield after I get it good and composted.

Not sure if this is what you are talking about though.

Earth is a bullshit machine...

... tauri ... ?

"President" Obama.

we already had one..

Trudeau comes to mind.

You got the right one here.
Whenever I take a new job, my stalkers blow a gasket and start psychically invading my body with a combo of telepathic and physical attacks. It is usually done until I go crazy and they die down.

Here is some samples of their illustrious work:
Screaming, "Oh my God," over and over...like an idiot.
Crying like a bitch when I play music...it sounds like a soft whine or mew.
Speaking of that, these people are GREAT at playing poker, now this part you kind of gotta infer, but some of these same folks on my telepathic line are people I see in person who will act like nothing is wrong.
Literal gender switching in terms of shape shifting.

Oh, once while taking a piss, they tried to make it feel like something unnatural was coming out of my urethra.

Also, the same nutter who cries like a bitch over my playlist was playing gamez a couple weeks back talking bout, "You know you love you some me, you're a beast".

I think this stuff REALLY works on their targets.
I'm honestly prepared to live with them for the rest of my life. If anyone asks, I'll just say I had some really foul roommates a while back. :P

It turned out I was nominated to be a torch bearer in the 2026 Winter Olympics being hosted in Bermuda! I immediately packed all my favorite socks as well as some light snacks (anchovy paste, pickled eggs, some "prairie oysters" and a can of mashed peas) for my journey.

Upon arrival at the airport to book a flight, I realized I forgot my wallet... OH NOES! It became immediately obvious what my next move should be.

7 and a half hours later, patiently waiting in the corner stall of what I thought to be the mens washroom, a stewardess (who I had hoped to be a pilot)enters and completely unaware of my presence due to my highly evolved stealth abilities I learned from a Jewish monk in Tibet, takes the stall directly next to me... Now, I'm not sure what the hell that lady ate, but all I can tell you is the sound was akin to dumping out a mop bucket and the smell, a mixture of fermented baby diapers and a sac of dead rotten alley cats.

It was time. I stealthily peered over the dividing wall, preparing my ether/chloroform cocktail napkin... In between thunderous bowel releases, I pounced! Jumping on her back, I covered her face with the night night juice expecting her to quickly succumb... She did not. With the strength of 10 men and a John Deere tractor, she jumped up spinning round and round trying to loosen my kung fu grip, continuing to spray wet shits all over the place

In a moment of clarity and disgust, I decided this plan sucks, quickly apologized claiming I had mistaken her for Joy Behar and made my escape.

I'm just using the library wifi, hiding in the bushes waiting for the police to leave. Once I get home I'm going to make other arrangements...

TO BE CONTINUED...????

Good to see you too man. It has been a while, hasn't it?

I was being held in a Moroccan prison for trying to smuggle the kings prized camels out of the country. Luckily they didn't find the paper clip, bubblegum and duct tape I shoved up my ass, expediting my release.

This reminds me of the midget farm I used to run in Calcutta. Sadly, my herd contracted foot in mouth disease and had to be destroyed...

I still hear the labored shrieking of them haunting me at night... I am definitely going to put them down before lighting them on fire should I ever be in that situation again...

Kind of you.

Oh you know, just doing Gods work and trying to earn some points with the clergy. Hopefully have my excommunication from the church reversed...

;)

Do you have a Patreon account? I have a lot of bullshit to donate to it.

So like these immigrant free shit armies have been caravanning their way up here all the while trump is like uh no you arent coming in. They make a huge deal, uh youre still not coming in. They get here and within the last week we saw one of the most limp wristed handshakes assuring no border security, to turning around and securing 5 billion to start also implementing 253. "Today the United States Government announced historic action to confront the illegal immigration crisis facing the United States. We notified the Government of Mexico that the United States is invoking Section 235(b)(2)(c) of the Immigration and Nationality Act. " in the same dime, also as vastly unaccounted for in media reporting, "In response, the Mexican government has informed us that it will support the human rights of migrants by affording affected migrants humanitarian visas to stay on Mexican soil, the ability to apply for work, and other protections while they await U.S. proceedings."

What this essentially means is, Trump is going to start building the wall, very quickly, right after christmas.

Meanwhile the free shit army will continue to grow in tijuana and other mexican cities. The mexican government putting all of their resources into trying to look better than Trump, within 3 months they are going to be completely bankrupt or just about there to the point of begging and kissing trumps heels for any deal he may come up with, they recieve humanitarian effort but because the last 3 months have made the crime rate skyrocket the cartels fight back (or we use clandestine false flags along the border to send troops there, thus we annex mexico and destroy the cartels using the troops that are already on the border and the 7000 that trump conviently called home very recently are combat ready and waiting to take over or reinforce whatever effort the currently posted units are currently engaged with.

Trump has a press conference as the day comes that officially announces the 51st state as "NEW new mexico" to which everyone laughs because in this time he has also arrested all of the fake news media that Obama created when he did away with the executive order (using his own executive order in 2012) that made propagandizing mass media to be illegal after world war 2.

The economy is doing so well that in a trade agreement russia ends up using the fiat american dollar and thus becomes our greatest ally. New new mexico and it's citizens are given government jobs to rebuild mexico including farmland and major manufacturing as well as central american border security. California is still the leftist voice in america and trump decides to let them have their way, and gives california its independence (as everything good about california can be found in new new mexico in terms of environment and harvestable materials) new new mexico, in an ironic and touching move to make itself a real part of the usa, decides to take the brunt of the economic strain and build the wall around california. 3 months after the last communcation from san diego (the new capital of the socialist state of california) was recieved the wall was opened in the new new mexico capital of tijuana and the copresident at the time, (a former high level cartel hitman who with the help of the cia won the usa mexican war of 2020) , set up a FOB on the outskirts of La Jolla, the place has devolved into utter anarchy and is turned in to a monetized penal colony where the us government takes bets from the people of the usa on mad max style gladiator that are broadcast on a government network. The carnage soon takes the world by storm and there is a whole following dedicated to this. One day a man is ordered to kill cozilians in bakersfield, california due to a riot but there was no riot there was women and children so he says he won't do it. They frame him by killing all the civilians and doctoring the footage to make it look like he went insane and slaughtered them all. Then music starts playing in the background and THE RUNNING MAN flashes across your screen right as a too-ripped oiled shirtless trump grabs and shakes arnold Schwarzenegger's hand and they both look at you and say in tandem , "we made america great again"

AWWW SNAP... PAPA BRINGIN HOME THE CHEESE BABY!!!!

If you really want to part with some bullshit, I have an account under the same name, CalmShock.

George Carlin - advertising and bull shit

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