Geez! I have been in such denial with myself for 9 years now, this is what is causing all my problems and turmoil and sadness, I just simply miss Steven

I don't know what to do about this, I have done a lot of prayers and meditations, and I have done a lot of psychology and working on the grief cycle and all. No matter what I try, my soul just will NOT accept it in any way.

I have tried a lot of self talk, and reasoning with myself that the man, something has happened since 2010, and he just stopped being your friend like the rest, and many writings and letters, and talking with friends about it, but nothing helps.

After 9 years, the furthest I have gotten is that my heart now, no longer feels such great turmoil, but feels at peace with the love I have had for him, however, that does not stop my mind and soul from missing his presence and being around him, I have not gotten that far yet.

Okay, well, this actually, is NOT abnormal for me, I remained very distraught over JR for 12 years, before I could move on with my life.

Today we may look at this as abnormal, but look at the Queen of England, was it Elizabeth or Mary? when her husband died, for the rest of her life she adorned herself in mourning attire, for her husband, she never stopped missing him and mourning his death.

And for me, my separation from Steven has been like Death, I often wear all black, and more and more it has come to be the only color clothes I will buy. It makes me feel better to wear all black, to dress in how the sadness my soul feels.