Hairy unkempt mother fucker with a beard

Hey there GLP

I haven't been to a barber for a haircut since December 31st 1999, new years eve turn of the 21st century, and have used one of
those Remington hair buzz cutting/trimming machines and a mirror instead. The fucking barber only uses a buzz cutter anyway, and not
going to a barber for twenty years has saved me about £2500.00 thus far. That's a win, BTW.

I usually set the trimmer to a number '2' cut and sometimes go full retard removing the guard so I get a number '0' or bald
cunt cut, but that is usually in the summer time.

Same deal for my shaving, I never use razors or cream, just the buzz cutter with no guard, it leaves a nice low stubble, but
again that is usually only in the summertime as I like to catch a tan, if you know what I mean?

Anyway, currently, it being winter and all, I grow myself a beard to keep my neck warm, but as it gets longer it becomes more
unkempt looking and although the obvious remedy for this is to trim the beard with, say, a 12mm guard attached, I would rather
not do that because I want the full beard look.

So, I was wondering if you guys (real ones, not trannies/freaks/weirdos etc.) know of a way in which I can make my beard look
moar 'aesthetic' without cutting it or using cosmetics like a bit of Pluko hair wax or such?

I don't want to use cosmetics you see, I like the natural man look, rough 'n' ready, yeah, that's the ticket :)

Wax attracts bits of food etc. that stick to my beard, and after a while it starts to stink quite badly too, so wax is out.

Has anyone got any tips for a keeping a real etiquette man beard looking sharp and not resembling a tramp, bum or some such?

Gillette is obviously not an option, nor is any soap or other toiletries, that shit is for tarts and queers ...



Thanx in advance ~ Jake the beard faced hairy mother fucker :)