You think I'm pretentious OP? Is that like a psychic impression? IDK man, I am not. I am an individualist. I don't ever think of myself in relation to others. I don't "measure myself" to them that way. I just try to do what I can to stay free and avoid slavery in this world. And I don't mean not working or contributing either, cuz I know I am on welfare and shit. I mean if I was well (and I still hope to get well again someday) then I would start up one of my old businesses in a flash and I would work for myself. But I would be free. Not a slave, you know?

That's all I want is just to be me and be free. But I guess I wanted to fulfill that spiritual purpose too when it comes to you know, building a family and all of that stuff.

I wasn't all fucked up and insane and messed up before all of this happened to me. I had a job where I worked 60 hours a week. I had businesses of my own on the side. I had an education. Very successful young man in many ways. It's awful what has happened.

Tell me some shit, OP. Tell me what my prospects are here. Is this woman ever going to come back to me? Does she even remember me anymore? She has really messed up memory issues, man. She is missing big gaps of memory and can't remember people. I am prob a ghost to her. I prob don't even exist to her in her mind anymore. How fucked up is that, to flush your life down the toilet pining over someone who prob doesn't even remember you anymore?