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How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?

 
DWarro

User ID: 77356333
United Kingdom
02/22/2019 04:44 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
17 years. Pretty good for under 40 I reckon.
Renaissance Woman

User ID: 74808330
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02/22/2019 04:46 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
I’m happily married and my spouse is amazing and kind and we get along great and never fight!

Problem is...I ALSO have feelings for someone else. And this person doesn’t even feel the same way about me, as far as I know. Although they initially hinted, but have since pulled back.

Thing is, I don’t want to cheat and don’t think I ever would!! But I feel totally heartbroken over this other person. How do I get over this??? I need advice...and not advice like “become a swinger.” Not interested!

How do I get over this? It’s driving me into a depression.

Is the 7-year-itch real? We’ve been married 7 years. Is it even possible to love two people? I don’t want to think about another person constantly!! I love my spouse!! And don’t even want to do that to them!! I will not cheat.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77387371


The 7-year-itch is real. You may notice some friction at the halfway points too (3.5 years).

I started noticing people in the news (celebs and such) getting divorced at 3.5 years, 10.5, same intervals. I think there is something to it.

Don't worry too much, AC. I think this will pass. Behave, learn something about yourself, move on.
"For with thee is the fountain of life: in thy light shall we see light."
Renaissance Woman

User ID: 74808330
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02/22/2019 04:48 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
24 years here, quite happy. Thanks for asking.
"For with thee is the fountain of life: in thy light shall we see light."
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 40546062
United States
02/22/2019 04:52 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
I’m happily married and my spouse is amazing and kind and we get along great and never fight!

Problem is...I ALSO have feelings for someone else. And this person doesn’t even feel the same way about me, as far as I know. Although they initially hinted, but have since pulled back.

Thing is, I don’t want to cheat and don’t think I ever would!! But I feel totally heartbroken over this other person. How do I get over this??? I need advice...and not advice like “become a swinger.” Not interested!

How do I get over this? It’s driving me into a depression.

Is the 7-year-itch real? We’ve been married 7 years. Is it even possible to love two people? I don’t want to think about another person constantly!! I love my spouse!! And don’t even want to do that to them!! I will not cheat.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77387371



Being attracted to someone else is human - don't act on it. You are married. You are committed to someone else. You even thinking about it is a form of cheating already. Put the fire back into your marriage, get away from this other person. You will be glad you did. Your spouse said yes to life with you - the other person did not.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 64787761


I know and I’ve been tormented over the fact that I even keep thinking about this person and how wrong it is.

Thanks for the reply :) I’m looking for some reassurance that I can get past this. I know it will happen eventually. Just hate this heartache over it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77387371


You are playing with FIRE! If you work with this person, change jobs, TODAY! if you are friends with this person, end it TODAY. Once married, never put yourself in this situation as all it will take is that 1st big fight with your spouse as trust me, You are having these feelings for someone else and its driving you into depression your spouse can tell and you guys are about to start fighting and then, it WILL happen. And you say this person has now backed off...good, get away and RUN, Get away, NEVER be in the same room with this person ever again. However, I don't think you will as I think you like this.
What you ARE allowing to happen...Think the Golden rule and you know exactly what to do, right? Fire, you are playing with fire.
Anonymous Coward
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02/22/2019 04:59 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
bump
oniongrass

User ID: 77265497
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02/22/2019 04:59 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
me too
the grass isn't greener next door, besides, who the hell wants to go back to the meat market?
i'll just suck it up and deal with it, is boring as hell but at least i have a companion that puts up with my shit, could be worse
i'm still putting a bullet in my head when i turn 60 though
 Quoting: StinkyKat


Can't you think of something interesting to do? Being married doesn't mean you have to look at each other all the time.

I'm over 60 and not putting any bullets into myself. Married over 20 years. The ups and downs between my wife don't correlate to large national or world issues, they're specific shit within our own family.
The ring of truth

User ID: 69266861
02/22/2019 05:03 AM

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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
My parents just had thier 51st anniversary, my in laws about to have thier 50th..my wife n I are super happy with the boys, we are going on 16 years, and I love her more and daily.. I would be lost without her..

Our deep faith in God is the trick, as the days get darker, we get stronger. Knowing it's closer to Christs return.. I relay on God, with all my being..
American Indian Elder

User ID: 77387187
United States
02/22/2019 05:03 AM

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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
over 30 years ago, I moved back to the Northwoods. A week after I got here my sister asked me to go to a wedding with her,Youngsters from two indian families at the old Mission church, great pot luck dinner after. I said OK. I saw him across the room,an elegant man with a beautiful smile, long dark hair in braid and a white shirt.I get premonitions. I grabbed my sisters arm and said see that guy, Im going to marry him. She laughed."Its a beautiful world" started playing and he walked right over to me and asked me to dance. We were inseparable from then on.

What holds us together? Things young couples dont have anymore. They want new, different, exciting and I think they are very ME ME ME people. People our age didnt move around as much. I knew his family. Our grandmas had picked berries and herbs together. We went to the same Church. I knew how to cook his favorite foods. We were both tall, with long dark hair. We even breathed the same at night. We love our children and the grandkids live here off and on during breaks from school. We
have so much love, church, family, us, kids,laughter, our people,our Lakes and forests all braided like a tapestry around us to keep us together.
Ive often said if he comes home from hunting at 200 am and wants a blueberry pie, Ill get up and cook one for him.I keep a little notebook in my dresser. I write down all the good things about him. Like he came home sooo tired and one of the kids was here and he picked them up and hugged them and went over to the big old maple and pushed them on the swing anyhow. If I get upset with him or cranky, I go upstairs and pull that notebook out and read it and fall in love all over again.

I think the more things you have in commen the better it goes.
Couples often fall in and out of love with each other. otherwise life would be a flat line. Hills and valleys are more interesting. Just dont fall out of love at the same time. and always keep that chemistry working.
amdg
oniongrass

User ID: 77265497
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02/22/2019 05:05 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
Well, this will blow peoples minds.

I'm divorced 37 years (married 14) and still very strong friends with my ex. (high school sweetheart)

He actually remarried. His wife died 14 years ago. I never remarried. We have always made sure (our) children were raised by both of us. He also has one (son) with his 2nd wife that he had to raise mainly by himself.

We are 64 Years old - we have been together in marriage and friendship for 45+ years...Respect is what has kept our highschool love to last so long. The degree of love has changed but, the love is still there.

Neither one of us has a friendship (outside of family) that has lasted this long.

We see each other a couple times a month for hours talking and also go out to dinner with our son - (our daughter passed of a rare terminal illness at age 11 --30 years ago)..

We both know our meeting/dating/marriage/divorce/friendship has all been Gods will. And we both accept it with open arms.

Funny thing is - is that I probably have a happier relationship with my ex-husband than most do with their spouses.

The two of us are a rare breed but, it does happen when you hold no anger.


.
 Quoting: Lilopin

And you have SPACE. Initial attraction is good for a few years. After the woman has kids, she often turns against the husband. After all his purpose in reproduction is done. Why is he still clinging around? I think this is the basis of the 7 year itch, which usually starts with the woman wanting out.

But in our society it's important to have the guy still around to raise kids, and the raising process is 20 years or more. We weren't programmed for this. I am beyond tired of child raising and the kids' various rebellions, and they're tired of their mother and me too, but we are still at it after over 20 years.
MissCleo

User ID: 77082640
United States
02/22/2019 05:12 AM

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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
My husband was dead weight. Had to cut him loose.

He didn't protect the household boundaries from even the neighbors, allowed them on our property with an open invitation. Didn't respect rations, and was a substance abuser.
keybored

User ID: 76935526
Belgium
02/22/2019 05:14 AM

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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
I am.
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Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/22/2019 05:16 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
Going on 31 years this December. hf

Marriage is a lot of work but if the two of you are on the same page about life, so to speak, nothing can come between you other than infidelity - that's the main deal breaker that one should NEVER consider.

My husband and I are the only remaining married couple of all the people we've known in our age group and neighborhood which includes mostly professionals (doctors, nurses, lawyers, pilots, teachers, etc.) All divorced. Their children's lives are destroyed even with all the money thrown at them.

Congratulations to all who stay together in this crazy world. In the end of your life, what will you be taking with you? The satisfaction of a great marriage and family or..not.

But some people are destined to live alone and more power to them. A lot of people look around and decide marriage is just not for them. In a lot of ways I can't blame them, especially after the severe penalties of child support and just the divorce itself.

But just sayin'...if you do marry, be extremely selective. Your spouse will either bring you the greatest happiness or the worse sorrow.
 Quoting: JoJo1973


Great post! Thank you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 62446110
United States
02/22/2019 05:17 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
You guys give me hopehf
 Quoting: •Ice Cream•


Exactly hf
zeizii

User ID: 76864557
Australia
02/22/2019 05:18 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
His own cousin decided to use all those idiots who pretended to be my friends...they did me a favour...
SmoothSailing

User ID: 77042548
United States
02/22/2019 05:22 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
27 years and we love each other more and more with each passing year. We are best friends and we just love spending time together enjoying our hobbies or doing absolutely nothing at all :)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 76516863


Same for my husband and I. 26 years and now empty nesters. Miss having our children at home. We also now work together. I have never understood the concept of marriage being so much work. We must have really found our soul mate in one another, it has never felt like work. The changes in society happening around us has made us thankful for one another and closer than ever.
"A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murderer is less to fear."
Marcus Tullius Cicero
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 76640758
Canada
02/22/2019 05:24 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
I have to say that I am not as fortunate. My husband is completely on-board with the Rachel Maddow crowd and just frothing at the mouth to see Trump removed. I don't understand the vitriol he has for Trump, other than he watches Maddow every week night and I don't. I am beginning to think that these "news" programs are emitting some kind of frequencies that are turning people into rabid zombies incapable of even questioning all the garbage we are being bombarded with. There are other reasons I'm not so happy, but this has been the main cause of angst driving a wedge between us over the past two years.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77391125


That must be awful.

This is why I'm not involved. Where I live, 99 % are liberal and I wouldn't be able to tolerate living like that. I hope that something changes for your situation, its really sad actually because I know how it feels to be segregated from society. I couldn't imagine feeling like that in my own home.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 62446110
United States
02/22/2019 05:25 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
over 30 years ago, I moved back to the Northwoods. A week after I got here my sister asked me to go to a wedding with her,Youngsters from two indian families at the old Mission church, great pot luck dinner after. I said OK. I saw him across the room,an elegant man with a beautiful smile, long dark hair in braid and a white shirt.I get premonitions. I grabbed my sisters arm and said see that guy, Im going to marry him. She laughed."Its a beautiful world" started playing and he walked right over to me and asked me to dance. We were inseparable from then on.

What holds us together? Things young couples dont have anymore. They want new, different, exciting and I think they are very ME ME ME people. People our age didnt move around as much. I knew his family. Our grandmas had picked berries and herbs together. We went to the same Church. I knew how to cook his favorite foods. We were both tall, with long dark hair. We even breathed the same at night. We love our children and the grandkids live here off and on during breaks from school. We
have so much love, church, family, us, kids,laughter, our people,our Lakes and forests all braided like a tapestry around us to keep us together.
Ive often said if he comes home from hunting at 200 am and wants a blueberry pie, Ill get up and cook one for him.I keep a little notebook in my dresser. I write down all the good things about him. Like he came home sooo tired and one of the kids was here and he picked them up and hugged them and went over to the big old maple and pushed them on the swing anyhow. If I get upset with him or cranky, I go upstairs and pull that notebook out and read it and fall in love all over again.

I think the more things you have in commen the better it goes.
Couples often fall in and out of love with each other. otherwise life would be a flat line. Hills and valleys are more interesting. Just dont fall out of love at the same time. and always keep that chemistry working.
 Quoting: American Indian Elder


Beautiful post! Thank you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77295442
Australia
02/22/2019 05:34 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
When each gives more than they take, that's love.

40 years in Jan, we did not even celebrate, just held each other tight and thanked God for our lives and family.
the deplorable ar-15 nut

User ID: 75500784
United States
02/22/2019 05:37 AM

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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
11 years here no tv. Just outdoor life style .twirl
A pissed off American veteran.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 73641902
United States
02/22/2019 05:57 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
18 years, 13yo daughter and it gets better every day. We have issue just like everyone else, but my wife is my best friend.
Respect, communication, and great sex is necessary.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 75316169
United States
02/22/2019 05:58 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
Us! We're both MAGA though.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 10485453
United States
02/22/2019 06:01 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
Us! We're both MAGA though.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 75316169




flag waver
Bird Shadow

User ID: 76405653
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02/22/2019 06:16 AM

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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
Married to my best friend for 37 years. We have a God centered life. We work hard, raised two grown sons...He and I are very active and hike and bike and walk together as best friends all over. I am very fortunate but we work hard at it and are respectful of each other and forgiving of each other's faults.
ElleMira

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02/22/2019 06:24 AM

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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
I am very happily married. I adore my husband, he's a good man. He lets me know he is grateful to have me and the life we share. We both share traditional and conservative values. He's my rock of sanity in this insane world.
Electronic Scribe

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02/22/2019 06:26 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
me!
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User ID: 58686169
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02/22/2019 06:27 AM

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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
15 years this summer.

Turns out I'm not that much different than her dad... likes to do GLP stuff. Weird.
ar15a1
LittleMonster66

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02/22/2019 06:27 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
18 years, more in love every day.
~ CITRONELLA ~

User ID: 76640758
Canada
02/22/2019 06:38 AM

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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
I am very happily married. I adore my husband, he's a good man. He lets me know he is grateful to have me and the life we share. We both share traditional and conservative values. He's my rock of sanity in this insane world.
 Quoting: ElleMira


and that is how its done folks !
~ CITRONELLA ~
TallWhites

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02/22/2019 06:38 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
Happily married is an oxymoron.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70853017


goaway
 Quoting: •Ice Cream•


ESTE^^^^
regards,

The White People
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 75819057
United States
02/22/2019 06:39 AM
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Re: How many of you are still happily married and going strong despite the changes happening all around you?
I am.
 Quoting: Married to my bff 73508672


Still love my wife dearly. Going on 10 years. True love is such a rare and beautiful thing.