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Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night

 
Kamchatka

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03/07/2019 12:41 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Anti-DNA(SS)lgG,Ab,Qn

Autoimmune disease indicator, can be lupus or a host of others.

My inflammatory/autoimmune results are often waaaaay skewed. The only thing that EVER seems to normalize them somewhat is to cut the carbs back to darn near zero, no grain, no sugar.

I'm a long ways from 100% on that, but the more I do it, the more it seems to help.
More deplorable all the time.
chasity
seasoned ho

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03/07/2019 12:52 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
just take a break from your son. you need to focus on yourself and he's giving you too much unnecessary emotional stress. He's not going to change over night and these breaks can sometimes take over a year. sounds like he has some resentments that he needs to get over, kids are fucking stupid and they can't see things from a grown up perspective sometimes well into our 40's.
pool
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03/07/2019 12:56 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
bighug Keep meditating and sleeping. Stay calm cosmic angel.
I am not here for the magic. I am here for the rarity.
Anonymous Coward
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03/07/2019 12:57 PM
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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
This is the first thing that ever helped me. I am pain free and feel good for the first time in my long life of painful debilitating genetic disorders. It worked fast on the inside and out. After 2 weeks I knew my life was changed. I was no longer waiting to die in sever pain, I was trying to figure out how to live again and start life over.

Thread: Thread to gather our great medical, chem, lab, molecule minds and geniuses. Please check in. Amazing update.
cosmicgypsy  (OP)

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03/07/2019 01:56 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Anti-DNA(SS)lgG,Ab,Qn

Autoimmune disease indicator, can be lupus or a host of others.

My inflammatory/autoimmune results are often waaaaay skewed. The only thing that EVER seems to normalize them somewhat is to cut the carbs back to darn near zero, no grain, no sugar.

I'm a long ways from 100% on that, but the more I do it, the more it seems to help.
 Quoting: Kamchatka



When my blood was being drawn for the tests, the tech and I were talking, and I told her about the problems with my hoochie.

She said she has had the same problem with hers, and that she's been diagnosed with lupus.

I'm going to be FLOORED if that's what's wrong with me, and I'm not going to be happy with my Internist, because he told me - through his nurse - that I can wait until tomorrow to see him about it. I was alarmed about the reading being so high I called the office.

Heh, if I get into his office tomorrow and he says more tests need to be run I'm going to take the order for the tests to get those done, and then tell him hasta la bye bye, I'll find another Internist. He could've ordered more tests up in the interim time, like two weeks, since I talked to him through his nurse.

I'm telling youse guyses, beyond the BS with my son right now, beyond having a freaking heart attack, beyond having nine bowel obstructions last year, beyond have problems with my toy box....I feel great most everyday. No one believes I'm as old as I am, because my spirit keeps me youthful.

I will be thoroughly SHOCKED if I have some kind of autoimmune issue going on. I really don't, on the normal days - which are more often than not - feel like I have something as debilitating as lupus.

It's just beyond me how I can feel as happy as I have throughout the last 1.5 years of issues. What I've had going on is enough to knock the spirit right out of a person....and I just keep on keeping on.

My strength is my fortress.

I did just get off the phone with my best friend, and I'm feeling better. I do so love that woman.

I do absolutely think my son resents me, because his father has had jack shit to do with him. My son did see his father's facebook page and how he had three more children, and has seemed to have led a charmed life.

My son's two aunts, his uncle, and his grandmother have all told my son that his father is a douche bag and I've done nothing wrong...their exact words.

My son finally broke down and messaged his father saying HEY, you another kid, talk to me. His father then unsubscribed to facebook....the fucking slimy bastard. According to an Akashic reader my son's father is an Organic Portal...she told me he does not walk in the light of god.

My son has not been the same since that happened, since his father unsubscribed....and for whatever ungodly reason he's taking it out on me.

My son put up barriers on his being able to feel anything since then. I've tried to talk to him about it a few times, and he shuts that down right away.

Fuck all if I can help him, if he won't accept it....and now he's so dangerously close to losing his mother. too.

I despise saying that, but I am more and more thinking going on like this is not in my best interest.

It sucks when it's in one's best interest to leave their only child in the dust....but I'm very, very close to that.

I'm so tired of feeling this pain due to him and his treatment of me....really very sick and tired of it.
...I adapt to the unknown,
under wandering stars I've grown,
by myself, but not alone...

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

To remember that no matter how darkness creeped in on us... to discover that we do not give up on casting it out of us and this world, is to discover faith. --Ain Soph Aur/A R K, GLP member

When North Korea is easier to negotiate with than the democrat party, then something is horribly wrong with them.--Zedakah, GLP member
Kamchatka

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03/07/2019 03:21 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Just reading through the thread, I'd say there's a chance that an autoimmune problem isn't something new and might even be at least partially behind some of your other problems (if you indeed have an autoimmune problem and not some test weirdness).

It's not a HUGE surprise it hasn't been diagnosed previously because the indicators don't show up in standard blood tests.

I had hay fever, thyroid problems, bad digestive problems, mysterious come-and-go joint problems, and suddenly had all the skin peel off my hands and feet. It happened serially, not all at once. But it finally led to the realization that I've got an autoimmune problem that's at the base of all the others. Now that I know what's going on, I've got a chance for some self healing.

Widespread autoimmune disorders are a relatively new phenomenon, and I'm going to place a whole lot of the blame on our chemically and hormonally polluted environment.

Over the years, I've taken on the belief that I am responsible for my own health care. Doctors are the tools I use when my own resources don't do the job. If that makes me crazy, well, I'll just blame it on the autoimmune factor, LOL.

Take all that with a grain of salt or less because I am not a medical professional, but be good to yourself because you need a healthy body to endure the spiritual wars.

Hugs.
More deplorable all the time.
Paranoiaaaaa
Yes, that's me. Married 31 yrs

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03/07/2019 04:25 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Cosmic, I'm so sorry you are having these problems with your son.

I can't imagine the pain you must be going through, especially at a time when you are having so many health issues.

I can't offer any advice, not that it would help as all situations & people are different.

All I can offer is my support & love. You have shown me & everyone here what a wonderful & loving person you are.

I don't understand how he cannot see that in you. He doesn't understand what he is missing out on by not including you in his life more.

Even though your son is a part of you, he is just that, a part. Maybe you can just set this thing with your son to the side for right now. Take things one at a time. Attend to your health now & there will be time to work on your relationship with your son later.

I will continue to be thinking about you & sending all my positive energies to you! hugs
"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." - Fox Mulder - The X-Files

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." - John Lennon

Outdoor Life - Live Off the Land
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Anonymous Coward
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03/07/2019 09:57 PM
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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Your son - very sorry to read - but he's clearly angry with you. Unresolved issues. Do you know what they are?

Clearly there is much for you and he to talk about.

He's your son, can't just ignore.

We've all made parenting mistakes.
cosmicgypsy  (OP)

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03/07/2019 11:05 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Your son - very sorry to read - but he's clearly angry with you. Unresolved issues. Do you know what they are?

Clearly there is much for you and he to talk about.

He's your son, can't just ignore.

We've all made parenting mistakes.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77431712



I explained in my last post.

I have tried talking to him, numerous times.

The only parenting mistake of any huge consequence was marrying his father....but I wouldn't have had my son if it weren't for marrying his father.

My son is emotionally walled up. I have tried to help him see his issues, but he won't talk to me about it....and really, why would he? He resents me.

When he was seven or eight years old - the classic age wherein kids start to form their own vision of their world - my son screamed at me, "You made my daddy go away," and I did no such thing.

His father left because he was selfish, and didn't want to deal with a family. It took me a year to get pregnant, and it wasn't a secret that I wanted a child.

I'm really not the bad guy here.
...I adapt to the unknown,
under wandering stars I've grown,
by myself, but not alone...

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

To remember that no matter how darkness creeped in on us... to discover that we do not give up on casting it out of us and this world, is to discover faith. --Ain Soph Aur/A R K, GLP member

When North Korea is easier to negotiate with than the democrat party, then something is horribly wrong with them.--Zedakah, GLP member
Anonymous Coward
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03/08/2019 12:58 AM
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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Your son - very sorry to read - but he's clearly angry with you. Unresolved issues. Do you know what they are?

Clearly there is much for you and he to talk about.

He's your son, can't just ignore.

We've all made parenting mistakes.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77431712



I explained in my last post.

I have tried talking to him, numerous times.

The only parenting mistake of any huge consequence was marrying his father....but I wouldn't have had my son if it weren't for marrying his father.

My son is emotionally walled up. I have tried to help him see his issues, but he won't talk to me about it....and really, why would he? He resents me.

When he was seven or eight years old - the classic age wherein kids start to form their own vision of their world - my son screamed at me, "You made my daddy go away," and I did no such thing.

His father left because he was selfish, and didn't want to deal with a family. It took me a year to get pregnant, and it wasn't a secret that I wanted a child.

I'm really not the bad guy here.
 Quoting: cosmicgypsy



Honestly I'm not saying you are. And very sorry to give that impression.

I'm just saying you need to talk to him. And never stop trying.

Think about you saying *the only parenting mistake I made* - that's quite a statement. Your kids see things from a different point of view. I could give you a list of my parents' mistakes, and they would be completely oblivious!
Anonymous Coward
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03/08/2019 10:31 AM
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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Good morning Gypsy. Are you much of a morning person? I think it would be so nice to have a regular morning coffee chat thread and you would be great moderating it. You are open minded, kind, polite, do not push beliefs and agendas, you do not judge and condemn. I think it would be fun.

I think we should also have a thread for abused, betrayed, abandoned, heartbroken parents. LOL.
Eilonwy

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03/08/2019 10:51 AM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Besides immaturity, there could also be things happening in the kids life that aren't so good such as declining mental health or addiction.

He could actually feel that he really is too busy. (either justifiably or not).

Of course, this could just be a big set up for a lesson down the road when a loved one leaves him stranded.

Last Edited by Eilonwy on 03/08/2019 10:53 AM
“A grower of turnips or shaper of clay, a commot Farmer or a king--every man is a hero if he strives more for others than for himself alone.”
Lloyd Alexander, The Castle of Llyr
cosmicgypsy  (OP)

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03/08/2019 11:36 AM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Besides immaturity, there could also be things happening in the kids life that aren't so good such as declining mental health or addiction.

He could actually feel that he really is too busy. (either justifiably or not).

Of course, this could just be a big set up for a lesson down the road when a loved one leaves him stranded.
 Quoting: Eilonwy



And that is what really kind of freaks me out, because I do have concerns perhaps he's going to become deathly ill....a kind of cosmic slap in his face.

I truly do not want for him to get that slap.
...I adapt to the unknown,
under wandering stars I've grown,
by myself, but not alone...

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

To remember that no matter how darkness creeped in on us... to discover that we do not give up on casting it out of us and this world, is to discover faith. --Ain Soph Aur/A R K, GLP member

When North Korea is easier to negotiate with than the democrat party, then something is horribly wrong with them.--Zedakah, GLP member
cosmicgypsy  (OP)

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03/08/2019 01:39 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Besides immaturity, there could also be things happening in the kids life that aren't so good such as declining mental health or addiction.

He could actually feel that he really is too busy. (either justifiably or not).

Of course, this could just be a big set up for a lesson down the road when a loved one leaves him stranded.
 Quoting: Eilonwy



And that is what really kind of freaks me out, because I do have concerns perhaps he's going to become deathly ill....a kind of cosmic slap in his face.

I truly do not want for him to get that slap.
 Quoting: cosmicgypsy



Now that I'm back home, there is something more I want to say about my above response--

I may not want like the dickens for my son to get that harsh slap, but it's not up to me. It's up to my son's expanded self. It's a harsh reality to me that my expanded self let me have that knowing, that my son may get back to him 1,000 fold what he's doing right now....and it's not only me he's done it to, it's his girlfriend also.

I learned a long time ago that what we as human beings may think are the harshest of lessons to be learned, like too hard and unnecessary, unwarranted lessons, our expanded selves just see them as lessons. There is no judgement from our expanded selves, and every single difficult lesson I've had in my life, my expanded self thinks they're right as rain, and to my in the long run UNDOUBTED benefit.

To my expanded self it is simply, "All are lessons."

I realized this through the song I Alone by Live, and these lyrics in that song--

And the greatest of teachers won't hesitate
To leave you there, by yourself, chained to fate


When I first heard those words I had a big ole moment....a HUGE moment. My skin bristled and pricked at me, and I went half the way out of my body. Huge moment for me.

It made me to stop whining about how all I wanted was to "go home." That moment had me to know that I came back here for a purpose, and that I'd best stop whining like a victim in the big bad world, and get with the program.

Yes, Humanity has been victimized, but we ARE NOT to remain in that victim mindset....we were not created to be victims, and to remain in the fear that victimization brings us.

We are to overcome being victimized. My son is not there yet. He, I'm sure, feels he's a victim of a father who had no soul and didn't give a shit one about him....well, and a mother who he thinks ran his daddy off.

As I've said, I have very intently tried to talk to him about this. My son refuses to discuss it with me....and I seriously don't know what more I can do for him.

I am not giving up on him, he's giving up on himself.

The song--




[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]
...I adapt to the unknown,
under wandering stars I've grown,
by myself, but not alone...

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

To remember that no matter how darkness creeped in on us... to discover that we do not give up on casting it out of us and this world, is to discover faith. --Ain Soph Aur/A R K, GLP member

When North Korea is easier to negotiate with than the democrat party, then something is horribly wrong with them.--Zedakah, GLP member
eilonwy
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03/08/2019 02:54 PM
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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Yes, he has his own trajectory...

I know a family in which every single person makes a HUGE effort to visit the sick. They have always been such a good role model for me and our kids. That is something you can do (model this behavior).

I wonder if adult in his family taught that role very cleverly somehow.

Visiting the sick used to be a much bigger thing in the olden days.

In the very olden days, before hospitals, people "waited upon" their sick friends and were there by their side even in the dead of night probably emptying chamber pots and giving fluids by the spoonful.

Our kids don't see the adults doing these things any more.
MySoul

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03/08/2019 03:16 PM
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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Okay, I have to admit that I just smoked an half a cig....yes, I bought a pack.

I'm only going to say that I'm having problems with my son, and he just blew up on me because I asked for my house key back, because I needed to give it to someone who could actually be there for me.

When I was in the ICU I texted him and told him I had had an heart attack and was in the ICU, and would he come to take me home. He only lives an half-hour away. He said he was too busy, and then hasn't even inquired how I was doing since then. This is not the only time he's shined me on where health issues are concerned.

It fucking wrecked me that he blew up on me, so I bought some cigarettes because I was such a mess.

I will see about throwing them away when I get myself calmed down.

What kind of son doesn't care about their mom like this?....it hurts terribly. I haven't said anything here about it, because I'm embarrassed.

I don't actually want to say anything else about it, it hurts too much. I've just got to adjust.
 Quoting: cosmicgypsy


Smoking is sticking two fingers up ! Better sticking too fingers up than having another heart attack. maybe keep the cigarettes in the garage out of the way, but obtainable if in desperation.

Good Luck CG
Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results. Willie Nelson
Rxel

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03/09/2019 09:41 AM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Hugs to cosmic

cosmicgypsy  (OP)

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03/09/2019 10:23 AM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Hugs to cosmic


 Quoting: Rxel



Awwwww, lovey, what an absolutely beautiful way to start my day. I did have a Cry of Loveliness, bless your heart.

Thank you, my friend. Much love for you...hugshf
...I adapt to the unknown,
under wandering stars I've grown,
by myself, but not alone...

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

To remember that no matter how darkness creeped in on us... to discover that we do not give up on casting it out of us and this world, is to discover faith. --Ain Soph Aur/A R K, GLP member

When North Korea is easier to negotiate with than the democrat party, then something is horribly wrong with them.--Zedakah, GLP member
SkinsUK

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03/09/2019 10:59 AM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Hugs to cosmic


 Quoting: Rxel


I want a cow!
:-(
"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you've fed him for a lifetime." 

If you feel like you are losing your soul, you still have a soul left to lose.
SkinsUK

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03/09/2019 11:10 AM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Hugs to cosmic


 Quoting: Rxel


I want a cow!
:-(
 Quoting: SkinsUK


And a pig.
And a big koi-carp.
Animals are great.
I never thought i would say this, but i sort of feel sorry for eating them.
Ah well, food chain and all that!
I would just like to add, it is complete bullcrap to say a fish has no memory. Fish can be cunning, and no, fish do not forget!
Some can live for 30 years plus!

Search Mary, from Wraysbury.
Such a beauty.
Once held the title of the UK record.
Was probably pure English breed too
(Laney strain)
My hat is off!
"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you've fed him for a lifetime." 

If you feel like you are losing your soul, you still have a soul left to lose.
SkinsUK

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03/09/2019 11:23 AM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Cosmic! I wish i could join, so i could message you in private. I know we could chat for hours. I like good people.
Your Son is his own Man! I believe he is wrong and i believe he will regret his actions. You know this! You seem a good mother. Continue to be so. He has dropped a bollock. We live and learn!
YOU ARE A GOOD UN MRS. ONE OF MY LOVELY LOT!
People who i will never meet, that make ME feel content.

Swing low.
Sweet chariot.
Coming for to carry me home....

I love the lot of ya x


smile

Be good, and be YOU!
X
"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you've fed him for a lifetime." 

If you feel like you are losing your soul, you still have a soul left to lose.
cosmicgypsy  (OP)

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03/09/2019 11:39 AM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Just reading through the thread, I'd say there's a chance that an autoimmune problem isn't something new and might even be at least partially behind some of your other problems (if you indeed have an autoimmune problem and not some test weirdness).

It's not a HUGE surprise it hasn't been diagnosed previously because the indicators don't show up in standard blood tests.

I had hay fever, thyroid problems, bad digestive problems, mysterious come-and-go joint problems, and suddenly had all the skin peel off my hands and feet. It happened serially, not all at once. But it finally led to the realization that I've got an autoimmune problem that's at the base of all the others. Now that I know what's going on, I've got a chance for some self healing.

Widespread autoimmune disorders are a relatively new phenomenon, and I'm going to place a whole lot of the blame on our chemically and hormonally polluted environment.

Over the years, I've taken on the belief that I am responsible for my own health care. Doctors are the tools I use when my own resources don't do the job. If that makes me crazy, well, I'll just blame it on the autoimmune factor, LOL.

Take all that with a grain of salt or less because I am not a medical professional, but be good to yourself because you need a healthy body to endure the spiritual wars.

Hugs.
 Quoting: Kamchatka



I saw the Internist yesterday, and that particular test is about me having arthritis. Had there of been another test with an out of range reading, then he said it would've been indicative of lupus or some other autoimmune disease.

He also said that if another one of the tests had of been out of range, then it would of been indicative of RA.

I do have advanced osteoarthritis. I've known this for about three years due to my back issues. I take supplements to keep the pain from that in check.

So, yeah, I'm very pleased at the results....well, I'm not pleased about the osteoarthritis, but I am very happy I don't have something like a diagnosis of lupus. That would just compound everything else going on in a deleterious way.

It's more than enough dealing with the lifestyle changes I have to deal with due to my heart, without throwing lupus on top of it.

The Internist told me, "If it has eyes, a nose, and a mouth, then it not good food for you!"....lolsign

I mostly only eat white meat chicken, and I thought I was doing well by myself by eating that....but he said no, that it still has micro cholesterol in it.

He got his calculator and figured out that I should eat no more than 2.5 ounces of white chicken meat a day....that's about one pound of chicken a week. I can very well do that, although I will probably only eat chicken twice a week. It's a plant based food diet I need to work myself towards now.

It's been a week since the heart attack, and I have what seems like a mountain of changes to make. It gets a bit overwhelming in moments, but I need to just take each day one step at a time.

I got the matcha yesterday, so I have a new "toy" to play with. I used to love drinking green tea, but I had a terrible experience with it once, and have put it on the back burner since.

I'm looking forward to giving it a try, and incorporating it into my new up and coming lifestyle....hf
...I adapt to the unknown,
under wandering stars I've grown,
by myself, but not alone...

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

To remember that no matter how darkness creeped in on us... to discover that we do not give up on casting it out of us and this world, is to discover faith. --Ain Soph Aur/A R K, GLP member

When North Korea is easier to negotiate with than the democrat party, then something is horribly wrong with them.--Zedakah, GLP member
cosmicgypsy  (OP)

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03/09/2019 11:44 AM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Cosmic! I wish i could join, so i could message you in private. I know we could chat for hours. I like good people.
Your Son is his own Man! I believe he is wrong and i believe he will regret his actions. You know this! You seem a good mother. Continue to be so. He has dropped a bollock. We live and learn!
YOU ARE A GOOD UN MRS. ONE OF MY LOVELY LOT!
People who i will never meet, that make ME feel content.

Swing low.
Sweet chariot.
Coming for to carry me home....

I love the lot of ya x


smile

Be good, and be YOU!
X
 Quoting: SkinsUK



Awwwa, thank you, lovey! It's posts like yours that make me feel so very fortunate....hugshf


There have been so very many posts on this thread that have me feeling over the top fortunate, and I love all of youse guyses....


curtsy
...I adapt to the unknown,
under wandering stars I've grown,
by myself, but not alone...

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

To remember that no matter how darkness creeped in on us... to discover that we do not give up on casting it out of us and this world, is to discover faith. --Ain Soph Aur/A R K, GLP member

When North Korea is easier to negotiate with than the democrat party, then something is horribly wrong with them.--Zedakah, GLP member
Anonymous Coward
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03/09/2019 11:52 AM
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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Heh, smoking some cigarettes right now is not messing with my head. I will get back to not smoking, but it's not going to be right now.

I'm like a wide open bloody gash right now, I'm in fucking hell, and I'm not going to further stress myself out by fighting with the addiction on top of my kwappy hurt.

I was doing so good, so I'll be doing good again.

I just can't even deal with it right now.
 Quoting: cosmicgypsy


I have a nephew that when I told him if he was going to be critical of this president,he better be critical of the past presidents too, he said I was sh*t and told me to die. Hurt, but letting it go and just trying give him a lot of space.

I'm taking care of my 88 year old mom, the nephew lives here too, won't help with anything won't even visit with my mom.

On a lighter note, you can get CBD oil disposable vaporizers that are a lot like a cigarettes, but would be good for you. No THC in them either.

hf
Starbird

User ID: 75520700
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03/09/2019 12:11 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
sigh...I was just going to remove my last post, but I'm too late.

I'll be okay. I don't have any more tears about it. I cried all those out on Saturday.

I really have no idea what his problem is, save that he just can't handle his otherwise strong mother being sick, or he just doesn't like me.

I really don't know where to go with him....save for it's all up to him now. I'm not going to ask him for a single thing more. I can't deal with the stress where he's concerned, nor anymore heartbreak.

I'm finished with it, and need to move on.
 Quoting: cosmicgypsy


Sometimes when people cannot handle or face their emotions they just completely shut down. They think that shutting down is a safe place. Its like climbing into a cave or shell and denying the processing of reality.

I am sorry he has withdrawn from you, my intuitive feeling is he can't handle the surge of emotion and the only thing he knows to do to cope is to withdraw.

I am so sorry for your pain, I pray you find a sense a peace - that kind of peace they talk about in the Bible - the type that passes all understanding. I think beyond our mind there is a place that knows - its going to be ok - and we are in Love despite the appearances of the world around us.

This reality we think we live in - is a sick twisted joke of experience that has nothing to do with spirit. When you lay in bed at night and take the time for prayers or spirit talking what ever your faith leaning - talk to his higher soul, tell your son you Love him and you know he Loves you back with his higher soul, because he does. Its just the flesh bodies that act afoul. Try your best to let go of expectations - really close your eyes and try and absorb peace. I know that sounds like whack a doo woo and all but there is - a place of peace and rest for our souls in meditation.

Sending you prayers for healing. Mind & Body & SOUL.
I used to be just a Littlebird ~ Sometimes I'm a meanie head.
Starbird

User ID: 75520700
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03/09/2019 12:40 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Last night I did message with my son....well, I first messaged his girlfriend asking her if my son even told her I'd had a heart attack. She didn't answer, but son about a half-hour later messaged me.

Long story short, because his girlfriend's mom had a heart attack and they kept her in the hospital for a week - like 20 years ago - he seems to think I'm fine....but I never said I wasn't fine. I asked him how neither him nor his girlfriend could not contact me to ask me how I was doing.

He then had the fucking nerve to tell me I'm not a victim in this. Heh, nothing totally pisses me off more than to even insinuate or intimate that I have a victim mentality. Given all the fucking work I've done in my life to deal with actually being a victim - and I've overcome it ALL - it set me on flames when he did like he did.

When I woke up this morning I instantly started crying. I hadn't even had a thought yet. Eyes open, tears falling. That hasn't happened too much in my life, but when it does I know how deep in emotional dooty I'm in.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm on the verge of a fucking panic attack, but I'm breathing through it.

Part of me is standing strong and thinking I just need to let go of him, because life is waaay too short for this bullshit. If he weren't my son, I'd tell him to fuck off and die in a dark corner....I really don't tolerate people fucking with me.

The other part of me is his mother....how can I just let go of him? This is the part of me waking up in tears.

All I want right now is to be out of my body. I don't mean dead, just out....out of this near panicky feeling. It sucks, big time.

There is not another single person on the face of the planet I would allow to wreck me like he's doing.

That's what is bothering me, that I'm letting it go on within me JUST because he's my son, and I love him.

I know there is not a single thing anyone can say to me or do for me to help right now....I guess I'm just venting.

I am at such a loss within myself....and I have got to get right inside of me. Stress is the worst thing ever for me right now.

I am just keeping on breathing right. It's all I can do to deal with this shit this morning.
 Quoting: cosmicgypsy


Oh no, I answered before getting to this post.
For Right now, just right now you have to at least release the attachment and need for answers - just for now - maybe it helps if you put it into goals.
Set the goal you work on your peace of mind and healing and be prepared girl because this heart attack just put you on your personal Karmic/Shamanic path of healing and reconciliation. I fear in some ways you have some big shadow work to do. But its ok, one step and a time and this event is a gift to get to a place of peace you probably have never really known in life before - this was a big event and not just about the physical manifestation. This is spirit work ~
So Honey, right now - release - ok - get a tennis ball and squeeze it thinking about your son as hard as you can till your hand is tired and then totally let it go - this is a physical thing you can do when you get panicked about the situation and anxiety is crushing - and a tennis ball is cheep you can carry one easily in your purse. Get it out, squeeze it when the thoughts/obsessions anxiety rises.

Then after a good few pumps of hard squeeze you release and you stop thinking about the weight of the issues.

Journal, get compositions books they are cheep - I get the wide ruled type for school - if you go to Walmart they are like a dollar - I get colored ones - ok - I try and get the black ones and that is where I write my negative emotions and anger, I put it in those black fucking books and eventually I burn them - I send that negative energy to spirit by fire - I watch the smoke curl and carry it to Wind element for absorption.

Next take the colored journal that you keep your positive thoughts in - or write aspirations in or just make a list of the things you are grateful about each morning.

You are on this journey - the Universe shook hard and put you on a path for reconciliation with your own spirit - and its actually a gift you can't see right now but you will get there -

For now - if you must message at all say - I Love you son, I can see you need some space, and I have got to work on my healing. - Then work on it, just work on YOU.
Maybe you set a goal 3 months I stay on my own path, or 6 months - and during that time you do the work, you do the meditation - you do the growth - and when conversation can be had again you ask spirit for guidance over the words - You call in all the angels and spirits for support.

The heart is not only the big electric machine that keeps us going - it holds its own thinking and memories - It shook you because it wants attention, it needs your attention and not just the physical wellness but the emotional world of memories - its about you, taking care of you - in all aspects. This is a gift of awareness, because now you can clear and clean out the wounds of your soul before you do finally walk that final path to spirit - and also - your work, your healing work will help others.

You had a near death experience Honey - let that process in your consciousness and pray and ask spirit for guidance. You will be supported.
I used to be just a Littlebird ~ Sometimes I'm a meanie head.
Starbird

User ID: 75520700
United States
03/09/2019 12:47 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Anti-DNA(SS)lgG,Ab,Qn

Autoimmune disease indicator, can be lupus or a host of others.

My inflammatory/autoimmune results are often waaaaay skewed. The only thing that EVER seems to normalize them somewhat is to cut the carbs back to darn near zero, no grain, no sugar.

I'm a long ways from 100% on that, but the more I do it, the more it seems to help.
 Quoting: Kamchatka



When my blood was being drawn for the tests, the tech and I were talking, and I told her about the problems with my hoochie.

She said she has had the same problem with hers, and that she's been diagnosed with lupus.

I'm going to be FLOORED if that's what's wrong with me, and I'm not going to be happy with my Internist, because he told me - through his nurse - that I can wait until tomorrow to see him about it. I was alarmed about the reading being so high I called the office.

Heh, if I get into his office tomorrow and he says more tests need to be run I'm going to take the order for the tests to get those done, and then tell him hasta la bye bye, I'll find another Internist. He could've ordered more tests up in the interim time, like two weeks, since I talked to him through his nurse.

I'm telling youse guyses, beyond the BS with my son right now, beyond having a freaking heart attack, beyond having nine bowel obstructions last year, beyond have problems with my toy box....I feel great most everyday. No one believes I'm as old as I am, because my spirit keeps me youthful.

I will be thoroughly SHOCKED if I have some kind of autoimmune issue going on. I really don't, on the normal days - which are more often than not - feel like I have something as debilitating as lupus.

It's just beyond me how I can feel as happy as I have throughout the last 1.5 years of issues. What I've had going on is enough to knock the spirit right out of a person....and I just keep on keeping on.

My strength is my fortress.

I did just get off the phone with my best friend, and I'm feeling better. I do so love that woman.

I do absolutely think my son resents me, because his father has had jack shit to do with him. My son did see his father's facebook page and how he had three more children, and has seemed to have led a charmed life.

My son's two aunts, his uncle, and his grandmother have all told my son that his father is a douche bag and I've done nothing wrong...their exact words.

My son finally broke down and messaged his father saying HEY, you another kid, talk to me. His father then unsubscribed to facebook....the fucking slimy bastard. According to an Akashic reader my son's father is an Organic Portal...she told me he does not walk in the light of god.

My son has not been the same since that happened, since his father unsubscribed....and for whatever ungodly reason he's taking it out on me.

My son put up barriers on his being able to feel anything since then. I've tried to talk to him about it a few times, and he shuts that down right away.

Fuck all if I can help him, if he won't accept it....and now he's so dangerously close to losing his mother. too.

I despise saying that, but I am more and more thinking going on like this is not in my best interest.

It sucks when it's in one's best interest to leave their only child in the dust....but I'm very, very close to that.

I'm so tired of feeling this pain due to him and his treatment of me....really very sick and tired of it.
 Quoting: cosmicgypsy


He is using you as a scapegoat for his pain. He has been marginalized and abandoned by his father. You are the "safe place" but he pushes you away to fears in his subconscious. I think instead of pushing him away you need to just say I Love you, I don't know why you are really mad at me, but I Love you. I am going to take time to heal now, because I have to do this. But still, I Love you.
And tell him you know he Loves you even if he is pushing you away, and that sometimes life and emotions are very complicated and confusing.

Keep it simple like that. He might have PTSD from the trauma of the situation with his father and he has no tools to deal with that so he just seems to act "inappropriately" - its a complex reaction to trauma. Its a way he has found to cope.
I used to be just a Littlebird ~ Sometimes I'm a meanie head.
Starbird

User ID: 75520700
United States
03/09/2019 12:52 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Hugs to cosmic


 Quoting: Rxel


I want a cow!
:-(
 Quoting: SkinsUK


And a pig.
And a big koi-carp.
Animals are great.
I never thought i would say this, but i sort of feel sorry for eating them.
Ah well, food chain and all that!
I would just like to add, it is complete bullcrap to say a fish has no memory. Fish can be cunning, and no, fish do not forget!
Some can live for 30 years plus!

Search Mary, from Wraysbury.
Such a beauty.
Once held the title of the UK record.
Was probably pure English breed too
(Laney strain)
My hat is off!
 Quoting: SkinsUK


Oh Fish are cool.
I used to be just a Littlebird ~ Sometimes I'm a meanie head.
cosmicgypsy  (OP)

User ID: 74619032
United States
03/09/2019 03:14 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
Starbird, I want to thank you very much for taking the time with me that you have....hf

I've been thinking how to respond to you, but I am okay with him and how he is with me, and I do understand that he can't deal with me being sick. He is used to having a rock solid and strong mother, and while I am that in my spirit, my body is a different story.

My best friend and I were talking and crying a few days ago, and I kept getting the message, like five times, "He doesn't have the room within him to feel about you right now."

I have to and have accepted this now. He's deeply wounded.

I will be talking to his expanded self, and tell him that I love him, and that I understand. This will be as good for me as I hope it will be for him.

I can wish from here until the end of time that he gets himself straightened out, but that is not up to me. It is up to him. Perhaps the talking with his expanded self will help soften him....but I don't want him to do that for me, I want him to do it for himself.

I most likely will within the next few days send him a written message telling him that I love him, but that I need to take care of my health now, and I cannot be ripped up by MY expectation of how he's supposed to be regarding me. I will tell him he is able to talk to me at any time, when he's ready and able.

Thank you again, lovey. I read every word you wrote, and I do appreciate your effort, very much...hugshf
...I adapt to the unknown,
under wandering stars I've grown,
by myself, but not alone...

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

To remember that no matter how darkness creeped in on us... to discover that we do not give up on casting it out of us and this world, is to discover faith. --Ain Soph Aur/A R K, GLP member

When North Korea is easier to negotiate with than the democrat party, then something is horribly wrong with them.--Zedakah, GLP member
cosmicgypsy  (OP)

User ID: 74619032
United States
03/09/2019 03:22 PM

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Re: Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night
I was in the grocery store a bit ago and was standing in front of the chocolate bars looking for a high percentage cocoa bar, and this sparkly eyed, smiling gentleman walks past me saying, "Just gotta have something sweet, huh?"

blink....I swear, the cosmic spies are EVERYWHERE....damned

I just walked away, without the chocolate.

Heh, I can't get away with anything....lol1
...I adapt to the unknown,
under wandering stars I've grown,
by myself, but not alone...

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

To remember that no matter how darkness creeped in on us... to discover that we do not give up on casting it out of us and this world, is to discover faith. --Ain Soph Aur/A R K, GLP member

When North Korea is easier to negotiate with than the democrat party, then something is horribly wrong with them.--Zedakah, GLP member