Sheesh, I had a heart attack last night

Love frogs! Three hours! lol

It's been an odd surprise at the amount of people who want me to stay here. I got an email from someone on GLP - he calls me his "spiritual big sister" - the subject line read, "You can’t leave me!!"....

I'm sure he'll see this comment.... hey there, brother-man...

With some more brutal honesty: Sometimes lately I think if y'all really loved me, you'd just let go, let god, and let me exit....but I'm thinking the important one in all of me being here is "god"....my expanded self.

But GOOD people don't think that way, and y'all are some damn good people.

I love you for the people you are....





I am going to take the statin - just made up my mind - and then work like the dickens to get off of it within three months. That's my plan, and I'm sticking to it......well, save for if it makes me feel icky, and then I'm going to have to work double time on myself.

I so very, very, VERY much do not want to go through what I did Friday night, EVER AGAIN!

The ONLY indication that there may be a heart problem was my high blood pressure...but, dang it, my blood pressure soared when I even got close to a doc's office. It's called "White Coat Fever"...I had to have so very many shots when I was a little girl due to bad ear infections and strep throat, penicillin shots, and also because of all the shots I had to get because we lived in the Philippines.

Heh, I threw an unholy fit at five/six years old due to having to get yet ANOTHER shot. It took something like two corpsmen, three nurses, and my horrified mother - who was shoving tissue in my mouth to drown out the large noise I was making - to hold me down to get that one shot in me. I was such a tiny little thing, too.

Harhar, strong spirit, eh?....:lol1:

I finally broke down and got the 'script for the HBP med because I was so damn worn out from the obstructions, and from fighting with docs when I knew the blood pressure soared because of me being in front of them. Very circuitous it was.

I have to say, I'm happy I do take it now. My life is so much more calm now....heh, no more road rage when some asshat comes screaming up on my cars tail end, and then sits there like a big fucking bully. The basturds. I was already exceeding the speed limit as it was.

Now, I just move over to the other lane....harhar, and I don't even flip them off anymore.





Since being awake, I have always tried to figure out the "cosmic" connection in all of the struggles of my life. Some of it I understand, most of it, some of it I'm still working on.

This latest thing, the heart attack, is peaking my interest, and I'm thinking about it deeply.

Do I think the clogged artery just magically appeared because I've been saying my heart is broken more and more these days?....naw, but I do know there's a cosmic reason somewhere in there why I had that heart attack when I did. I think it's because I dissed my expanded self's warning. I brought it on myself, in more ways than one.

I know why I write so much in posts....it's because always, ALWAYS, my words touch another's life for the better.

I am a Wanderer. My soul group came back to this hell hole to be of aide. What I write is for other's more than for myself.

As my best friend "Sisterella" said her kitteh told her, "It ain't easy being human."

I am acutely aware of how hard it is to be a human being, in more than one way....the odds are very much stacked against us to survive, much less to thrive. We were not created to not thrive.

If anything I write helps any other person, then I am honoring my Wanderer being. IT IS my pleasure to serve Humanity.

Muffins just came out of the oven! I'm going to pour a hot cup of coffee, and nom nom nom on one of them.

Wow just seen this. Glad you are doing well.

Yes, I'm doing swimmingly well...

I just yelled out my back door to my neighbor who was smoking a cig. We would always talk about needing to quit, and how hard it is to quit. He's the one who gave me the nicotine gum.

I told him that I was really going to have to quit now, because I had an heart attack Friday night and had a stent put in. He was shocked. He just kept saying WOW over and over again.

A bit after that he came knocking on my door, he telling me whatever I needed, that he's right here to help. To take me to the store if I felt too tired - I feel fine - or if god forbid, I have another problem like Friday night, to just knock on his door, and he will take care of calling 911 and anything else needed.

He is a nice man....he was hard to get to know, another walking distrustful human being, but I do think he's comfortable with me now.

I really am a very fortunate woman...

My boss, the one I've elevated to Archangel level - she's so awesome to me, always having my back - she freaking texted every single employee telling them I had had an heart attack, and to pray for me.

Lawdy, I didn't necessarily want her to do that, but her heart was indeed in the right place, so I can't even be mad about it. It is kinda embarrassing to have had an heart attack.

When I was being wheeled out of the hospital there of course stood one of my coworkers.... of course. He came up to me all sad and worried looking, telling me he was sorry. I told him I felt perfectly fine outside of being tired from the night from hell, and I asked him if he could give me a ride home, but he was going to Tulie, the opposite direction of my pad. I told him I'd just catch the bus, that it was okay, no problem. I was standing there waiting for the bus, and up he drove. He told me to get in the car, that he was taking me right home, that dispatch nor his client minded.

I mean, I could've called for an in-town cab to take me home, no charge, but it's the beginning of the month, and in-town drivers get run ragged because of people getting their SS and disability checks, and needing to go shopping. I didn't want to run them any more ragged. It really wouldn't of been a big deal to take the bus, but I was also happy to get home as fast as I could. I more than anything else just wanted very much to be in my space.

Again, I really am a very fortunate woman....to feel this much love thrown my way is over the top beautiful and is so very touching.

At least this gives me a Cry of Loveliness moment now, when so much else looks bleak enough to have me sitting her alone and sobbing the saddest of tears.

No matter how strong I am, all this bullshit in the world of people happening now makes me incredibly sad. It's, I think, not supposed to be like this. Some will say it's all in order, but I know what they don't know, and it's not. Humanity is and has been taken advantage of, to put it nicely. You don't even want me to put it in my crass terms, it's ugly...heh, plus the stress of "saying" it isn't what I need right now either.

I love all youse guyses, every single person here and there looking out for me right now....

Makin some coffee ..

So glad to hear you have come out on the other side, and it appears things will be fine, with some adjustments to lifestyle.

Still, keeping you in my prayers that a full healing is done.

Wishin' you were here to have a muffin with me, and some girl talk. They're not sweet, but they are still yummy! I added some walnuts this time....


A wonderful song I've always loved, kinda says what I'm not able to right now, so as to not stress myself out--




[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]


If you were an originally created human being, then I'm telling you straight up....if you haven't yet realized it and taken care of it, you have a very dark primal fear in you. This primal fear is running your life, and you don't even know it.

My friends, please dig into yourselves, and release that fear. Not a single damn thing is more important for you and your quality of life, your future, than to address and release that fear.

If you don't know whether or not you're an originally created soul, then do it anyway. We all need to clean our consciousness clocks.

Thank you, Lady Jane, for everything you do...

Glad to read that you are doing well today.

Stay on the mend

Girl talk! A rare thing for me! Super sweet thing to say. Here is another that says what I can't.

Can't believe you said that ... I almost did too ... I was close to driving myself to the ER but managed to fight off the attack ... they came in waves of contractions/ heart squeezes ... did it by using massive dose of cayenne pepper turmeric garlic vit C and lysine, magnesium citrate, baby aspirin, along with a hot shower to heat up my core. I didn't take everything at once, but staged them in series to fight the inflammation that took over within 20 minutes. Skin was inflamed, so was digestive tract, took about 6 hours to get through the worst of it ... still not 100% today, face still puffed up. hit me so quickly yesterday, worst in my life.

In the future... for arterial health (not doctor's advice, 'please seek one' lol)... good regimen is to use vitamin c and lysine combined with rose hips. Research Dr Linus Pauling he proved how to reverse heart disease using this combination (it makes the arteries flexible again, they get brittle as we get older). The medical industry fought him of course, money is in perpetual treatment not healing

I'm so glad you had a good sleep and are feeling better emotionally. Even though you may feel fine physically, I would think it is a really freaky thing to process in your head!

What do you mean by "whether or not you're an originally created soul"?

The thing that is freaking me out a bit is that I now have this stent in me. I'm like worried it's going to break free, and....

It's also just strange to know it's in there. It's man made, so...it's just bothering at me a bit. It's something I'm certainly going to be discussing with the cardiologist when I get an appointment with him

But this is my own fault, what has happened, and without it my heart would've suffered permanent damage. I'll eventually get over it. I at the beginning don't normally do change well....I'm a Stellium Scorpio, it's like I do not do change well x4, but I do adjust with a little bit of time.





Hookay, I should've added 'originally created soul to EARTH'.

I think the planet and the universe is an holograph. I believe the universe does have a beginning and an ending....that is it's finite. I do know how that flies in the face of what so very many people believe.

It's a very intricate holograph we have very little knowledge of, because we're just not that advanced to understand it yet. Our scientists are just now postulating that the entire universe is holographic. The information I've garnered says it most definitely is.

Lovey, I've OBEd into an original human body on the originally created planet. We are purely PATHETIC as we are now, compared to how we were then. We are barely ghosts of how we were originally created....got damn, we might as well be dead, but we have just enough DNA firing to be used by....well, the elite and their hyperdimensional cohorts. It's the multitude of Organic Portals that are giving us the most grief now. The Reptilians had to pull out numerous years ago, because the planet's vibration raised to the point they couldn't hang with it. They left behind a very strong, yet soft "grid work" that most of us still believe in... socio, economic, religious, etc. The things that tell us how we are to think, eh?

Humanity is in really bad shape right now....very bad. This mess here has gone on for way longer than it should have. We have had the proverbial rug pulled out from underneath us so many times. That's why so very many of us evoluted souls have returned to help at this time. There are more than just Wanderers having come back.

We used to be such a magnificent race of beings. Our only downfall was our innocent nature. That was taken advantage of by other races of beings. The other races have been talked about on GLP so very much.

I don't know the small details, because I "see" things from waaay out there, when I do see. Mine is a very broad scope of understanding, whereas others' scope's are much smaller and more detailed.

So, while some of us here have originally created souls to the planet earth, others are souls originating from elsewhere. There were not nearly anywhere close to 8 billion of us in the original creation. Not even close.

And please do not misunderstand me....there is nothing more special about any one soul over another soul. We all of us that do have souls are equally important. We are all a part of creation, yes?

Heh, I'm no more special than anyone else....not even, and I KNOW it. I just have enough universal experience to talk about what needs to be done.

We need to all wake the fuck up ALL THE WAY, and to clean up our consciousnesses in preparation to move on from this wobbling planet and pathetic lives.

Also, it helps nothing that the holograph was recently changed up. We were getting too close to pulling off an en mass "Ascension," and those who reign over us as controllers knew it, and fucked us over but good by changing the "scene."

Honestly, I don't have nearly as much "power" as I used to have before the shitty shift, save for just my "voice" and that I still remember. They can't take my memories away from me, I'm too strong of will. That's the one thing about being a Wanderer that does make me kickass....my memories can't be completely destroyed.

I hope I've answered your question. There may be some people who disagree with me, and you should listen to them, too, and then find what fits best for you to actually believe in.

Belief should be sparingly held in this reality, because there really isn't too much to invest that kind of strong power into. Belief is a very strong human power, and I hope you all know it, because it is what will create the next reality you land in once the curtain does drop, time stands still, and we all get to scoot on out of here.

Any other questions had by anyone, and I'm more than happy to answer them as best as I can...heh, I have the time this week to do so...but I REALLY do want you all to decide for yourselves, okay?

It's so important that everyone gets to the finish line under their own steam, and not because they're blindly following someone else.

And, thank you for the opportunity to talk about it....

Believe it. I make no excuses for going to the ER. I was so very out of my depth.

The difference between you and I is that I know for a fact that no damage was done to my heart, and I feel like a million bucks right now.

That was a GREAT answer- thanks!! So much of what you wrote resonates with me. I had an experience once where I came out of a CRAZY DEEP meditation with the wild epiphany of "I know everything and I know nothing." It was like I had been re-born.

Since then, I have lived in a weird "I believe everything and I believe nothing" existence, which is not always pleasant! I feel like the ground is wobbly beneath me, and pretty much nothing would surprise me at this point. That is why I liked this from you: "Belief should be sparingly held in this reality, because there really isn't too much to invest that kind of strong power into."

To me, the feeling of both "knowing" and "not knowing" is like wearing a sweater that constantly itches you but you can't take it off. I just figure that my job is to wear the dang sweater and be grateful I have one! Complete victory will be when I don't even itch any more! Until then, I will just watch and see how things unfold.

Thanks again for sharing. Be gentle with yourself!!

Perhaps, lovey, not getting all itchy - you're so funny - would come with you realizing that while "I believe everything and I believe nothing" that you are just living in THE MOMENT. When Occam's Razor is applied to that statement, that's what it boils out to be....you living freely in the moment.

Perhaps if you let go of that notion and live in the moment, like I think you're doing more than not doing, then you'd stop being so itchy and scratchy...

This day and age, living in the moment is an healthy thing, as long as one isn't all screwed down emotionally.

Can you, can I, can everyone live in the moment, at peace within themselves in that moment?

I happen to think if we all did just that, then perhaps in a blink of an eye, in just that one moment...SHAZAM! we'd become free from these chains that are binding us to this planet.

This is exactly why I've said over and over and over again for so many years on GLP and elsewhere, that all we need to do is clean our consciousness clocks. It's all any one of us should be doing, instead of watching the fucking train wreck chugging along right in front of our eyes....and yes, I do know I am guilty at looking, too, but I'm way better off than many of you because I have indeed cleaned my consciousness clock.

Sincerely, I tell you, the only thing keeping us here is how much we believe in here. We are stronger than the controllers.

As a group, we are so very powerful, yet so many don't know it or won't believe in themselves enough.

I really have done as much as I can to try to coax people into cleaning their consciousness up, and believing in themselves as a force to be reckoned with.

So few have listened....but as long as I'm on the planet, I will not give up on anyone. I happen to love Humanity.

I have had a lot of similar shit to over come and some different shit.. Isn't life GREAT though....... You are tough. I don't have the ciggi issue .. but I am a foodie and have problems related to that.. its not good for my diabetes for example.. but I want to console myself with food.. I can be pissed as shit and eat... happy as all get out on the rolling high of success and laughter .. no matter.. food is needed.. even when its not.

Good news I got off my morphine.. in the process found out some of the causes of my horrid pain.. diabetes and foodie being one of them. I was on that 19 years. I am not free of pain but it doesn't come around so badly that I need a pill. During the cold winter storm with achy body I broke down and took 2 tylenol..

take care!

I think you are 100% correct. I think the great experiment of "connectivity" resulted in our being connected to everyone, but being TRULY connected to very few at the same time. It seems like we lost our core tribe in gaining access to the entire planet.

Sometimes I dream about living completely away from it all - off grid. It's probably because I recognize the addiction of watching the train wreck, and I find the train wreck too fascinating to ignore, so it would probably be easier for me to just have the source of the addiction removed completely from my life! It's lazy and extreme, I know, but it would work!!! "What's happening in the world?" "I have NO clue, and I'm really good with that!" Hahahahahahaha!!!

I will think more about your words and thoughts. I like this: "the only thing keeping us here is how much we believe in here. We are stronger than the controllers. "

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

ps. Can you please share how to clean your consciousness?

So glad you are ok. Prayers and blessings for healing. Also amazing you have no pain. Your message is beautiful you wrote above. Words of wisdom we should all live by. Thank you for being you and thank the heavens for letting you stay to share more light and love.

BIG congratulations from me for putting the morphine down.....

For me it's the regimen of supplements I take to control the inflammation in my back...plus two Tylenol for Arthritis that kicks it off if I'm sore from driving too much in one day. Upon occasion I will take a 50 mg dose of Tramadol, but I've got to be in over the top pain to take one of those. If I've got take more than three in a week, then I haul myself off to the doc for, uhg, a dose pack. I hate dose packs, but it's a helluva lot better than getting addicted to opiates.

Last time I had to see a doc a few months ago because I had hit my limit of three that week, I went to a walk-in clinic because it was a Saturday, and the nurse practitioner gave me a shot of Kenalog, a steroid, AND a shot of muscle relaxer. I was all fixed up and out of pain within about an hour. I was so loving that woman....

Now knowing about the shot, I will never get another dose pack, also steroids. They are so damn harsh. They do the trick, but it takes days, and they're just nasty on the body.

Food is important, but knowing the right kinds of food to eat is even more important....listen, lovey, we all have our issues. We just need to learn how to best treat ourselves on our journey.

Hi CG...so glad that You are Home and on the Mend...sending You Cosmic Love and Positive and Healing thoughts...I love You and Your Cosmic Spirit...

d thanks for mentioning the meal before it happened. sounds like a typical meal for most people, kinda scary.

my dad used to leave heart and smoking pamphlets next to my chair, I tried quitting since the 1990's, I finally did it in 2011 and never looked back. the only thing that I could do it with was the e-cigs and I quit those eventually a few years ago with straws.

you might have to try a few methods before you can find one that will work for you. I think those patches are very powerful, you can immediately feel the nicotine going in if you are late replacing a patch but I always went back with those.

there are so many options, I hope the gum works for you. you can maybe add some straws to that, the chewing and having something in the mouth is very effective.

....I love you so very much for how you pull the best belly laughs outta me. rewind, too...she's also hilarious.

It's true, eh?....laughter is one of the best medicines!





Lawdy, I knew that question was coming......it always comes. I was kinda hoping I could slide by today, but it's okay....it really is important.


Ya know, sister, I've told people how I did it, many times. The fact of the matter is, we are all individuals. We've all got to find our own way, under our own steam. What worked for me may not work for others....there's no set way to do it. I mean, everyone can haul themselves off to a shrink, but that's just asking for more insanity to ensue, especially if you're just trying to find yourself. I know, because I tried that route. Having just ONE hypnotherapy session did more for me to "break through" than the 1.5 years I spent in therapy....and I broke through my first memory in this life, me being molested, and all that followed that molestation.

That one act of molestation broke my psyche. Quite literally, it broke me. I was such a wee one when that happened. But that man knew what he was doing, and why. That's all I'm going to say about that right now. It's done and over, and I'm all healed up from that, by many numerous years.

What I can tell you for sure is that YOU'VE GOT TO WANT IT....REALLY WANT IT!

When I first woke up I was so frustrated by trying to figure out how to do it....I mean, at one point I became so insistent on knowing how, I was on the floor and sobbing, and I literally raised my fist to the sky and DEMANDED to know my truth and how to get myself fixed up.

Heh, apparently that worked for me. Big drama queen move, I know, but it took that much umpfh from myself to get it known what I wanted, what I needed. Heh, there was a lot of shit in my ragged energy field to get through JUST to get that message across.

It took a couple of years, but I became a double Reiki master...however I'm not convinced that it would work now like it did 20 years ago. Energy has changed too much....but that was also helpful for me, because I was helping others.

To help others IS to help yourself........we are indeed One, and one in the same. At our most definitive measure, we are more alike than not. Realizing that to its fruition might be very helpful, too.

When I worked on myself, I knew it wasn't just for me. I knew it was for everyone. Every single one of us that works on cleaning our consciousness is doing the totality of Humanity a huge favor.

I also explored every single healing modality I could. I took myself to so many healers...heh, I've been told three times by these healers that they have never met anyone who wanted to clean themselves up more than me.

Really, you have got to want it...want it like your life depends on it....because it truly does.

You can NEVER give up on yourself when the going gets rough, heh, and it most likely will get very rough.... You have got to let that shit roll off your shoulders, and stand on it like a champ. Once you know of something that's amiss in your consciousness, then 9/10 of that particular "battle" is over...the 1/10 remainder is basically like sweeping up the floor and throwing the trash out.

Never, not even for a second give up on yourself.....because you know what? that moment you gave up, in the next following moment you very well could've had a succeeding moment, a big breakthrough. It's always darkest before the dawn, eh?

And I'll tell you what, from experience, the big breakthroughs are like something you can't imagine until you've lived one. It's just the best feeling ever to succeed...

Also, perhaps you and others don't have deep dark dootie kwap in your subconscious...I dunno that you do...but you do, lovey....all of us deep down, we know when we're not right.

Being brutally honest with yourself is of great importance on the journey to clean up the subconscious, because anything less is just deluding yourself. Aren't we all deluded enough while living in this reality, much less to do that to ourselves, too?

Try to ALWAYS be and act with impeccable integrity. This is also very important. I have before not acted with complete integrity, just a few times in my life, but that ended very badly for me. It ended very badly for me Friday night...but it's not just about dissin' your expanded self, it's also about dissin' just yourself, as a human being. Just a lack of integrity is so desisting....it makes one a fool.

Really, the most important thing I can say about it however is you have got to want it, and once the door opens for you to take the steps, you've got to keep at at it...never, ever give up on yourself.

I didn't know what steps to take, but I "listened" intently, and then acted as I felt I was instructed to.

I've been going by the seat of my pants my entire awakened life. I didn't read books to heal, I just followed my instincts, pulled up my boot straps, and kept right on going, fixing up this and fixing up that....never, ever once did I give up. In all the about 20 years it took to get myself cleaned up, I never gave up.

Once you start the journey, watch your dreams, and learn from them. If they don't show you what needs to get fixed up, then I'll be a monkey's uncle. They can be very important in finding what it is in your subconscious that needs work....and keep an open mind. Nothing worse than a closed mind.

We are none of us so fixed up that we are able to snub anyone else. I mean, once you know your own truth, you'll totally love Humanity...because we're towing a hard line to tow. Once you fully realize the levity of how we are now, you will more respect others. Once your subconscious has a shining light in it, you'll find you love and respect others more easily...and you'll also definitively be able to spot those without a soul. THAT is of tantamount importance these days. Just walk away from them, and never look back. They can only hurt you, if you let them.

And lastly, but not at the least, always express gratitude. It took me until about three to four years ago to express gratitude like I do now. Sisterella would always tell me to practice gratitude, but I didn't listen to her intently enough. I had to be flat on my back in a homeless shelter to "get it." I cannot tell you how much that changed everything about me and for me, learning the value of feeling and expressing gratitude.

I know it seems like there's not a whole lot to be grateful for in this shit hole reality, but there is...anyone of us can be a shining light of what gratitude is all about, eh?

Yikes, do you think I wrote enough? Do you think you've got enough to get at it?

And, for now, I'm always here if you need some guidance...if any of you do. I will always, always do the very best I am able to do to help anyone, especially if it is about cleaning up your consciousness.

I can indeed safely say I am old hat at it now. I have to a great extent cleaned my own up....heh, and I may very well answer any question with another question right back attcha....because truly, it is best for everyone to figure themselves out on their own.

But I am here for anyone....

I have straws.....

I'll give them a try if I need them....

Thank you, lovey....

I feel kinda bad that I haven't quoted every single of one and said thank you.

Youse guyses, please know that I am so very touched by the outpouring of love and kindness towards me.

I am indeed very GRATEFUL for all of y'all...truly very grateful.

I really do think you all holding me up is helping so very much, and I do love every single one of you...with all of my, erm, heart...but it's fixed up now, so that still applies and works....

I'm very happy to hear you are home and feeling fine.
That is such good news! My thoughts have been with you.

I have been coming into your energy shield to check on you and give you some of my own energy. Guilty. :)
I will always hold you up!

Take it easy for a few days. Please!

I'm really proud of you! You kick ass over your problems and remain so sweet and awesome all the time! It is a very courageous, strong, and special soul that can endure all you have and hold no hard feelings.
Forgiveness rules!

I just Thank God you are alright.

I love you sister.


Last Edited by Triteia on 03/03/2019 08:25 PM

I love you SOOOOOO much!!! You put so much into your answer - I am REALLY REALLY grateful!! I totally understand that it is not exactly a question that you can answer with 2 or 3 sentences. I suppose it's not too different from asking "What is the meaning of life?" Hah!

I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, but your answer also was a bit of confirmation that i've been on the right path for a while now - since 2010. I've got big time dootie kwap in my background too, but I didn't realize how deeply my "history" affected my entire existence until I got shingles and started therapy/meditation/connecting back with nature. Once I truly understood WHY I was the way I was, there was no turning back. I liken it to peeling an onion. I kept pulling off layers of 'me", but there was always still more underneath. Fortunately, I think the remaining uncovered part is getting pretty darn small!

Yes, it is really, really, really hard work, so you do have to be committed and, in a way, the experience seemed to shrink my world because I found it was harder to relate to others sometimes. But I wouldn't change the "knowing" that I know, for anything.

Thanks again. And thanks for always finding my weirdness entertaining!

Don't worry about it and God bless you

Don't worry about anything