I had a very good night's sleep last night. I needed that a lot....


There is something I don't think any of youse guyses understand....physically I feel PERFECTLY fine! Mentally, I feel PERFECTLY fine! My emotions are challenged - harhar, but that's normal for me - yet if I didn't know I had of had an heart attack and a stent put in, then I right now would think not a single thing had happened.

I got up this morning, made my coffee, used the restroom, made my bed, and I was thinking, 'Heck, I should call my boss and tell her I DO want to work this week'....I feel that good. Seriously. I'm not joking around about this, or trying to make myself just look good.

Heh, I don't think she'd let me work this week, even if I begged her. The rest will do me good, and I can get some chores done around my apartment that I've been putting off. I'm going to hire someone to help me, but that's because of my back, not because I just had an heart attack.

Ya know, I think I'm a kind of blessed weirdo (read Wanderer) in that I have had a multitude of problems in my life....my god, I was born arse first after a long and hard labor, I was molested as a child, was MILABed as a child, I've been raped twice, I've had the shit kicked outta me by Danny - my coccyx was broken, and I now have kwappy lumbar issues...supposed to get L4 and L5 fused sometime in the future - I had nine small bowel obstructions last year from intususception, problems with my "toy box" due to some kind of systemic inflammation issue I'm still working on with a new Internist doc, and now I've had a freaking heart attack. When I list it like that, it is an awful lot to deal with in one lifetime.

And you know what?...I just keep picking up the pieces of my shattered life, mending them up, and moving forward in better shape than I was in before mending.

I harbor no ill feelings towards anyone or anything due to anything I've listed...well, save for myself at times when I've acted a fool, like Friday night.

Jeebus fracking crust...I can't even tell you the deep depth of stupid I feel right now.

Many of youse guyses have asked if I had any types of symptoms, but I had nothing that indicated I had a 100% clogged artery. No chest pains, at all.

Due to the many small bowel obstructions and my toy box not being happy, I have spent a lot of time with doctors the last 1.5 years. They have nearly every single time listened to my heart and my breathing. Heck-fire, my first appointment with the Internist, he listened to my heart and my neck at the carotid artery like a blind bat.

Wouldn't you think someone would've noticed something was amiss, like a 100% clogged artery?....

And some of youse guyses are telling me you have symptoms, and haven't gone to the doctor....

Suck it up, buttercup, and GO TO THE DOCTOR!!....


Do I even wonder for a second whether or not the prayers said for me are to no end?....heh, not even.

My spirit is strong, like a freaking powerhouse, but youse guyses have easily entered my spirit, and held it up with all of your kindness and love. I am indeed acutely aware of my energy field, and I have felt some of you enter it at times. You are welcomed.

The one thing I'm having to mull over is whether or not to give the statins a try....just for a few months, so I can get the levels down, while I'm getting my diet all fixed up to perfect, and get back on a walking and light exercise regimen. If/when I start taking them and I start feeling anything weird, I will stop them. I am not so down with big pharma that I will ignore my body's response, and keep taking it anyway.

I seriously don't want to have another problem...and because I was so out of it when I arrived to the ER and things moved so very, very fast - whoa nelly, you have no idea the speed they went at to get me in the cath lab - I didn't catch that my other arteries are narrowed. No clogs, not even a bit, but still they are on their way. The ICU doc told me that during my discharge exam.

I mean, it's not like I eat horribly, I'm about 50% all organic at this point, and I really don't eat much fast food. It's such a waste of money because it tastes like crap AND looks like crap.

Never, ever have I gotten a food item from a fast food place that looked as appealing as it did in the pictures/commercials. I have in the past wanted to take back what I had purchased, ask how they think it even looks anywhere close to the big picture on the glass right on their building, and then to throw it in their face. That false advertising greatly pisses me off.

So no, I don't eat a lot of junk food. I lost thirty pounds last year due to obstructions, and put only 10 back on.

Oh, and Chasity asked what I had to eat the day of my heart attack.....roasted organic chicken thigh, mashed potato, gravy, and sauteed cabbage, all made at home by myself.

I was a chef for numerous years when I was younger. I do know how to cook, and how to cook wisely for myself.

Do I sometimes go off the rails?...yeah, I have a loud and proud sweet tooth....but now, these days, anything store bought only tastes like waaay too over the top sweet, and not like it has a drop of chocolate in it. That shit pisses me off, too. Mostly now I just eat a palm full of dark chocolate morsels, and my sweet tooth is sated.

While my diet hasn't been stellar, it hasn't been horrible either...so I dunno. It's more and more seeming like smoking is mostly the culprit....uhg, and I'm not going to lie to y'all, I have smoked one-half of a cig since I've been home. That however shocking to most of you might be, that I'd do something like that after having an heart attack, is really not that bad. That nicotine gum tastes nasty....and the cravings aren't that bad because I'm saying the afformation, "Why am I now smoke free?"

American Indian Elder, I'm going to be ordering the Blackjack gum. Thank you so very much for the suggestion!

I am going to be stopping smoking, but it's going to have to be on my terms. Youse guyses, all the docs in the world can try to make me feel bad about smoking, harhar, but I'm a stubborn old cuss. That will roll right off my shoulders. It's something I'm going to have to do for myself, by myself.

I KNOW I need to quit. I WILL be quitting. I'm going to take an occasional half a smoke in upon occasion until I get there. The worst of my heart issues is over now, fixed up. Period. I am going to be fine.

I get a big ole green light from expanded self that the Blackjack gum is what will do the trick for me, so THANK YOU, American Indian Elder!....


Imma gonna right now make some raisin bran muffins, and they're my favorite muffins....