What's the most badass thing you've ever done?

Not so much bad ass, but traumatic:

I was in a pig pen and a massive pig attacked me. Knocked me right on my back and was on top of me. Had a mouthful of my coveralls and was rag dolling me. I tried punching as hard as I could. Nothing. I drove my thumbs into its eyes. Nothing. I tried to choke it. Nothing. I scrambled to find a rock to club it. Nothing. I beat its head as hard as I could with my fists and it had zero effect. I am 6’ tall and fairly strong. I lift logs and weights and heavy parts regularly. I am no weakling or slouch. Yet I couldn’t budge this fucking pig off me. He was shaking me so hard I started to black out and I knew it. I started getting tunnel vision and my field of view was pinholes. I was going down and this pig was going to eat me. My only thought was that it was going to eat my wife who would eventually come to the pen to look for me.
I blacked out for probably a few seconds until the pig whipped around and attacked another pig that came over to see what all the noise was about.
I literally crawled out of that pen and my legs didn’t work for a while.
I slept in the mud for an hour until my wife came by and called me lazy slob for laying in the mud. She had no idea.
The bad pig was now calm and even wiggled its tail for her.
I don’t know what the heck got into that pig, but for a few minutes it was a demon.

I stretched out on a row of seats at the 72 Democrat Convention waiting for McGovern to speak at 3am. After 40 winks I woke to see Jack Nicholson and his babe staring at my boner. You know his smile with raised eyebrows? Funny night. I'm cured of that now. Grew up, woke up, and voted for Trump.

I DID CUNNILINGUS ON MY 400LB NEIGHBOR

Not so much bad ass, but traumatic:

I was in a pig pen and a massive pig attacked me. Knocked me right on my back and was on top of me. Had a mouthful of my coveralls and was rag dolling me. I tried punching as hard as I could. Nothing. I drove my thumbs into its eyes. Nothing. I tried to choke it. Nothing. I scrambled to find a rock to club it. Nothing. I beat its head as hard as I could with my fists and it had zero effect. I am 6’ tall and fairly strong. I lift logs and weights and heavy parts regularly. I am no weakling or slouch. Yet I couldn’t budge this fucking pig off me. He was shaking me so hard I started to black out and I knew it. I started getting tunnel vision and my field of view was pinholes. I was going down and this pig was going to eat me. My only thought was that it was going to eat my wife who would eventually come to the pen to look for me.
I blacked out for probably a few seconds until the pig whipped around and attacked another pig that came over to see what all the noise was about.
I literally crawled out of that pen and my legs didn’t work for a while.
I slept in the mud for an hour until my wife came by and called me lazy slob for laying in the mud. She had no idea.
The bad pig was now calm and even wiggled its tail for her.
I don’t know what the heck got into that pig, but for a few minutes it was a demon.

When I was 15 we used to go to our high school about a mile away and ride our bikes around the parking lot. My step brother was near the middle school and this green chevette pulled over to the side walk huge guy got out and popped the hatch and was listening to music.i rode by and he said come here so I rode over and he locked his knees on front tire and said give me ur bike. I said no twice and he reached in and pulled .38 and parked it right between my eyes.. I looked up and the cylinder were empty. He said now give me your bike!! I waited a sec and said go ahead and shoot, you got 4 empty cylinders go ahead n shoot. He said what'd you say, I said u got four empty cylinder, odds are the other two are empty, shoot me. He said you smart lil fucker get outta here. I rode like hell got my brother and left. Kinda badass kinda stupid. Nowadays I'd jus give up the bike

That pig got tired of your porking him.

Ya I was waiting for someone to crack a joke like that.
Good job, I can respect a good but decent insult.

That pig got tired of your porking him.

Grow my own garden.


Created a family, raise them as conservatives and go to church on Sunday.

this ^

AND YOU WILL PAY A 1000 FOLD FOR EVERY SINGLE MAN OR WOMAN YOU LEAD ASTRAY. ISLAM WAS WRITTEN BY NO OTHER THAN SATAN HIMSELF. why didn't you do your homework! and you can quote me on this, my name is chip griffin. at least now you now, so what you do from here will be 2000 fold. think hard and long before you say that book is of the truth, it is not, it is a book of lies!!!

I DID CUNNILINGUS ON MY 400LB NEIGHBOR

You’re my heroine!


My younger sister used to knock out all my haters... I was very shy!

fucked both my mother-in-law & sister-in-law!