You want something external to happen to satisfy some sort of perceived infraction upon your life, which is ultimately a delusion of grandeur and a minor case of meglomania when you look at the grand scheme of things.

If this person does (a) then I will feel (b) and thus accomplish (c).

Yet there is a variable here that can not be named and or changed despite how much you try. You have to ask yourself at that point..what am I doing? You are choosing to stay a victim, rather than empower yourself and move forward. Grudges do just that. They keep you stuck in a perpetual cycle of victimhood.

Goodluck I guess...