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Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?

 
Had it
User ID: 76432271
United States
05/26/2019 09:03 PM
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Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
My father has been physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive to me when I was a kid living at home. He was the same way to my mother.

Now he’d dare not lay a hand on me, but the emotional and verbal abuse has continued.

Today he screamed at my son, his grandson, for a perceived slight. My son apologized several times but my dad refused to accept the apology.

My mother passed a few months ago due to cancer, and my father was incredibly cruel to her to pretty much the last day as she lay on her death bed.

Today though, when he was screaming at my son and I intervened, he started in on me.

That’s the last straw. I’m nearly 50 and he’s in his early 70’s.

I’m genuinely done. It sucks, but he’s not going to change and I’m tired of fixing things for him. He’s never apologized for anything he’s done, ever.

Anyone else on GLP have to go through something like this?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77674829
Ireland
05/26/2019 09:06 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
Sum Ting Wong

User ID: 77448876
United States
05/26/2019 09:08 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Eerily similar thread to one I read a couple days ago. Down to the "Anyone ever go through this?"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 55611245
United States
05/26/2019 09:08 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Is there such a thing? Do you expect your parent to outlive you?

There will come a time when you have to care for them as they exit this world.

If you have nothing to inherit from your parent, then you don't have to worry. You're crying and complaining about having to care for a parent is your shame.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 67653786
United States
05/26/2019 09:10 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


GET LOST.
understand outright physical and verbal abuse ?
yeah,it's been understood that she/mother was a mental case BUT was specific where she directed IT.
think we were disrespectful,negligent whatever ?
get lost.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77227614
United States
05/26/2019 09:12 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Sounds like you need to give him an ultimatum. Either lighten up, or he doesn't see you or his grand kids.

I had to do this once with my father. He apologized and has been great since. Once you put those boundaries in place, it's up to him to make the decision. So don't feel guilty. You need to think about what you want your kids to see as an example.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77677085
Brazil
05/26/2019 09:15 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Don t feel bad for it. Some parents are assholes.
MostlySunshine

User ID: 77422134
United States
05/26/2019 09:19 PM

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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
I would cut my mother out but then I wouldn't be able to see my father or grandma.

She once threw a tire iron at my dads back. Now she claims it never happened.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone...ain't no borderline psychotic emotional outbursts either.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77674829
Ireland
05/26/2019 09:22 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


GET LOST.
understand outright physical and verbal abuse ?
yeah,it's been understood that she/mother was a mental case BUT was specific where she directed IT.
think we were disrespectful,negligent whatever ?
get lost.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 67653786


You feel that sorry for yourself. Make it all about you. I love my parents dearly. Warts n all. They love me dearly warts n all. Look at poor Dace today. You selfish cunt. I don't give a fuck about you but if you don't face reality and appreciate how you came into this world and under what circumstances you were brought up, you deserve everything you bring on yourself. Grow up. Don't leave it too late. Every regret will be yours and yours alone.
FeedYourHead

User ID: 77416429
United States
05/26/2019 09:23 PM

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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
My father has been physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive to me when I was a kid living at home. He was the same way to my mother.

Now he’d dare not lay a hand on me, but the emotional and verbal abuse has continued.

Today he screamed at my son, his grandson, for a perceived slight. My son apologized several times but my dad refused to accept the apology.

My mother passed a few months ago due to cancer, and my father was incredibly cruel to her to pretty much the last day as she lay on her death bed.

Today though, when he was screaming at my son and I intervened, he started in on me.

That’s the last straw. I’m nearly 50 and he’s in his early 70’s.

I’m genuinely done. It sucks, but he’s not going to change and I’m tired of fixing things for him. He’s never apologized for anything he’s done, ever.

Anyone else on GLP have to go through something like this?
 Quoting: Had it 76432271


Yep...best thing you can ever do for yourself...
Ask Alice when she's 10ft tall
Deplorably Charlotte
EAS-TARD

User ID: 76600178
United States
05/26/2019 09:26 PM

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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
I invited my friend and her 18 yr old daughter over for dinner tonight, my friend doesn't have money and I wanted to cook them a meal.

Her daughter berated me for using plastic because "muh earth" I challenged her beliefs. After a half hour of "discussion" I was a racist piece of shit who hates the earth and muslims. I also have no idea what I'm talking about because I do my research on the internet and don't watch television or use social media.

Hates her own country.

She stomped out.

Im fucking done trying to challenge people to think for themselves. Done being the nice person, the thoughtful one.

Bottom line is this in 2019:

Toxic PEOPLE. Parent/child. All generations. Most of them brainwashed.

Last Edited by Deplorably Charlotte on 05/26/2019 09:29 PM
B. Franklin:
"A republic, if you can keep it."

"at least be a 7 if you're going to demand shit"- anonymous coward
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 70847822
United States
05/26/2019 09:28 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Tried once in a public spectacle but it came back just like the herpes. It is best just to leave it on the down low. No stress and just pull the ripcord at any point.
Anonymous
User ID: 77382546
United States
05/26/2019 09:31 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Yes, and your father won't ever change. If you can help without it being detrimental to you and your son, fine; if its not possible, protect your son and yourself.

You and your son are most important.

Take it from my experience, he'll never change. Don't waste your life.
Anonymous Cowlick

User ID: 57473568
United States
05/26/2019 09:38 PM

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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
We had a lot of problems, but everything changed after I grew up. They always treated me with respect after I moved out and became independent. I left the past in the past and they did too. I think they never really expected me to amount to anything, and they were shocked when I went out into the world and became successful.
nutmeg

User ID: 76388104
United States
05/26/2019 09:43 PM

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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
I never had the problem, but don't feel guilty if you have to cut him out of your life. It sounds like you've been a great kid. It's time to live YOUR life without the aggrevation. You deserve it. The stress will kill you, and he'll still be alive. Life is short. Time to be happy.

Last Edited by nutmeg on 05/26/2019 09:53 PM
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 76432271
United States
05/26/2019 09:44 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Thanks all. I don’t provide assistance or ‘care’ for him. He’s up and about on his own. He’s not bed-ridden or anything like that.

He’s just - abusive. He’s been that way to me and mom since I was a little kid.

Today was it.

It’s killing me because I still love him, but he’s crossed the line the final time.

And to the person who said he’d never change; you’re 100% correct. He never has and never will. If it was hurting me and/or mom physically or emotionally... *sigh* it’s just, he’s not going to change.

I’m done.
Zoink
Odious Tumulus

User ID: 12343871
United States
05/26/2019 09:45 PM

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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Yes. And Dad, if you're reading this, fuck
Ash Nazg Durbatulûk, Ash Nazg Gimbatul, Ash Nazg Thrakatulûk, Agh Burzum-ishi Krimpatul
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77510098
United States
05/26/2019 09:47 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


What??. Lol... Such Boomer horse shit.. every generation has had it worse economically than the last since the 60s.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 75054451
United States
05/26/2019 09:47 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


clappa
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 73613959
United States
05/26/2019 09:47 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
You are a grown woman. I don’t understand why it took you so long, but better late than never, for the sake of your kid. Walk.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 52532524
Australia
05/26/2019 09:47 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Yes, and thankfully I didn't wait until your age, but I was in my late thirties.

Far happier.
grover
User ID: 76326459
United States
05/26/2019 09:47 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
My parents were my parents and did the best they knew how to with the information they had. On many levels my mother was a slut and a total bitch. Hence my father worked 20 hour days seven days a week. However , if we wandered over to where he worked it stopped doing What Ever he was doing and often took a break and took us kids out for ice cream or a soda. (smile) I tended to not be at home alot as a kid. And my mother did not mind. Unfortunately a few times i had to go home to get something and more times than i want to admit i walked in on her doing the nasty with different men. Not my father who was her husband.
Later in life when my father passed away she was suddenly alone. Very Alone. My brothers wanted nothing to do with her. And were planning to put her in a nursing home. NONE
of her former sex partners showed up to take her in. I felt that it was my last chance to get to know her. So took her
in for a dozen years. I did get to know her and how/why she
was the way she was. She never smiled or laughed during that time when she was with me though would if a single older man talked with her. Still over the years i stopped hating her. And felt a degree of pity for her and the tormented life she lead.
nutmeg

User ID: 76388104
United States
05/26/2019 09:48 PM

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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
We had a lot of problems, but everything changed after I grew up. They always treated me with respect after I moved out and became independent. I left the past in the past and they did too. I think they never really expected me to amount to anything, and they were shocked when I went out into the world and became successful.
 Quoting: Anonymous Cowlick


I never saw the movie "Walk The Line" until two days ago. Based on the life of Johnny Cash. His dad was a horrible father! Horrible! He practically blamed the death of John's brother on John when they both were very young. I don't know how a person lives with that.

John's father was verbally abusive throughout his childhood and adulthood...even when he became successful. John could never please him no matter how he tried. It was so sad, but a great movie! Joaquin Phoenix was fabulous as Johnny Cash. Reese Witherspoon was wonderful as June Carter. I loved the music!

Last Edited by nutmeg on 05/26/2019 09:56 PM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 71197126
Australia
05/26/2019 09:49 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Use a hatchet, it works wonders.

thumbs



[link to youtu.be (secure)]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77674829
Ireland
05/26/2019 09:58 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


What??. Lol... Such Boomer horse shit.. every generation has had it worse economically than they last since the 60s.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77510098


Boomer. Economics. Get the fucking boat. They tried their best for us no matter what obstacles they crossed.
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


clappa
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 75054451


Make the most of them while you have them smile_kiss
nutmeg

User ID: 76388104
United States
05/26/2019 10:00 PM

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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


What??. Lol... Such Boomer horse shit.. every generation has had it worse economically than they last since the 60s.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77510098


Boomer. Economics. Get the fucking boat. They tried their best for us no matter what obstacles they crossed.
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


clappa
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 75054451


Make the most of them while you have them smile_kiss
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


Same should go for the parents. They chose to have the children. Make the most of them while you have them. Tomorrow is never promised.

Last Edited by nutmeg on 05/26/2019 10:01 PM
Miss Bunny Swan

User ID: 77633712
Australia
05/26/2019 10:00 PM

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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Don t feel bad for it. Some parents are assholes.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77677085


This ^^
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 45653114
United States
05/26/2019 10:04 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


your a fool.

NO life story EVER excuses abuse
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77051048
United States
05/26/2019 10:05 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Yes, I have. Whole family. Mother, sister, father. It took me 40 years. I have never felt better. It was bad. Its hard to explain to someone who has not gone through it. I will say that I will not let them be alone in their last year's. I will take care of them because I do not like to see anyone die alone. I do love them, from afar is how it will have to be for now.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77674829
Ireland
05/26/2019 10:55 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
No. Every generation has it easier than the last. If you don't understand your parents and why they are the way they are, you don't appreciate or deserve them.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77674829


your a fool.

NO life story EVER excuses abuse
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 45653114


I wrote shit in response and deleted it. You choose your self pity and ride it like a flea on a scalp. That's your style.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77679247
United States
05/26/2019 10:58 PM
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Re: Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?
Give him a nice punch to the gut, cut your losses, and move on.