Anyone else had to cut a toxic parent out of their life?

Toxic is toxic, mother, father, brother, sister, friend....for me it was my older sister (and as usual everyone thinks she is perfect, except close family) I shut that shit down years ago. after a few years thought I'd give it another try and leopard don't change it's spots. Now days I will speak if I have something to say, but daily contact...NOPE...don't need toxic. The important part is to make sure for your own peace, forgive them, keep your distance but honestly put it behind you and forgive

About to cut two more, too

You should record or film secretly their behaviour and rants, then you have evidence, the moment they start threaten them if they don't stop, spread the shit.

I cut out my toxic family, my mothed, and my step daughter. Life is so much better without them it's amazing. I don't owe you shit if you're just going to be a cunt 24/7.

Yes. Both of my parents were abusive and now I'm in an abusive marriage, recently coming to terms and trying to figure how to get out. You are not alone. Everyone seems to have gone nuts, abuse, confusion, disorder is now the norm. It'll be a great money-maker to be in the mental illness industry these days.

I tried but my dad became the TERMINATOR.

You will be better off. Haven’t spoken to my prick old man in 10 years.

Obviously you've never had an abusive parent so you can't relate. Even understanding the why they are abusive does not alleviate the problem because the problem IS the abusive parent.

The only way for family members to survive is to cut the cord. A difficult decision but when your own sanity is at stake - when an abusive parent cuts you mentally into thousands of pieces - then cutting the cord is mandatory to save yourself.

Caring for an abusive parent is saving your own life from complete mental/emotional destruction. A tornado of abusive cruelty eventually kills your own spirit.

Caring for a loving parent is a horse of a totally different color.

I cut them all out. Father was physically & emotionally abusive, cops I called ignored the bruises & believed his story that I fell so ran away. Years later he tracked me down-cops were as helpful as always when I reported harassment & even showed a note he left saying he was going to take my cats. I had to get myself to the point where I was willing & able to beat him to beat him the next time he showed up at my work or home, & I told him this & also that all those years of abuse might come out & I did not know if I would be able to stop-I might kill him. I had to mean it, & I did. I had to tell him twice when he called me before he left me alone for good.

I am extremely nonviolent, passive, & submissive to a fault. I save paper tp/towel tubes to move bugs outside & will not support factory farmed food. Now I even have learned helplessness from getting into one bad relationship into a worse one (I am safe now.) Looking back I see the seeds of my current learned helplessness where planted when my father attacked me I learned not to leave any marks on my abuser or the cops might arrest me (I scratched my father when he attacked me & the cops asked him if he wanted me arrested!)

He died completely alone-the 2 daughters from a previous marriage wrote him off, & I was told his other relatives cut him out when he kidnapped me when I was 2. GET AWAY FROM THAT PSYCHO BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. Make a note of every failed attempt to ask police for protection. Let him know call is recorded when you tell him to leave you alone (& record it-there are awesome free apps.) Tell him because of his established propensity for violence if he goes against your wishes & shows up where you live/work you are going to assume he is there to hurt you & defend yourself accordingly. Buy a gun, & be prepared to use it. It's a shame you have feelings for him, ice cream & Happy meals stopped buying my love when the alcoholic got custody of me when I was 11 & started really beating me. My mother was mainly just a selfish c*nt, till she killed my cat-cut her out of my life after that.

And they never should have had children. It cramps their life so they take it out on the children.

My Mother..Twenty year's ago..She passed away two year's ago..She was as cold as ice and never once told me or any of my sister's she loved us...not once..Never went to her funeral..The beatings i took from my step-father under her orders will never leave me..Now i have four beautiful grown up children who i adore.

You're full of crap. If you had a happy childhood, thank your lucky stars. There are plenty of children who were taken from their homes because their parents abused them either sexually, physically, or verbally because one or both parents are assholes.

Until you've lived through parental abuse, you can not tell someone to honor their parents when no honor is deserved.

Excellent advice.

This post isn't about economics, it's about parental abuse.

A perfect example of a parent's torment taken out on her children.

Can you dig into his family history to try to understand why he is so mean, angry and controlling? Is there abuse in his past? An illness or head injury?
Your mother had her reasons for marrying him, hopefully love.
With a very difficult relative, what brought me peace was a message that floated into my brain during a sleepless night. “ The purpose of your life is not to judge her/ him” .
If you can not love then just respect the role he played in bringing your life into the world, then let the rest go.

I would do so from a distance.
No more need for you to experience abuse and for sure:
Protect your child from his damage

You are right.

Everyone deserves forgiveness. No matter what.

I agree with you.

It’s ok to cut ties from anyone toxic, especially if they’ve been that way forever.

One exception I learned....my step dad became a real asshole, he used to be a great guy with a positive attitude, then gradually was so mean and pessimistic and opinionated to the point where you couldn’t listen, or you would be so down - about everything. Well turned out he had cancer and that was taking a huge toll on his mental state. So we made amends. But even now, if he gets to that pessimistic state and is trying to influence me or my kid to look at the world like its shit, we dont hang around. We don’t need butterflies and rianbows, and we can sympathize at times for the pain, and try to help him, but not to the point of hearing all his opinions and then feeling like shit. Still trying to figure out boundaries but its getting better.

There is no reason why OP has to completely cut herself off from her father.

What the OP needs to do is learn how to stand up for herself, instead of just ghosting people.


The OP is not thinking about her father.


She's only thinking about herself. And her own interests.


She is being selfish and self-centered.

All predicated on your own opinion, which in turn is selfish and self centered.

She should be thinking about her own interests and the interests of her child.

Sometimes leaving is a lot better then gearing up for an unnecessary battle.

Question for you guys -

Do you think ghosting people is morally ok?

"Ghosting", as in... completely cutting off all forms of contact with someone, without notice, an without giving them a reason... or anything else.


Like... just completely disappearing from someone's life... forever.... and ignoring all attempts of the other person's contact.

Wikipedia definition - [link to en.wikipedia.org (secure)]

cut out my whole biological family. all 10 of them.

last saw most of my biological family in 1993. saw 2 of my biological brothers back in 2005 along with my biological mother.

my biological father i saw for last time in 2007.

don't miss any of them.

so last time i saw 10 biological family members was 12 years ago

family limits your development

He’s a malignant narcissist. Definite personality disorder. Teach your son about this and protect him from your dad. And of course protect yourself.

She's acting like a child.

She's treating her father like someone who deserves NO love, compassion, kindness, and respect.

She is not being empathetic by doing so.

A strong and compassionate person would not cut someone off who loves them.

Only a weak person would.

Generally, no one owes you shit. Not even an explanation

If you are responsible for someone, a child for example, or if you’re in a contract, like a marriage, or a buisness arangement, and you run off without an explanation, then no it’s not ok, and there are consequences.

I’ve been ghosted, and it hurts. All those who ghosted me tried to come back. I don’t ever talk to them again. You reep what you sow.