Ok folks.

I would like (read: absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, lol) to get your opinion on something.
This is something... I have been searching for the answer for years and years, and, I’m at a loss... Trust me, seriously, OP, etc... I hope you can help me.

And, I have posted this before on GLP, made a thread about it as an AC, a long time ago (before I had found “a” diagnose), and, truth be told, I had a lot of troll comments as well. I started not giving too many sh*ts about that thread anymore. I hope you can forgive me for posting it here, but yeah, it’s of course, mainly because of the OP, but, also, truth be told, I think people will generally be nicer here, no troll comments (or an absolute bare minimum)...

I have had this my entire life, I’m very certain of that.
I have been misdiagnosed quite a few times, until, like, maybe, almost a year ago, a psychiatrist, after giving him a lot of information, said that he realizes what I have. (However...?)

The thing is, it started to get a lot worse not so long after leaving school. I didn’t finish my school, well, because of 3 reasons, and one of the reasons is because of my absolutely horrendous memory. I started not remembering, virtually anything... due to what I am born with..

So, first off, I went to see a naturopath. And, he tested so many things...
I was hooked up to a computer running a program.
He tested my meridians, acupuncture points, all known diseases, fungus, also, my psyche, you name it. Like, so many things.

He said, that, phsyically, I’m 100% fine.

But, that, I suffer from a clinial depression. He also said that nothing would help, beside one thing. Neurofeedback. So, I contacted NeuroMind here in Antwerp, Belgium, but they said that they couldn’t help me.

And, let me tell you, I have been in the psychiatry well over a dozen times... that never did anything for me.

So, about a year ago, I went to see the psychiatrist again, but now, with a lot more information than he previously was aware of...

And he said “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was this bad.”
Then he said: “You have the Syndrome of Cotard.”
Which, is basically, a (extremely?) rare very severe chronic depression. I am born with it... And, he suspects, that, because of my mother’s condition, that it’s kinda coming from that.

So, he gave me Lithium. I took it for months and months, didn’t help one bit.
Then (which I still take to this day...) he gave me Venlafaxine and Aripiprazole (I think that’s how you write it).
Didn’t notice one thing again for a very long time. But then, after many, many weeks, I did start feeling better (I’ll tell you what symptoms I suffer from in a second.) Truth be told, yes, when I was very little, I probably felt the best. And, ever since a couple of months now... yeah, I do feel, for the majority of the time, rather (more than...) decent.

However...

You see, let me tell you now what I suffer(ed) from.
Totally, friggin’ empty. No life inside of me.
Zero motivation/will in my upper body.
Everything (even very simple things) take so much effort. Even making coffee, I have to force myself...
My upper arms, and shoulders, sigh... like there’s no “power” in my muscles.

I felt absolutely dead in my body. Totally, dead.

So, now, I feel better, yes, but, still, this will/motivation, good grief... moving my arms, like, for instance, to produce music on my laptop... I, basically, like (almost) can’t. I get frustrated doing it.

But, you see, there’s one big symptom that I suffer from, still, which hasn’t changed, which is absolutely pissin’ me off... and, make no mistake about it, this, yeah, this one I have had since birth.

It’s like almost the sole reason for me writing this post.

And that is... My brain... like it’s completely dead.
Almost as if, that, the source... that which powers the brain, that there is something seriously wrong with it. A major malfucntion. I can’t, like, no way, I can’t use my brain.

The psychiatrist said that my perception of my brain, that it’s not working properly (I forgot how he phrased it, but that’s what it comes down to.)

Look, I have no memory, like, zero, zilch, nada...sigh, it’s absolutely everything.

And yes, I know, I can write these phrases, and, it doesn’t appear to be too bad.

But, I can’t like learn anything new, I’m extremely limited in everything I do.
My major passion/hobby is producing music on my laptop, and, that is a major friggin’ disaster, the way I work... I have produced music for well over 12 years, and, it’s still extremely difficult, (also due to this very difficulty for me to move my arms... that one frustrates me so much...)

So, you see, my brain (read: the perception of it?) (like there is absolutely NOTHING there), it hasn’t improved one bit.

I have taken so many supplements, I went to see psychics.. I have a boatload of stones... did holistic therapy, Reiki, I have done so many things (not just for my brain), and, none of those things help.

So, this latest medication that he gave me, yes, “it appears,” it works, to some extent... But, I still have so many issues.

So, I wonder... What in the friggin’ world is this. (And, please folks, don’t be fooled by how I write English.)

And, I have posted my music on this forum before... Truth be told, if you would hear it... yeah, you can’t really hear that all that music is produced with extreme difficulties.

I am in DIRE need of help, I’m not kidding.

And I truly apologize for posting this here folks, but, yeah, I can’t for the life of me start another thread about it. I realize what crap I’m going to receive etc... and other things.

Thank you.

(And don't you worry about the definitions regarding this Syndrome that you find online... like for instance, that people with this Syndrome think they are dead etc... I don't have that...)

Ok folks.

I would like (read: absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, lol) to get your opinion on something.
This is something... I have been searching for the answer for years and years, and, I’m at a loss... Trust me, seriously, OP, etc... I hope you can help me.

And, I have posted this before on GLP, made a thread about it as an AC, a long time ago (before I had found “a” diagnose), and, truth be told, I had a lot of troll comments as well. I started not giving too many sh*ts about that thread anymore. I hope you can forgive me for posting it here, but yeah, it’s of course, mainly because of the OP, but, also, truth be told, I think people will generally be nicer here, no troll comments (or an absolute bare minimum)...

I have had this my entire life, I’m very certain of that.
I have been misdiagnosed quite a few times, until, like, maybe, almost a year ago, a psychiatrist, after giving him a lot of information, said that he realizes what I have. (However...?)

The thing is, it started to get a lot worse not so long after leaving school. I didn’t finish my school, well, because of 3 reasons, and one of the reasons is because of my absolutely horrendous memory. I started not remembering, virtually anything... due to what I am born with..

So, first off, I went to see a naturopath. And, he tested so many things...
I was hooked up to a computer running a program.
He tested my meridians, acupuncture points, all known diseases, fungus, also, my psyche, you name it. Like, so many things.

He said, that, phsyically, I’m 100% fine.

But, that, I suffer from a clinial depression. He also said that nothing would help, beside one thing. Neurofeedback. So, I contacted NeuroMind here in Antwerp, Belgium, but they said that they couldn’t help me.

And, let me tell you, I have been in the psychiatry well over a dozen times... that never did anything for me.

So, about a year ago, I went to see the psychiatrist again, but now, with a lot more information than he previously was aware of...

And he said “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was this bad.”
Then he said: “You have the Syndrome of Cotard.”
Which, is basically, a (extremely?) rare very severe chronic depression. I am born with it... And, he suspects, that, because of my mother’s condition, that it’s kinda coming from that.

So, he gave me Lithium. I took it for months and months, didn’t help one bit.
Then (which I still take to this day...) he gave me Venlafaxine and Aripiprazole (I think that’s how you write it).
Didn’t notice one thing again for a very long time. But then, after many, many weeks, I did start feeling better (I’ll tell you what symptoms I suffer from in a second.) Truth be told, yes, when I was very little, I probably felt the best. And, ever since a couple of months now... yeah, I do feel, for the majority of the time, rather (more than...) decent.

However...

You see, let me tell you now what I suffer(ed) from.
Totally, friggin’ empty. No life inside of me.
Zero motivation/will in my upper body.
Everything (even very simple things) take so much effort. Even making coffee, I have to force myself...
My upper arms, and shoulders, sigh... like there’s no “power” in my muscles.

I felt absolutely dead in my body. Totally, dead.

So, now, I feel better, yes, but, still, this will/motivation, good grief... moving my arms, like, for instance, to produce music on my laptop... I, basically, like (almost) can’t. I get frustrated doing it.

But, you see, there’s one big symptom that I suffer from, still, which hasn’t changed, which is absolutely pissin’ me off... and, make no mistake about it, this, yeah, this one I have had since birth.

It’s like almost the sole reason for me writing this post.

And that is... My brain... like it’s completely dead.
Almost as if, that, the source... that which powers the brain, that there is something seriously wrong with it. A major malfucntion. I can’t, like, no way, I can’t use my brain.

The psychiatrist said that my perception of my brain, that it’s not working properly (I forgot how he phrased it, but that’s what it comes down to.)

Look, I have no memory, like, zero, zilch, nada...sigh, it’s absolutely everything.

And yes, I know, I can write these phrases, and, it doesn’t appear to be too bad.

But, I can’t like learn anything new, I’m extremely limited in everything I do.
My major passion/hobby is producing music on my laptop, and, that is a major friggin’ disaster, the way I work... I have produced music for well over 12 years, and, it’s still extremely difficult, (also due to this very difficulty for me to move my arms... that one frustrates me so much...)

So, you see, my brain (read: the perception of it?) (like there is absolutely NOTHING there), it hasn’t improved one bit.

I have taken so many supplements, I went to see psychics.. I have a boatload of stones... did holistic therapy, Reiki, I have done so many things (not just for my brain), and, none of those things help.

So, this latest medication that he gave me, yes, “it appears,” it works, to some extent... But, I still have so many issues.

So, I wonder... What in the friggin’ world is this. (And, please folks, don’t be fooled by how I write English.)

And, I have posted my music on this forum before... Truth be told, if you would hear it... yeah, you can’t really hear that all that music is produced with extreme difficulties.

I am in DIRE need of help, I’m not kidding.

And I truly apologize for posting this here folks, but, yeah, I can’t for the life of me start another thread about it. I realize what crap I’m going to receive etc... and other things.

Thank you.

(And don't you worry about the definitions regarding this Syndrome that you find online... like for instance, that people with this Syndrome think they are dead etc... I don't have that...)