As to the question of my husband's death, I posted this above:

BTW, earlier, someone asked if my husband was murdered or a suicide. They found an old thread from 2016 where I said he was murdered (and it happened in 2016). He was a suicide, but for some reason, in those early days, I was out of my mind with grief and I didn't want anyone to know that my own huband put a bullet in his head, so in my twisted, unnerved world, "murder" seemed like an easier way to explain why I was so screwed up.

Those first few months, I was out of my mind - literally - and that's one of the reasons that this "temporary death experience" was so profound. It was a SPIRITUAL reset and restored my soul. It gave me peace.

And that was the most important healing of all.