i have to suffer a shitty life from birth all because my metabolism burns a sooty flame.

So you are fat?

yes.

Meth and crack will help that flame burn cleaner and get you better has milage.

I would suggest moving to Florida.

Go see an herbalist, and a dentist, and a psychologist

Eat less move more.
It's that fuckin easy.
Now get off your fat ass or
keep cryin about it like a black bitch.

If I were fat, I would just set aside a month or two to live in as deep of wilderness as I could find. Once your body adjusted to walking/hiking around your camp and only having camp food, you would drop a ton and be able to keep it off even when you return home. Retraining your metabolism is the key.

...poor protoplasm, bad genes...sol

That sounds like it comes down to fuel.