Evening FOOD lovers! You know there’s a lot that spells DELICIOUS in Hong Kong…Ox tongue on a cold winter’s night can’t be beat…limp bread drenched in a whole can of condensed milk oozes class and sophistication…the bigger and more horrendous the pork knuckle the happier I get…everyone knows Hong Kong is a great place to eat FOOD. But if there’s one thing that spells DELICIOUS more than anything else here its fish dying a painful and humiliating death in the bottom of a restaurant tank. There’s nothing more mouth-watering than seeing a once majestic Red Emperor cowering for its life in the corner of a bare glass death tank…eyes so cloudy, beaten and deformed it looks radioactive…skin so torn and mutilated it looks like it’s been hit by a truck.

FU CK KING D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S

I'll have that dead one
I’ll have that dead one

From time to time you see such fish trying to hide behind the tank filter, behind other frightened doomed fish or amongst schools of ever paddling but going nowhere prawns. Sometimes the cagiest ones even try to float upside down and play dead. Idiots! The ones praying for a swift end to life aren’t even guaranteed that. Chances are they’ll wind up sliced in half right down the middle and on display with their mouths sucking the wrong kind of oxygen and their hearts beating a slow, sorry painful death.

But none of that shit crosses my mind when I get near a death tank. It’s all I can do to stop myself from diving in holus-bolus so I can start ripping scales off with my bare teeth, sucking eyeballs out of their crushed sockets and tearing fins off left right and center. A fish feeding frenzy. What a delicious spectacle that would be.

But I control myself and point out my victim so the guy who’s well practiced at shooting fish in a barrel can chase my meaty brain food all around the tank with a net while the kids delight in watching each scrambling, petrified and confused fish go absolutely and utterly bat shit crazy, churning the water, smashing their skulls on every possible glass panel many times over…scales everywhere…bloodcurdling clouds of urine and afterbirth. Mmm mouth watering.

It comes to me cooked well and riddled with cysts and sores. Just how I like it. Just how everyone in Hong Kong likes it.

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