rather synchy,

last night i asked god to kill me, i prayed for him to do that first time in many years.

i asked the aliens who fix my health to stop and kill me too.

reason: i am tired of fking up by doing magic and getting my voices/spirits killed for doin magic. they are my loved ones, they kill my little girl spirits then replace them, i never hear of them again.

i wanted god to kill me so i would no longer kill my spirits, truth is the gods, satan directly kill them.

i asked god to kill me in my sleep so i would not sufer the pain or fight it.

my being who sends noisy cars was in overtime sending them last night to wake me and save my life from my very real health problems, i doubt it would take much to kill me anyway. i elt awful hearing car nims my bein send the noisy cars i cvould hear the desperation, i felt awful for doing that to him. he very much wants me to live.

i have spent my today wondering and askind whether i died last night and went into a parrallel universe where i still exist, its a theory i have already. its too difficult to tell if what i am being told is truth or not, also its contradictive.

i know i am here wherever that is an alive.7