Hello AC 75199324: by choosing the number 44, you have chosen the quality of DISCRETION. Sometimes this means a strong sense of self-control when one would otherwise like to scream or retaliate .... but there are definitely cases where it is it more helpful to final and agreeable outcomes if one WAITS AND COUNTS TO FIVE before saying anything.

Diplomacy might be another word for it, or an attempt to decrease the immediate conflict so that both parties are still talking respectfully to each other rather than it degenerating into a painful shouting match. Such escalations may also lead to danger.

I don't know what your situation is, so this is just what comes to mind as I think about you. Here are some questions which may help you to sort out your situation a bit ...

What do you continue doing though you are aware of extreme consequences?
What has ‘died’ to help you to gain new perspectives and new experiences?
Does something soon have to end in a radical way so that you come to a certain realisation?
How much of your behaviour is not a chosen path but a reaction to convention?
Do you feel betrayed by your sex? Could your view of the opposite sex be stereotyped?
Do you burst out with bitter comments which are the result of unhealed internal wounds?
How can you intensify your experience of compassion and joy?
What needs to heal before you can approach others with love and sensitivity rather than with defiance?
What if everyone knew that death is simply a transition, a re-entry into light?