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ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?

 
SoberLife
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User ID: 78446523
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03/23/2020 09:46 PM

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ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
She has the opportunity to work, but she refuses to. This is a decision that may ultimately lead to our financial demise. I'm afraid I'm going to lose the house our cars.

I've attempted to speak with her about this on a few occasions, she instantly breaks out crying and it makes a rational conversation impossible. She claims she doesn't want to spread covid to people and be the reason a person dies.

How should I react to this? Am I being unsympathetic? Honestly I have no idea what to do right now. I've got less than $1k in the bank. Losing her contribution will destroy us.

Last Edited by SoberLife on 03/23/2020 09:58 PM
SoberLife  (OP)

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03/23/2020 09:58 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
bump
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:01 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
She will drain Resources.
SoberLife  (OP)

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03/23/2020 10:03 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
Have you threatened to kill her?
 Quoting: Mr. Robot


No.
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:03 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
Have you threatened to kill her?
 Quoting: Mr. Robot


No.
 Quoting: SoberLife


Sure you have.
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:03 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
The bills are under who’s name?
SoberLife  (OP)

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03/23/2020 10:04 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
The bills are under who’s name?
 Quoting: bleep


Mine, except for the water and her vehicle
wkk

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03/23/2020 10:04 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
I have an unpopular opinion, but since you asked, I will give it.
I believe she should be able to stay home if she is scared. As her partner, you should be willing to care for her needs. And at this time, this is her need. Now, I would suggest that you have the right to make sure she is not just using you.

If she is telling the truth, her time off should not be time to go out with friends. because if you are going to take a chance of losing things over this decision, then she needs to be honest with you about her reasons.

But if she is scared and honest, then you should put her needs first. It is too bad that you are so dependent on both salaries to survive. Hopefully, the money the government has. promised will help you get through the tough spot and you can make decisions that will allow you both more. freedom in the event something happens.
wkk
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:07 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
What is her job?
tkwasny

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03/23/2020 10:09 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
She may possess the "looking glass" gift and knows she will die if she goes out. You don't know that, she probably doesn't know that, yet a probable thread of her future impresses upon her present.
SoberLife  (OP)

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03/23/2020 10:11 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
I have an unpopular opinion, but since you asked, I will give it.
I believe she should be able to stay home if she is scared. As her partner, you should be willing to care for her needs. And at this time, this is her need. Now, I would suggest that you have the right to make sure she is not just using you.

If she is telling the truth, her time off should not be time to go out with friends. because if you are going to take a chance of losing things over this decision, then she needs to be honest with you about her reasons.

But if she is scared and honest, then you should put her needs first. It is too bad that you are so dependent on both salaries to survive. Hopefully, the money the government has. promised will help you get through the tough spot and you can make decisions that will allow you both more. freedom in the event something happens.
 Quoting: wkk


Thanks for responding. She has no friends to go out with, she's a homebody. It's hard to the balance her needs vs our need to keep a roof over our heads. I can't imagine it's coming out of this scenario without major life changes. Even with this stimulus, which is still hypothetical, I can't see us coming out without being financially decimated.
SoberLife  (OP)

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03/23/2020 10:12 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
What is her job?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78007325


Massage therapist at a chiropractor office.
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:12 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
IDK maybe dump her and downsize?
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:13 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
The bills are under who’s name?
 Quoting: bleep


Mine, except for the water and her vehicle
 Quoting: SoberLife


Her vehicle shouldn’t be priority, that’s for sure. And they wont take it after one missed payment anyway.

Will she lose her job? Or is this 30 day leave excusable with her employer?

I think you have a right to be upset but she’s obviously very freaked out with everything going on, and some people take it very difficult.

I dunno, I think you two should start discussing it slowly and rationally and hear out her plan. Irresponsible for her just totally shut down and pin the financials on you, but maybe she’s really mentally struggling and an argument or guilt isn’t going to knock her into to contributing.

But don’t you panic either, financially or otherwise, you two can work it out I bet.
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:19 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
What is her job?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78007325


Massage therapist at a chiropractor office.
 Quoting: SoberLife


Dude. Letting your girlfriend massage other dudes is dangerous. In times of coronavirus, it could be fatal. Give her 30 days and if you don't see why she took time off by then, you two should break up.
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:20 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
She should do WAY more than 30 days.
DuckNCover

User ID: 77927596
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03/23/2020 10:24 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
So she is very emotional...

You sure she is not pregnant...

If she's only your GF, hope you have things in your name and not jointly...

If she's not pregnant, then tell her she's lazy and get to work. Otherwise, find a new GF that will contribute financially to the relationship...
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:25 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
"...our financial demise." So you're playing house?

What does your girlfriends finances have to do with your demise? You're not married. You made a poor choice if you're living together and sharing rent.

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A BOY. IT'S TIME TO GROW UP AND BE A MAN. STOP PLAYING HOUSE.

~ I'm Judge Judy bitch and I approve this message.
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:30 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
As her partner,...
 Quoting: wkk


They are not gay men or lesbian women. He is not her partner. He is her husband.
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:30 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
Taking off is fine. There are options to work from home that she can take advantage of when she starts feeling better. Forcing her out into the world is going to bring her to a place where she feels trapped, and it also puts you in a precarious position; potentially exposing yourself to more risk than needed.
See what she can do around the house. Sell one of your cars, start to plan for alternatives. No one wants an entire nation of homeless, but if that's what's going to happen, you won't be alone.
Trust that something will happen that can save this situation from turning into doom's day. If it can't, I'm not so sure your girlfriend will make it to the aftermath.
Good luck, friend. I'm sorry this happened during your rise.
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:31 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
As her partner,...
 Quoting: wkk


They are not gay men or lesbian women. He is not her partner. He is her boyfriend.

But since they aren't married they don't have any responsibility to stay with each other.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78362947
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:32 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
get a job bitch and stop sucking off your GF..I know this is a total shill thread but feels good to say it
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:32 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
The bills are under who’s name?
 Quoting: bleep


Mine, except for the water and her vehicle
 Quoting: SoberLife


Well if she only pays the water bill and her vehicle, I really don't see the issue, surely you can pick up the water bill. And let the payments slide on her car.
EllenRipley
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03/23/2020 10:33 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
I have an unpopular opinion, but since you asked, I will give it.
I believe she should be able to stay home if she is scared. As her partner, you should be willing to care for her needs. And at this time, this is her need. Now, I would suggest that you have the right to make sure she is not just using you.

If she is telling the truth, her time off should not be time to go out with friends. because if you are going to take a chance of losing things over this decision, then she needs to be honest with you about her reasons.

But if she is scared and honest, then you should put her needs first. It is too bad that you are so dependent on both salaries to survive. Hopefully, the money the government has. promised will help you get through the tough spot and you can make decisions that will allow you both more. freedom in the event something happens.
 Quoting: wkk


thismm

You're not married, why do both of you have bills together and rely on each other without the commitment? No commitment, no guarantee that each of you would commit to paying said bills. She doesn't want to work out of pure fear, don't expect her to work.

I am also in the not popular opinion. I don't think a man should rely on a woman to get the bills paid
~Like clockwork, I commit the crime
I pretend to be everything they like
I've been here before, I've seen you before~


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Peepaws

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03/23/2020 10:36 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
It's a tough situation but I would give her a break on this. She's probably afraid to die.
Peepaws
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03/23/2020 10:37 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
gotta be honest with you OP, sounds like you both are used to a 'lifestyle' and have been living above your means. time to shift gears. the both of you.
Anonymous Coward
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03/23/2020 10:39 PM
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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
:thismm:

You're not married, why do both of you have bills together and rely on each other without the commitment? No commitment, no guarantee that each of you would commit to paying said bills. She doesn't want to work out of pure fear, don't expect her to work.

I am also in the not popular opinion. I don't think a man should rely on a woman to get the bills paid
 Quoting: EllenRipley


The cost of living is not proportional with income. During my college years I had to live with others in order to have a roof; we shared a 3 bedroom apartment between 6 people at one time. We barely made it.
My wife and I moved out of that apartment as boyfriend and girlfriend and were married a couple of years later after I found a job and started pushing to get promotions. She had our daughter, and now we have a home.
Don't decry people when you don't know the environment from which they are coming. Makes you look like an ASShole.
SoberLife  (OP)

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03/23/2020 10:46 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
The bills are under who’s name?
 Quoting: bleep


Mine, except for the water and her vehicle
 Quoting: SoberLife


Well if she only pays the water bill and her vehicle, I really don't see the issue, surely you can pick up the water bill. And let the payments slide on her car.
 Quoting: Eleven 11


You asked who's name the bills are in. She helps with all bills.

Last Edited by SoberLife on 03/23/2020 10:48 PM
SoberLife  (OP)

User ID: 78446523
United States
03/23/2020 10:52 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
Taking off is fine. There are options to work from home that she can take advantage of when she starts feeling better. Forcing her out into the world is going to bring her to a place where she feels trapped, and it also puts you in a precarious position; potentially exposing yourself to more risk than needed.
See what she can do around the house. Sell one of your cars, start to plan for alternatives. No one wants an entire nation of homeless, but if that's what's going to happen, you won't be alone.
Trust that something will happen that can save this situation from turning into doom's day. If it can't, I'm not so sure your girlfriend will make it to the aftermath.
Good luck, friend. I'm sorry this happened during your rise.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77425580


Thanks for responding and your suggestions. Working from home might be a good option here, if we can find it.
Finding Nemo DEAD

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03/23/2020 10:53 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
She has the opportunity to work, but she refuses to. This is a decision that may ultimately lead to our financial demise. I'm afraid I'm going to lose the house our cars.

I've attempted to speak with her about this on a few occasions, she instantly breaks out crying and it makes a rational conversation impossible. She claims she doesn't want to spread covid to people and be the reason a person dies.

How should I react to this? Am I being unsympathetic? Honestly I have no idea what to do right now. I've got less than $1k in the bank. Losing her contribution will destroy us.
 Quoting: SoberLife


Tell her that she needs to go on welfare, since times are hard and if she's not going to work,she needs to contribute in other ways.
I'm not paranoid...am I?
nimmerfall

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03/23/2020 10:54 PM

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Re: ADVICE NEEDED: My girlfriend refusing to work for 30 days, should I be upset?
What is her job?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78007325


Massage therapist at a chiropractor office.
 Quoting: SoberLife


can't clients come to her?
I lie dead,

but still I'm sworn.





GLP