I don't want to go back. I need to go back. You see, I love him and in 3 days it will be a year since he left. He shot himself and I died with him that very day too. I need to go back or need to find him here, now. I knew he had OCD then, but now know and didn't then, was OCPD. It's when they go down and hit rock bottom. That is when they, themselves, become aware and only then do they ask for help. Of all the things people encountering hime knowing he wanting to commit suicide should do was not done and all the things that shouldn't be done, weren't. The only person who knew something was wrong, me, never knew the pain he was in. Yet, everyone he knew did. Not one person let me know while the rest of his world did. At his funeral, every person told me how much he loved me and they didn't know each other. One week prior to his death, he told his best friends I was the love of his life and should have married.
He died alone.
I would give anything (short of selling my soul of course) if even to arrive just 5 minutes prior to that gun going off.
I don't want to go back. I need to go back.