It's been a long time since I had that thought and feeling but today I imagined and felt being destroyed forever and my soul desperately sought to escape it. I just can't freaking believe people don't care about living. And I'm not talking about death but spiritual non-existence, day of judgment death of the soul death, ceasing to exist. I can't have that. I will not. I mustn't. I can't need that. Ugh.