On September 11th 2001, I was working construction in Boston. Once the gravity of what had happened set in, I learned from the news that they were looking for volunteers with heavy equipment experience to assist with recovery operations.

As this was my expertise at the time, I rounded up a group of guys with similar experience and talked my boss into offering up some equipment to take down to ground zero.

I had everything lined up, including a low boy trailer with a CAT 980 that my boss has allowed me to requisition and take 4 hours away down to NYC... I was 21 years old at the time. His only request was to put a big sign with the company name on the side of the loader.

I made contact with some people who were in NYC, everything was lined up and we had clearance from emergency ops in the city so we would be allowed in to assist at the pile.

At the last minute, the other guys pulled out... and without them I didn't have the balls to go down there on my own, it would have just been me and the truck driver who was still on board to get the CAT down there.

This may have been a timeline split between this one and one with a very different outcome for R. Wordsworth. I wouldn't hesitate now, but back then I was just a fucking kid.

I was so fucking pissed at the time, both at myself for pussying out and for my buddies for doing the same.

Knowing now what happened to those early first responders at the pile, I may have suffered horrible long term consequences. I still wish I had gone, I think I could have made a difference.

I've been to the furthest ends of the multiverse, but 9/11/01 in this timeline seems like further away than any of them.

I wish I had gone.