"classified...flesh eating....classified"

Well that was certainly interesting. Sounds like an invasion from outer space.... "their otherworldly strength"

I vote for a pin on this one, with a gold star for whoever can find the unexpurgated text of the bill.....

bacteria... remember? It took some politician in Quebec's leg a few years ago....

This shit is scary!

I noticed he said "Jesus" after "Urban Areas"....This should serve notice to "GET THE HELL OUT OF THE CITY !"

This is scary. It shouldn't be classified if it has the possibility of affecting 80 - 90 percent of the population!

I'm not sure what to make of this. I heard mention of it being an exercise.

flesh eating disease? nasty shit.

What the fuck?

Anybody have a transcript of this.

"...due to their enormous size and otherwordly strength"

Doesn't sound like bacteria to me.

My God what are they planning for?

Want me to work on a rough transcript, give me 5 minutes to type it up.

working on it now

I see the date that the video was loaded to that site as today? When was the live broadcast video made?

Edit: loaded to the site 2 days ago

I listened to the whole thing........ Damn if it doesn't sound like the script for "28 Days Later"....

I didn't know the Onion had a political station.

Nitwits...

It was funny. Nice commentary on the REAL state of things.

Thats no moon...

Its a space station!

Exactly what I was thinking myself!

Had me going there.

I see onion span. haha

Onion News Network... it's a prank.

Google around a little....

this aint about flesh eating shit

other worldly !! protected underground birthing centres !! because of their size !! wtf!!

answers now!

and they even have a date!!

sounds like an invasion!

onion phew

Gotta love a good prank.....

How about that part about body disposal & the drafting of a new bill of rights?

MRSA is condidered a flesh eating infection. And it is out of the hospitals, and in Urban areas.

ITS A PRANK AND ITS ABOUT ZOMBIES!

had cannibal going LOL!

replace most of the word classified with zombie/s and it will make sense.

It doesn't make sense, what does it mean?

Can someone explain.

Someone played around and created this video. It's not real...it's just a joke...you are supposed to go "ha ha" and move on to the next interesting item....

Best Transcribing i can do, pretty sure its 99.9% accurate.

Congress shall now vote for approval of HR 8791 Homeland terrorism preparedness bill, err said bill requests emergency response funding up to and including, im sorry this section is CLASSIFIED er dollars to prepare for national level terrorist attack and or attack from CLASSIFIED funding for first responding personnel and vechiles would be doubled if said attack leads to more than 80% of national population being affected by CLASSIFIED this funding shall commence in conjunction with the first attack on erm CLASSIFIED or the first large scale outbreak of CLASSIFIED depending upon which comes first, civilian and military units shall be trained in containment and combat of CLASSIFIED including irradiated CLASSIFIED with possibility of CLASSIFIED airborne CLASSIFIED flesh eating CLASSIFIED and or all of the above in such event as CLASSIFIED viewing CLASSIFIED escape are released or otherwise become uncontrollable, Air Force units my also be directed to combat said CLASSIFIED due to their enormous size and otherworldly strengths, should event occur in urban areas, Jesus, thats CLASSIFIED far surpassing our darkest nightmares should casualties exceed CLASSIFIED body disposal actions shall be halted and associated resources shall be re allocated to CLASSIFIED underground CLASSIFIED protected birthing centers er new bill of rights shall be drafted and approved by CLASSIFIED, having now reviewed the bill i ask you to now please cast your votes.