How can you tell . . ..

The first time was a year before my 2nd heart transplant, I had stopped taking my meds. The reason was because I felt I didn't need them. I was full of energy, felt great, and didn't want to take them anymore. After 1 month it turns out I was wrong. I was sick and I knew it. After two months, I wasn't just sick but dying. My stomach and kidneys had shut down. I couldn't stop throwing up.

I went to the doctors and they said that my blood pressure was dropping drastically. As I was sitting there in the office.
My body was going into shock.
So I was sent to the emergency room and then I was flown to loma linda.

My mom had to fight with the doctors there to keep keep me alive. The doctors were doing all the wrong things. She did finally get her way. After a long battle and her crying at my bedside. Right before she came into my room and started crying, I was ready to give up and just die. I could feel my soul start to leave and actually it felt like angels were around me. It could have just been the drugs though. But I did decide to stay. To this day I credit my mom with saving my life.

A year later, my heart started to fail. Because of the rejection, I had developed arterial heart disease. I had a stent put in, and after that my healthy started going down hill fast. I was put on the list for another transplant and 11 days later, recieved a new heart.
That was in the year 2000.

In 2003 I went into grade 4 rejection again. Though the cause for this was forgetting to take my meds because I had to work early in the morning and I couldn't take my meds because if I eat that early I get sick. And I had to take my meds with food or else my stomach starts to hurt. It was almost the same as before. Except by that time I was living away from my mother and living with two other girls.

I had gone to the emergency room because I couldn't stop vomitting. The first time they simply gave me a bit of phenegrine and then sent me home with a prescription for phenezine. Which is an anti-vomitting pill.
The second time, I went to the emergency room, they gave me both phentinol(sp?) and phenigrine and there was a doctor there from LDS that recognized the symptoms I had of rejection. So I was shipped off to salt lake where they had a better heart program and for a week I was on strong pain medicine which made me halucinate none stop and I was put on dialysis. I only was on dialysis for 6 months. Which I hear is rare.

Wow!!!!

I'm still trying to figure out what caused all of this in the first place.

BTW, what time do you usually go to bed and when do you get up?

It's pretty late right now.

I have severe insomnia. If I don't take my ambien, then I stay up till around 3 am.

And if you're wondering what caused me to have my first heart transplant, that was due to hypertrophiccardiomyopathy. Long word, I know.
And that was actually caused by a morning sickness pill my mom took while she was in the marines. Her commanding officers ordered her to take it. That pill has been known to cause birth defects in children whose mothers were taking it. Many had heart problems.

Well it's 5 am now, does this effect your condition if you stay up so late?

This may be immaterial but have you considered suing the military for this or is this even possible?

God I haven't stayed up this late in a loooong time.

Do you get to at least sleep in? It certainly can't be good for you to be up so late.

We could have a long time ago like five years after my first transplant. But my mom is too nice. We could have made alot of money. But it's fine. We get by.

Oh yes, and staying up late does effect my condition. I do get sicker. >.<
So I should get to bed soon.

I feel like a post whore. Been talking about myself all this time. But I guess I do have alot on my mind and it helps to just talk about it.

Blue,
Please don't take this the wrong way... I remember my last death. My soul was so excited to be leaving this heavy place. I look forward to dying again - although in the universe's time - not by my own hand.

Wish you well.

Its the love of living, even when we are angry, even when we are hurting, deep down it is the love of living. Infatuation... true love.... its all the love of living, those who must face dieing, who have been shown their mortality, see it clearer then others. Get some rest, got to pack a lot a living in to a short time span.

Sometimes we just need to talk about issues we have. I think many of us here at GLP care and sure don't mind helping as we can.
Like we're all brothers and sisters of this crazy fucking planet.

Ah! I'm wide awake and happy. ^.^
lol!
Thank you guys for your kindness. I am glad that there are some caring people at GLP. I do try to be a little closed off-mostly because I don't want to people to use what I've said to hurt me- but for some reason, I have days where I can't help but say what I'm thinking, and what I'm feeling.

I do agree about the love of life. I feel that I need to do what I want to and pack everything I want to do in this short while. It actually is refreshing.. I've gotten alot of artwork done, and I'm getting a bass guitar soon.
I love art and I love music. And no it's not infatuation. It is a deep eternal love that I've had ever since I learned to draw and sing. Which was somewhere around 3 for both. I never gave up my passion.

As for my fiance, I do know I love him. I have seen all sides of him and love all of it. Even his exceedingly perverse, gross jokes. Though, maybe I'm still naive and can't tell the difference. However, I am around people who love me everyday. The way they look at me, the way my heart tends to burn with happiness a little, and how comfortable I feel around them.

That is how I feel about my fiance. I have been around people who are simply attached. I have an ex-fiance who I thought loved me, but after a year or so of dating, the love went out of his eyes and something different replaced it. Obsession. Attachment. Needless to say, he went crazy when I went in the hospital and nearly died back in 2003. We had been engaged for almost a year by then, dating for 2.

I hope that doesn't happen with my current fiance. I've nearly died in the hospital recently and he's cried at my bedside. But no going crazy yet.
But I suppose only time will tell. Hopefully I have enough.

Reminds me of a story set back in the victorian age about a women who was bedridden her entire life for a cranial medical condition, that was so precarious as to have taken her life if she merely stood up and bent over.


After relaying her condition to a friend who was visiting...the friend said

"How do you keep from it?"

Hang in there SB!

In answer to your original post, I'd say only time will tell.

Yep, it might suck, but that's been my experience.

hi, blue

i hope u r fine

and i m really glad u ll be getting ur bass soon !

cant wait to hear ur songs




ontopic

infatuated means finding someone sexy, if i have it right

but one can love also his parents, kids, animals, homeland, art, just like u said

i d say best is to be infatuated by and to love ur partner at the same time - just one wont do, i guess,
apart from the first few months
and not untill really old age


from the thread, i d like to highlight the comment bellow as most witty and has also some degree of truth in it

Hey Blue, I just caught this thread.

When did you move out of our town? Was it due to divorce?

And my final nosy question:

If you aren't in my town any more how am I going to get that pie you owe me!!!

(old thread reference hehe)

lol! Thank you. And actually, maybe this is tmi but, what if you don't wear underwear? Is that considered infatuation or love?
:evilneko:

Infatuation = SPIT

Love = SWALLOW

Simple.

Simple and correct though you can fool yourself.

ur weloceme

i dont

ts both

a :evilneko:

tmi

ok wtf is tmi?

T.oo M.uch I.nformation

learn somethin new everyday.

cool.