Any good, clean jokes?

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says "Why the long face?"

A man of faith stumbles and slides nearly off a cliff.

He grabs an exposed root on the way down and stops his fall.

He yells,"Anyone up there please help!"

No answer

He begins to Pray, "Please God save me from this I'll do anything you ask!"

A thunderous voice vibrates through him, "It is I creator of all things Trust in me and you shall be saved."

The man replies, "Oh yes! Of course! I'll do anything!"

"Let go, my Son." Says the voice.

The man Looks down, looks around, then back up.

Then says,"Anybody else up there?"

What did the monkey say when he got his tail cut off??
It won't be long now.

What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?





The taste.

Black guy walks into a bar with a huge colourful parrot on his shoulder.

Bartender sez, "Man, that's beautiful. Where'd you get it?"

Parrot sez, "Africa. There's millions of them there."



heh ....

Damn...

A rancher watches his border collie herd his sheep into the corral. He was proud of his dog, who is among the most intelligent of all breeds.

When the animals are secure, the dog notices the boss watching them, so she trots over to give him an update.

"The sheep are in for the night and all 80 are accounted for," the dog says.

"Eighty? I only have seventy-eight sheep," the rancher says.

She is taken aback: "I thought you told me to round 'em up!"

Wonder where the other two went.

last time I was at a restaurant

I ordered the poached salmon

when the waitress brought it to the table

two fish and wildlife officers came to the table

and gave me a huge fine

why was the tomato red?
It saw the salad dressing.

...

"We interrupt this program to annoy you and to make life generally irritating"
KCOR online Las Vegas. along with "Finally, there's hope for the hopeless."

Guy goes to a tailor and wants a suit, but he doesn't have much money.
Tailor tells him, "I have just the suit for you! Great material! Very stylish! Beautiful workmanship!
But it is a little uneven."

Guy tries it on. One leg is kinda sideways and the arm on one side is too long. The back is loose.

The guy says "I can't wear this! It doesn't fit."

The tailor says "For the money, this suit is great! You just hump up your back, hold one arm out a little farther and pull your leg up a bit. Perfect fit."

Guy buys the suit and is walking down the street when a injury lawyer and a doctor specializing in birth defects see him walking.

One turns to the other and says

"Well, what do you think? Was this guy born like this or did he get hurt?"


The other one says







"I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT DON'T HIS SUIT FIT NICE"

Annoying people need to learn to gtfo sometimes.

That's a good Torchie joke!

Yes,

Q: what do you get from constantly using bleach based cleaning products?

A: Slow death by chlorine

80 is rounded up from 78

as in

2.78 is rounded up to 2.80 because we have no pennies

When you go fishing, how do you stop a Baptist from drinking all your beer?


Take TWO Baptists.

They won't drink ANY beer.

Bacon, eggs, toast, and orange juice walk in to a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”

I was fired from the calendar factory in my youth.

I kept taking days off.

There are no canaries in the Canary Islands.

It is the same with the Virgin Islands;





...no canaries.

I know right?? Gotta keep their rep intact.

.

what happens when you don't pay your exorcist?














you get repossessed!

What does a gay rooster say early in the morning?

"ANY COCK'LL DO"

Say the whole joke or fuck off .

two heifers were playing poker and smokin joints...the steaks were high.

What do you call a fish with no eye's?


A Fsh.

how many cops does it take to put in a light bulb?


none , they beat the room for being black.