I've finally accepted the fact that my family actually doesn't love me

Me too. You are NOT alone.

It took me 30 years and I suffered greatly for it.

Please don't beat yourself up. Everyone wants to think their family really cares about them because that's what society tells us *should* happen. Some of us didn't get that lucky.

The best thing you can do for yourself is take care of you! Friends are family we get to choose.

Try not to look back in regret,
but look ahead for a bright and new future.

I wish you the very best!

Thank you.

Blessings to you.

yeah lets hear their side

Sometimes there isn't a "their side."

Sometimes slandering liars develop a situation where they believe their right, but they are NOT and they destroy you.

They make you the scapegoat, and once they have it planted that they think you are what their lies tell them you are there is not a chance in hell you can repair it.

In my own situation I tried to fix it. I even traveled 1800 miles. When I arrived I was treated like utter shit and nothing I said would have made a difference. Every time I spoke they looked at each other like the lies were correct and my words meant nothing.

I sincerely hope they all turn on each other in the same way now that I'm out of the picture, and they can see what it feels like.

I despise them now for being utter liars. The fact is, they are stupid as a pile of rocks. Their lies rule them.

Again, they can all go to hell.

I had a friend tell me years ago that the same thing happened with her family.

I used to be a firm believer that if something negative repeats itself it's YOU and not them...and I really didn't understand what she was trying to tell me.

Then I experienced the exact same thing and I know my old theory was crap.

People do behave like rotten garbage buckets and once you see it, there's no way to ever forgive them.

My personal hope is that they all answer to God and see the damage they caused with lies and trash talk.

Reality couldn't be further from the truth.

They are liars, idiots, and as far as I'm concerned they are TRASH.

As far as abuse is concerned, I have a sister that I absolutely despise. She is a nasty unaffectionate type of individual. Every other day throughout my childhood, she hit me and beat me all the time. When I was 4 years old, I still have a vivid memory of her walking up to me out of the blue and pushing me backwards for no reason making me fall backwards into my bicycle behind me and cutting my back on the peddle. I was screaming and crying in pain, because my back was bleeding. Mother did nothing about it. When I got older and she couldn't physically beat me anymore, the verbal abuse started. About every day, she'd call me a loser, reject, etc. Steal money out of my bedroom and deny it. Parents did absolutely nothing about it. I'm an adult now, but I still hate that piece of shit for what she did to me throughout my entire childhood.

Same thing here. I had a brother who I am certain was born to be a thorn in my side.

I remember being a kid and getting a tricycle. He dismantled it the day after Christmas and I never got to play on it.

For the rest of my life he would be the one actually doing things and blaming me, and my mother would believe him.

As a teenager I realized what a manipulative piece of s-hit he was. I would watch him manipulate my mom and it just made me sick. There was nothing I could say that would convince her about what he was doing.

Even today, I can spot a manipulator a mile away.

He was born on Halloween, I swear he was the devil.

You have to become the hero your younger self was waiting for...you have to save yourself.

No one who says, "They're going to "stay strong." is strong.

I knew a woman who kept spouting that crap and I told her, "That she was quickly and easily traumatized. And she should consider therapy."

I don't know what happened to that woman and I don't care.

I also have a buddy who is constantly talking about how he's getting stronger and how strong he's gotten over the last few years. He is just pathetically psychologically weak and folds over so many things, even minor incidents drive him almost to tears. Normally that sort of behavior would be expected in a hormonal teenager, but he's middle aged...

You can quickly and easily tell the mentally strong people from those who are weak. It's not about suppressing your emotions but rather being in control of them.

Weak people always have emotional outbursts over trivial things. That's why women are the fairer or weaker sex, their hormonal emotions rend them incapable of making sound judgements during stressful times.

One thing I have learned in dealing with at-risk kids is that most people have scars from their upbringing. Few have that Leave it to Beaver homelife that we all think everyone else but us has. And parents do love their kids and try to do what is right for them, but nobody ever gives parents a lesson on how to handle jobs, bills, and raise kids all at the same time. No matter how hard they try, many screw it up. Then, you add mental illness and/or substance abuse and it is a recipe for disaster. Parents beat, molest, verbally abuse, neglect, overly spoil their kids. That doesn't mean that they don't love their kids, necessarily. But man, I've run into home situations that would probably shock even you, OP.

The good thing for you, though, is that you are aware of how things SHOULDN'T be, so you can begin working on how things should be. If you are a good person you will collect your people, and your people don't have to be related by blood. Millions of people in this world have managed to deal with life and be happy without support from family. That support makes it easier, but it is not necessary to a person's happiness and wellbeing.

Oh, you have no idea. When you actually face the fact that people are crap you'll crumble faster than a sugar cube submerged in water...lol

It's usually the ones pointing out how weak other are who is the real weakling.

Oh, you have no idea. When you actually face the fact that people are crap you'll crumble faster than a sugar cube submerged in water...lol

It's usually the ones pointing out how weak other are who is the real weakling.

Thank you.

Ya, I feel the same. Not a single person in my family has not stabbed me in the back. Hard to name a single person family or otherwise that hasn't. If we werent blood they would have ditched me decades ago. And it's only their own arrogant ego and pride that they choose not to.. because they're 'such great people'.

But, having said that they put up with you too for 20 years. Another 20 goes by though, and you will find that all these realizations were absolutely true and correct. Go with your gut. I didn't because of my childish sense of moral obligation and it ruined me every way a person can be ruined. Trust your gut. Break away and make your own life. And dont worry about trying to make your own family. That doesn't work anymore. Just make your life as fulfilling for yourself as you can while making the smallest karmic footprint you can so you're not reincarnated or worse and can ascend above this hell hole we all find ourselves in. Oh and fk trin.

This is what you need. A dog. Nature. Bush craft skills. The ability to speak Mandarin. Everything else that doesn't improve yourself is hurting yourself in some way.

You are way off mark with this diarrhea. You're not even in the right thread.

“When you’re 20 you care what everybody thinks, when you're 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you're 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.”
-- Winston Churchill

(snopes says misattributed but f-em."

Or you promise yourself that you will Never ever be like them, and stick to your promise. It's not your fault, it was theirs.

Well, how about you celebrate it was only 20 years. I had the great awakening in my 50s after I sacrificed, trusted and, yep, financially invested in my narcissistic-ASPD family. As if those disorders weren't enough, two married borderline spouses for even more batshit chaos and drama.

Do not ever go back. They will finish the job of destroying their scapegoat, and it takes fucking strength to mentally survive the predatory BS of Cluster Bs.

You survived. Do not even look back.

.

The same applies for all the OTT "badasses" who think verbal temper tantrums, violence and vengeance are signs of strength. Lack of control of emotions and behavior whether crying or intimidation through attacks is weak cowardly shit and is the cognitive processing of a toddler.

.

Well, if you like dragging things out, whatever turns you on. I prefer to live each day happy and fulfilled.

Me too.

I wish we were Italians. They will lie, kill or die for ya.

My family is the invisible church.

Have Faith!

I had a brother do similar. He was an antagonist and would torment the shit out of me nonstop for weeks until I would finally lose it. We would physically fight; my mom would walk in, and my brother would immediately switch roles to play the false victim. I was invariably scolded because I was "older and knew better", and he would flash his sadistic smile out of our mom's line of sight.

We stopped physically fighting after he had a growth spurt, and we resorted to verbal matches. Though, he enjoyed chasing after me where I'd lock myself in a bedroom for safety.

He never grew out of what I falsely attributed to "sibling rivalry".

He's a malignant narc; he married a borderline traited person, whose mother is also borderline, and his eldest son, an adult, is a criminal sociopath. My father is a covert/fragile narc hiding behind pot and formerly whiskey. Genetic and epigenetics.

The common traits of the males in my family are a lack of empathy, no emotional connection, grand entitlement, totalitarian control, lies, lies, lies and fantasy narratives (they lie to themselves, too), public image facades, no personal responsibility, sabotage of others always in the shadows, revenge obsession, theft and exploitation, and zero remorse. Their greatest fear: truth and self reflection. It's the Cluster B playbook.

People with untreated mental illness should not be allowed to breed. The irony is I firmly believe that is needed while I'm also a solid advocate of liberty.

Why, why do people stuck at toddler have children?! It's the most fundamental form of child abuse as well as abuse on society.

/rant off/

.

Continue to be civil. Let's face it.. you don't love them either. But, they still might surprise you from to to time. Just don't count on them. Same with romantic relationships now a days. There are just too many things and issues to be distracted by and get off track. You would not want to bring a kids into this world anyways the way everything is going.

Just take care of yourself and keep your life uncomplicated. That is the road to happiness. So get a dog if you feel lonely. Talk about a more sincere love. Best companions ever as long as you don't get one with anxiety issues that tears up your furniture when you are not. Until you know your dog well, kennel them or leave them in the back yard when you are out. Good luck, and remember you are not alone on this issue. There are lots of unloved by family people. Just carry on.

Yes, always, always trust what a person shows you the first time and don't give them a second despite the deep conditioning of "the church", your parents, society to do otherwise.

These people do not change because while sone mental illness is "functional", their minds are wired differently, and mental illness does not self cure.

OP, live your life, love yourself and do not look back.