I really appreciate the difficulty you've had trying to navigate your way in the world with the knowing/understanding of the times we are in. As a mother of three sons I've had to rely on the Lord to give me wisdom on how to instruct them. They were born late '80's early '90's but I already had the awareness that their lives will be lived in the unique times of the end. I wanted them optimistic and to occupy 'till He returns...to live full lives here with Godly purpose and direction... but always with the understanding that this world is not their home and to trust Jesus to lead them in the way they should go. Don't regret your choices...the Bible tells us...if we live in heart felt repentance there is never regret/loss...as followers of Jesus our regret leads to Godliness. You probably did lay things down to walk in Truth of what Gods Spirit has shown you. But in the big picture it's all worth it. Have you ever read Pilgrims Progress? I'm sure you could find a digital copy on line. It will give you great perspective.
Also Watchman Nee. All his books are on line. He was a persecuted christian in China early 19th century. I guarantee his books with fortify your walk.

I'm really pleased you will watch the video. Ps Jack Hibbs has been steady in his walk, he has a sweet spirit too. I'm not pushing any denomination...I left organized religion in 2002 ...the Lord led me out. I now seek out true believers/followers...those who have Good Fruit...you can find them all over Christendom. Jesus said: I WILL build my church and nothing will prevail against. It's the true ecclesia...the called out ones, those He KNOWS. You are not alone OP.