Republican Voters Would Rather Bathe in Battery Acid Than to Nominate Liz Cheney for President

Thousands of Republican voters were reportedly hospitalized due to uncontrollable laughing fits. Their current status remains unknown.

The lawmaker became a more prominent political figure when she sought the favor of the left by joining the chorus of individuals pretending former President Donald Trump incited the Jan. 6 riots at the U.S. Capitol building. In fact, her aggressive anti-Trump stance has been her only defining feature, having been largely ignored throughout her tenure in office.

Republican voters seem hesitant to support a potential Cheney nomination for the presidency. In a recent poll, 58% of conservative voters indicated they would rather take a ten-minute bath in a vat of battery acid than vote for Cheney. Others preferred other alternatives with 23% stating they would rather commit Japanese ritual suicide. Still, another 15% preferred being shot in the face 20 times with a quail hunting gun.


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