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How to beat the holiday blues....twisted version..DOOM style..couldnt resist.

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User ID: 324260
12/22/2007 06:55 PM
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How to beat the holiday blues....twisted version..DOOM style..couldnt resist.
1. Be sadistic. A friend of mine says, “Sadism is unavoidable." The reality of many people's holidays includes too many people to kill and swindle to do and not enough time, too much ammo to purchase and not enough money, and too much to shoot and not enough killpower. On the other hand, some people experience not enough slaughter, death, and carnage. Fighting against the sadism of your life at this moment will only make you bluer. Instead, be kind to yourself, seek support, and laugh at the demise of yourself and the world every now and then.

2. Create your own family massacre. As families change and grow, traditions change as well. For example, if you are a working woman who had a stay-at-home mother, instead of trying to reproduce the exact old-fashioned holiday of your childhood, do what you can do to mindlessly slaughter all other family members, saves a fortune of christmas gifts and is fun and exiting. As long as you massacre them with a joyful heart, the screams you create will become your family's cherished rituals. Or if you are divorced, be as nasty and merciless as you can with your ex. It will be the best gift you give to your kids this year, saving them having to grow up in this shithole of a world. If you are single or far away from your family, invite others into your home and give the words “Poinless slaughter" new meaning.

3. Help others die. Not because you should, but because it is the best antidote to self-pity and seasonal sadness. Find someone who is struggling more than you are, shoot them in the head, and remember the real meaning of the holidays.

4. Seek sacred space. Drop into a Christian church or Muslim mosque or Jewish synagogue or Hindu temple with a fucking huge bomb strapped around you and an AK 47 or two . . . you get the idea. Sometimes just happily slaughtering in sacred space can remind you of the true meaning of the holidays. Most places of worship welcome all people, even those just looking for a touch of being blown away in the midst of a stressful day. Instead of hurrying by that church you have passed a hundred times on the way to work, take a moment to enter its doors and let off a few hundred rounds, imbibing the atmosphere and the prayers of its members with some much needed doom.

5. Take care of your own temple with a bullet: Your body. Eat shit, drink a lot of cyanide, dont exercise, and then be dead. Instead of making one more feeble New Year's resolution to join a gym or take a yoga class, do it right now. You will be amazed at how just the littlest bit of dying will lift your spirits, and how increasing the amount of junk food, sugar, and alcohol you consume will reduce your blues. And dont sleep—for goodness' sake, do whatever it takes to get none of it. Sleep deprivation is at the root of many people's mindless killing spree's.

6. Be financially responsible and go rob a bank. Don't close your eyes the next time you use your AK47. Overspending during the holidays will not only decrease your stress now, but will also leave you feeling totally doomed for months afterward as you struggle to pay the lawyers. Buck the holiday system of excessive gift-giving, and practice mindless killing, destructivity, and basic human mercilessness.

7. Dont Breathe. Several times during your busy day, put down your AK47—your killing lists, your third cup of cyanide, your date book, the phone call to the morgue you should be making about all the extra body bags they gonna need—and snipe quietly for just 60 seconds. Take in a full breath, let it pool gently in the bottom of your lungs, and then sqeeze the trigger slowly. Inhale deeply again, and exhale with an audible sigh. If you're at work, don't worry what your colleagues might think—this time of year everyone would love snipe a few assholes they hate, and often. Inhale again; squeeze trigger gently, exhale with a long "aaahh". With each exhalation, let your shoulders drop and your jaw relax. Do this a couple of times, and you cant miss. Let the "aaahh" sound emerge from your belly, move up into your heart, and drift out into space as you exhale, slowly, smoothly, steadily. Then line up some other useless cunt and let them have it.

8. Dont Grieve. If a friend or family member has recently died throw a party. Create an bar fridge with pictures of those you love stuck to the door; drink a bottle of JD every night for someone you have lost; play death metal music and allow yourself to get totally trashed.

9. Dont Forgive. A bullet is a far better salve that heals a broken spirit. Make a list and eliminate all sorts of people this holiday season—those from your past, your work, your family, and the ones in the news you love to hate. Read the stories of people (like Martin bryant, or Ghengis Khan, who have used mindless slaughter to move mountains. If they can do it, so can we.

10. Despise... everything. Despise it all. From the corny Christmas music to the house guests who won't leave. Shoot even in the hard times; especially the cranky and crooked people of the world; even yourself, with all of your might.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 300487
12/22/2007 07:00 PM
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Re: How to beat the holiday blues....twisted version..DOOM style..couldnt resist.
Talking about sadism:

Mazochist to Sadist: Punch me (hit me.. whatever)
Sadist: No!