Feeling really bad about putting father in a nursing home. Anyone ever have to do this?

It had to be exhausting for you. Spending 1 hour is like an 8 hour shift. They dont just sit there quietly for a moments rest. Its non-stop thoughts.I dont know how the staff does it.

worry only if kneegurz beez ‘working’ in the place...seriously. these vile phucks will abuse!

Your father is POS.

I made you out to be the bad guy when I read your thread title. But after reading what a scum POS your father was/is, I am on your side now. Put him in a home.

Sounds like he got more than he deserved, sorry about your childhood. But you are a really good person

Typical elderly person behavior. Both men and women, even if they were the nicest human being in the world and the most educated when young and healthy.

He will also try and kill his nurse's other patients (and their is no "the nurses", you are sharing one nurse with 50 people sicker than you in a nursing home) by demanding that she just focus on his needs, and becoming abusive and demanding when she is not in his room while her other patients are having life threatening problems.

Like I said, typical old person behavior. Medicare won't pay for patients to have a one to one nurse, and that is why nurse staffing is kept so low.

The patients are going to punish their overstretched nurse and her other patients when they don't get one to one care. Insurance executives, medicare and hospital managers never get held accountable, the overstretched nurse has all liability.

It is a shitshow, but you cannot deal with it at home without live-in 24/7 help.

There is no way to fix these behaviors. People have had so much healthcare, that unsustainable numbers of them are surviving to become like this. Hospital patients are so complicated and time consuming now, and so critically ill and complicated that they are not manageable.

Without one-to-one patient (arms length reach) 24/7 nursing care, it is a disaster for these patients and their nurse.

In a nursing home it is one nurse to 50 patients with no help. In a hospital it is one nurse to 10 critical patients with no help. There is no "the nurses". I want to punch every family member in the face who says "the nurses". Dad is sharing one nurse with 50 people and he is going to get someone killed by trying to monopolize her.

Medicare, nursing homes, insurance companies, families, and hospitals are all 100% refusing to fund an increase in the number of nurses allowed to be on duty so this just keeps getting worse year after year.

Last Edited by GeorgeSumner'sAcorn on 06/03/2021 11:28 PM

Sounds like your friend was constructing what I call "dumbfuck narratives".

These places are critically understaffed to the point that it becomes impossible to care for patients, clean up soiled patients, and ever get everyone their meds. And no, the nurse is not going to steal her Oxy.

Patients construct these dumbfuck narratives when they have no clue regarding staffing levels. They create these paranoid stories about there being multiple nurses on duty who can help but just don't want to, because they don't understand what it means to share one nurse with 50 patients.

Any suffering that occurs because the nurse cannot be everywhere at once or care for everyone throughly gets labelled as a "mean nurse". That is how managers get away with intentionally short staffing these places. The patients and families will always construct these dumbfuck narratives about the nurse instead of demanding that management staff the place properly.

You explained that so well, I never considered it from that perspective. I often leave that place feeling so bad for the staff. One hour feels like 8. My dad hits the call button constantly and Im sure they have to respond and he knows it. I'll be sitting there like 'what do you need, im right here'. It's like a game for him. If you add up the daily cost of his care ~$300/day or $9k month, he has to use easil double of those resources, so someone else is easily getting screwed. For a man who made selfishness an art-form I fully expected him to go out that way. I shouldn't say that but Im so pissed off by the entire situation. thanks for the insight.

Oh but it gets way way better OP!!!!

After all of your hard work and frequent visits and taking care of his paperwork and making sure his bills are paid and his medical care is attended to, after doing all that for YEARS by the time he eventually gets near death all of your siblings and other people who were completely disinterested in helping will all automatically show up in unison and scorn you for how you took care of it all like you are the worst person in the world!

YOU CAUSED HIS OLD AGE!

YOU CAUSED HIS MENTAL DECLINE!

YOU CAUSED HIS DETERIORATING HEALTH!

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS UNPLEASANT END OF LIFE CARE (that almost everyone goes through eventually)

I COULD HAVE DONE IT BETTER! (even though I refused to help in any way)

YOU NEVER LISTENED TO MY INPUT (even though I never picked up the phone)

THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED EXCEPT FOR YOU IT WAS CRUEL !!!!!!!



The joys of ailing parent care. It is like being a mom, you are just destined to be shit on.

Good choice. Don't let him into your home and family.

My dad went in at 79 with alzheimers.

He was nasty too, got physical with them. They put him on haldol or he would not have been allowed to stay there.

He passed about two months later from his heart. It was a blessing since his bladder cancer was coming back , he could hardly walk and was starting to crap in a diaper.

They say the haldol cause heart attacks but even if it did it was still a blessing he passed.

There is nothing you can do. Just go with it. Accept it because it will be shitty and he will pass regardless of how upset you are.

Just accept it and be nice even if he is driving you insane.

Yes. It all sounds familiar except my parents aren't in nursing homes. They were evil, abusive, awful parents to me. Yes, I had food and shelter but I paid the price dearly for it.

One thing that really helped me was blocking them and just pretending they are already dead. I'm sure that sounds harsh to people that didn't grow up the way you and I and countless other survivors did. We are made to feel horrible for wanting to protect ourselves. I was in the hospital one time covered in bruises and a nurse had the audacity to tell me that I was mistaken about my parents doing that to me. Who is she to tell me my experiences!

I'm sorry your father is a creep but you are doing the right thing to protect yourself and your family. Don't fall for the guilt.

I have now adopted a policy for when people say bs about "forgiving and forgetting" and to go to my parents. I simply ask them if they want the address and phone number and go do it. Never had anyone say "okay". LOL

Keep living your life and recognize your father will never be the dad you needed him to be and you do and will survive that.

All the best to you, OP

How many patients volunteered for the "Jab", hoping that it might kill them?

Well done for having the strength to do what must be done. Not easy.

and they behave even more abusively to the overstretched nurse.

Last night I had a 10 patient section in the hospital. Alone. No help. Each nurse is on her own with 10 patients and drowning. There is no help to be had because we are each overwhelmed.

Patients one, two, and three were so critically ill and complicated that they should have been in ICU, and if they got killed because I couldn't give them all my time individually, I could have been looking at jail time. The next three were like the OPs dad.

The last four were not critically ill and I could not get to them at any point without getting the first three killed, which caused them to get incredibly pissed off and abusive. To top that off, the family of one of the demented patients was calling me and screaming at me for not being in her dad's room enough.

And she was screaming at because on day shift he pulled his central line for dailysis out while his nurse was in another patient's room. The thanks you get for 14 hours with no break trying to keep the sickest three alive and trying to get to the others. I was in her dads room so much because he was acting like OPs dad that it nearly killed my other patients. But still, to her that it was not enough.

And management keeps cutting down the allowed nurse staffing numbers while having no liability for patient harm.

We are not allowed to have sitters for demented patients anymore (cost cutting), and ICU beds are so few in number (cost cutting) that critically ill patients on complicated drips who need minute by minute management by the nurse are being put on general wards sharing one nurse with multiple demanding and demented and other critically ill patients. Management laid off most of our aides too. Management saves money with this stuff and they never get called uncaring by the public.

We also have families demanding aggressive medical treatment for demanded patients which never works and cannot turn into anything but an out of control shitshow. These families are delusional, and when their demands create a horrible situation, they lash out at the overstretched nurse.

Saw my grandma wither her days away at an old age home, wasn't a bad place but super depressing for her As her health declined until she passed from the flu.

When I start declining like that I'm just going to check out somewhere where nobody who can't handle it won't find me

Hey there op . I used to be a cna in a nursing home . It is very difficult to do what you did . You did the right thing . Alot of the residents are there as the families cannot quit work or handle the dementia and provide full time care. There are great facilities out there . Im sure hes in a great place too . The staff is usually Very Used to dealing with grandma and grandpa being a bit oh shall we say mischievous... it sounds like this will be better for everyone.

You made the right choice there is always a noght nurse, these angels of mercy are sent by the devil himself to pull the plug so you dont have to

You realize you just described Joe Biden

Ocean kayaking. Bring a hammer.

It’s your responsibility.

Over 80% of elderly live at home and don't enter care facilities. Most will not be in those situations. Most people remain independent until they die.

Last Edited by Sungaze_At_Dawn on 06/04/2021 01:12 AM

i tried to take care of my mom all by myself, she was dementia but she was really nuts, always being physical, dangerous as hell, always messing with the burners, walking out in the street, would call 911 or fire all the time, call people up and make up wild stories, it was beyond crazy i'm still pretty sure she was demonically possessed but of course the medical world doesnt recognize that but they do believe in COVID so go figure


anyways, yeah they give you 30 days worth of olazapam, the day i run out she is crawling on the ceiling like the craziest person you've ever seen.

they make it so hard to get the medicine you need

anyways I took one of the pills just to see what it does since i'm giving it to her and well, that shit does nothing but make you too sick to run around, that's all it does.

the medication isn't for them, it's for the nursing home so they have a vegetable to take care of but.

yeah i rigged it up so she couldn't get out and harm herself or others , she had plenty of room, A LOT more room and things than at the nursing home but my evil brothers saw that as a way to get me, accuse me of abusing her or something by taking care of her, ridiculous.

i see their point, that a nursing home IS better but yeah, i wish I had a jet airplane too, i could buy one with what it costs for nursing home but

they got us, they guilt us into handing over all our life's possessions to the WAll Street nursing homes that are hottest thing for investors

well as long as they got money they don't care what happens to you

I never in a million years could have imagined my mom going to schizo, she was crazier than anyone i've ever seen in any movie or read about and she was like the most placid calm person the other 80 years of her life, it was truly beyond bizarre, there was something not right about it.

i truly believe it was demonic, like she had already died and left and something else was in her body,

Should have bought him a one way ticket to Mexico .

Asian peoples automatically give respect to elders due to their age. I say the heck with that. People earn respect. You forgave your dad, which is what Christ would want you to do. But you don’t have to take his abuse. Your conscious is clear. I’ve disowned family members for a lot less.

there is nothing worse than being held economic hostage

this world is so stupid and fucked up, we are born into economic bondage and we never get to be 'free'

we believe in a religion that addresses none of our real lie problems, the only comfort religion provides is that we'll be dead one day

or y'all were spoiled brats who drove their parents insane
and are avoiding the consequences.

.

there he is, there's the precious little hell monster

they are all around you, feeding on us, playing all sorts of evil games on us.

evil spirits, who do the bidding of their trillionaire masters

one thing i will tell you

this world is so goddamn dark and evil, the shit you feel guilty about in this world is ridiculous

these demons use evil magic to suck all the money out of you, via the satanic medical system and they love to use guilt or anything they can to steal your life earnings

one thing i will tell you

this world is so goddamn dark and evil, the shit you feel guilty about in this world is ridiculous

these demons use evil magic to suck all the money out of you, via the satanic medical system and they love to use guilt or anything they can to steal your life earnings