POST YOUR MOST OUTRAGEOUS AND BIZARRE METAPHORS AND SAYINGS.

Here are some of mine:

I feel as confused as a termite on a yo-yo.

Feeling happier than a dog with two tails.

Be yourself. Unless you are a unicorn. Then be a unicorn.

If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me.

Money doesn't grow on cheese.

When nothing goes right, go left.

Just because you're tied to the porch, it doesn't mean you can't bark at cars