THINKING OUT LOUD. (My Journal)

Sooooo there's this big controversy it seems. And that is about pets, and other creatures, created by our Creator, and whether they go to heaven when they die.

Hmmmmmmm.......

Hard Hearts - Part I

i must've been the queen of "hard hearts". I even dared God Himself to dare to come anywhere near me, and cursed at Him, and told Him to "go to hell".

i was inexplicably wounded in my very soul and heart and i had consequently become a "warrior", of sorts. I trusted NO ONE or ANYTHING. Including God.

My "armor" would stay on, thank you.

Pfffffft. Who did God think He was, anyway?

And a "Father" to me??!! Are you KIDDING me?

What did i need another one of THEM for??!!

i had already had a psychotic alcoholic biological "father" and an insane foster "father" who, although he didn't drink alcohol, was crazy-nutz, and resented and hated us foster kids.

It was out of necessity that i developed a formidable "armor". i needed it. i even had an alter-ego, so to speak. Although i sense that she was my "inner child", who was finally finding her "voice", and she was willing to defend her right to express her buried, once-silenced voice. Fiercely.

Needless to say, i had, out of necessity, developed a stone-cold-hard heart.

Why WOULDN'T i?

It's a "coping" mechanism, from trauma(s).

(more later...for now, this is Part I)

Last Edited by ShiningLightIntoDarkPlaces on 08/17/2021 09:40 AM

We all have our times. It seems a lot of us always look to blame the outside World for what is wrong in our World. While we walk our divine path we forget to look where we are going spiritually. Everything is a lesson. Our paths we walk, make us spiritually stronger and can teach us so much as long as we are listening to our hearts/soul's connection to Creator/spirit.

CanUhearMe, You have a beautiful heart. Try living in the "now" and all those lessons from growing up, You survived them all. The thoughts from the past that don't serve your highest/greatest good. Spiritual release it and let it go.

(I just wrote you a long letter and the page malfunctioned)

ugh. lol

Ugh, i hate when that happens....and it's usually after i've written a long post. I'm sorry that happened....thank you for re-posting.

What is interesting, when i think of God and how He eventually guided me, in spite of myself, is that He never ever got angry with me. It seems that He was zeroing in on, and responding to the woundings that were buried inside.

These woundings partly manifested in me not speaking for the entire year of second grade in school. i was like a lost little tumble weed.

Sometimes trauma(s) can manifest in extreme survival mechanisms, like dissociative identity disorder, or formerly known as multiple personality disorder.

(gotta get offline.....be back later)

Thanks again, 11, for posting and for your encouragement and kind and gracious words.

This is lovely, BRIEF, thank you.

Re: my thoughts on dissociative identity disorder, i never developed this particular disorder, although many have, and for valid reason. It's inexplicable, the abuse of all kinds that sooooo many have, and still do, endure, that twists hearts, minds, souls, and spirits into a tangled jangled mass of brittle distorted "stained glass", that could and often does, shatter into innumerable shards. There is the fractured soul, broken beyond "repair".

i'm shocked that there go not i.

No, i just retreated to a tightly closed shell by 2nd grade, and was mute the entire year, amongst other issues.

What stops me in my tracks, is how ANYONE survives the varying traumas that they have endured. It stuns me with wonder.

How can this be explained?

i remember a film that i happened to see on tv as i was scanning the channels. It was about a little boy who had suffered unimaginable abuse. It was based on a book titled "A Child Called It", and a true story.

Dave Pelzer was that little boy who gave an account of his own life.

He survived against unspeakable odds.

Profound parallel in this song, Blessed Jael.

Is your user name associated with a Biblical character, by any chance?

Thanks again.

.....i wasn't expecting this....

but i came across a trailer of a movie with Steve Carell in it, and it unexpectedly made me laugh so hard that my soda almost came out of my nose.

The movie is "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." It was repeased in 2014.

Jennifer Garner, who i'm not particularly a fan of, is hilarious in it.

Based on the trailer and a laugh factor of 10+, based on how hard and often i laughed, i just bought the DVD.

Ok, i'm a bit impulsive, but i need to laugh so hard that soda almost comes out of my nose.

i mean there was one slap stick moment after another, just like comedic dominoes falling, one-by-one.

The part when i laughed so hard was after a series of mishaps culminated in the mom (Jennifer Garner) yelling at her son, who's driving, to get off the phone. He starts yelling and she yells at him to get out of the car, so he opens the door angrily to get out, and something happened that had me rolling.

Ok, enough for now....i'm soooo looking forward to tomorrow when Amazon delivers it.

Laughter is the best medicine. (Taken from Proverbs 17:22)

Last Edited by ShiningLightIntoDarkPlaces on 08/18/2021 03:47 PM

RED PILLBLUE PILLTIME

"Why Public Schools and the Mainstream Media Dumb Us Down."

It's a video on the "Academy of Ideas" channel on YT.

Check it out.

G'morning, 11:11, and thank you for posting the video. You are a blessing.

Today is my thankfulness day. i am just so aware of God's blessings and how He has strengthened me and sustained me through this most bizarre and crazy journey.

i'm ever so thankful for His steadying and protecting Hand upon me, and for His staff, when He literally yanked me from the abyss, in spite of myself and my blind-as-a-bat, stubborn and willful ways.

i know now that He can do the same for ANY of us, even for some berserk members of my own family.

i do believe in generational curses. i believe that my family has been plagued with this dastardly horror, and that none of us were intended, by the enemy, to survive.

However a light shown through the murky darkness. And that light was my great grandfather on my mother's side, who was a man of God, i am told. His light shown through the darkness of generations, condemned and lost, and cursed.

I believe that God answered his prayers in several of us responding to God's grace, which is a miracle in itself.

There is no other explanation.

God HEARS our prayers.

He answers them in His own inexplicable timing.

I'm evidence of how He even answers generational prayers, generations later.

From chains to being set free.

That is me.

Our stories matter.

Reminds me of vdeo of a song "Storyteller", sung by Morgan Harper Nichols, on YT.



Last Edited by ShiningLightIntoDarkPlaces on 08/20/2021 10:05 AM

God raises beauty from ashes.

FREE HUGS.

There's a video on YT: "Free Hugs Campaign - Official Page" on the "PeaceOnEarth123" channel.

Check it out.

i'm looking forward to fall....

it's my fav'rite time of year.

One of my fav'rite quotes i came across when doing a search, is by Leo Buscaglia. It reminds me of fall, because i love leaves, and how they get all crunchy underfoot, and how they seem to run n' dance in the wind.

"I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things...I play with leaves. I skip down the street and run against the wind." -Leo Buscaglia

Last Edited by ShiningLightIntoDarkPlaces on 08/21/2021 10:44 AM

That right there is a feline form of Leo Buscaglia Syndrome lol

Delightful.

Thank you for sharing the joy.

i also love it when God "fingerpaints" in the sky amongst the clouds.

Last Edited by ShiningLightIntoDarkPlaces on 08/21/2021 11:49 AM

So, you're an ordinary pleb finally driven insane by it, eh?

Tell me, which is better -

a peanut butter and fluff sandwich

or

steak

?

LOL!

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE.

Check out "Three little pigs like you've never heard before" performed by John Branyan on the "Dry Bar Comedy" channel on YT.

This is the only three little pigs I recognize:

LOL! You needs a change-o-pace, mon.


Did you watch the video i suggested in my post above?

I demand my time back. That comedian is not as funny as he thinks he is.

Give me an example of when he was not funny.

Was it during his Shakespearean-like wordsmithing?

Well, for one, he thinks changing his vocal cords to sound even more annoying is somehow hysterical.

i dunno, he changed his vocal chords a lot lol

Just curious...did you post your above post with a dead-pan face? Or was there a trace of annoyance on your face?