the five stages of discovering what is true

Just sorting through a few thoughts and beliefs, recalling how I used to be, anticipating what I may become.

Stage one

You're tootling along, you think you have a pretty good bead on things but something's not right somewhere, something doesn't add up. It's almost like a constant annoying drone in the distance or a splinter too small to pick out easily. The world is out of joint but you just cannot put your finger on exactly what it is that's bothering you. It's fairly easy to ignore, so you do. For a while.

The thing about systems crumbling is that tiny bits begin to fall off at first. These tiny bits are very easy to dismiss, as in 'There's more homeless people downtown than I remember seeing last year,' then you put your pedal to the metal and drive on. You see prices beginning to rise in the grocery store because your dollar is buying less and less every season, but the president is on the box saying the economy is fine and things are only getting better, so you change the channel. Then larger chunks begin to break off - someone you actually know gets laid off and loses their house and it all seems to be a bit more personal and closer to home.

Then one day it reaches a critical mass. Someone or something brings the truth home to you and you immediately shut down. It's too horrible to think about but still...despite all the mental evasions, the rationalising, the justifications, you inexorably find yourself moving to...

Stage two

Anger. Some are angry at the person with the new view of reality. They tend to vehemently demonise the people who are actively engaged in seeking truth as a group of tinhats, liberals, crazy people, idiots. They cling to the status quo they have become accustomed to but still, something has shifted in their lives at a molecular level. The new view isn't comfortable, but they find they are no longer at ease with the reality they hate to give up, either. It doesn't feel like home to be there anymore. They now have two choices; stay angry at the people with the new view of reality or move on to feel anger at the people in power.

Loads of people who are angry at the people in power get stuck there. They are the ones most frequently bitching away on blogs and forums - griping, moaning, shit-stirring - yet never actually doing anything but talking about the problem. A few make it out and generally wind up at

Stage three

Despair. People self-medicate or commit suicide or bore the socks off people at parties who generally aren't ready to have their world rocked. It's a very lonely stage. Many people never move beyond it. The ones who do find themselves where I find myself now, at...

Stage four

Doing something. Whether leaving or staying, people at stage four find it's useless to trumpet their beliefs to all and sundry because - believe me - nobody's really listening. We are assaulted on a daily basis by people willing to spend vast sums of money getting and keeping our attention, from the major media to every commercial enterprise you can think of. There's no point in competing with them for people's attention and it's a complete waste of energy to try. Yet if someone asks what you think and believe about the world, answer as truthfully as you know how. You cannot convince anyone to accept what you know, you can only point them in the direction where they can discover the truth for themselves.

Sometimes a person has to pick their battles, though I truly think the fight to save the country I grew up in has been left too late, by too many. For me the only answer was to get out of the way of the steamroller.

For anyone considering their next move - either to stay and fight, stay and ignore it or to vote with their feet as I did, I would recommend that you must be willing to risk everything you possess. I am not saying that price will be extracted from you at the end - but you must be prepared for it to be. You must get yourself into the mindset of 'I am willing to risk everything for what I most desire.'

The world is what we make it, one individual at a time. I want to add to the sum total of beauty in it. A little at a time if that's all I can manage to accomplish.

I decided a long time ago that I would be doing that anyway no matter what else was going on.

Stage five is what you make it.