God bless you OP, thank you for sharing your wonderful testimony. Jesus is so good to us, and very patient, he gives us so many chances and so many clues and hints about him. sometimes those clues are pain, suffering, isolation, failures, but other times those clues are great blessings, wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.

Stay in his word and continue to seek the kingdom. You arent a loser, you're a child of the most high, who is the winner of the great war that is being waged against us. you did exactly what he told us we needed to do and that is to humble ourselves before him as a little child. have faith and be strong and know that Jesus is the LORD.