Life After Suicide Attempt

My injury was self-inflicted. It's from a suicide attempt 15 years ago. One day my life literally fell apart.

How did it start? It was not my fault, but I was sitting in Friday traffic on I-5, when I got hit by a car doing 60 mph.

Then after not recovering from my back injury, my employer said "be back to work on Monday or we are firing you", this meant losing a 20-year-old job.

Then I lost friends, relationships with kids and family fall apart too. But my job... That was the killer, without it, I can't support my family, I would fail them, just like my dad failed myself, my mom, and my sisters years ago. I couldn't bear it. I was so crushed. I decided I had had enough; I would end this now. I'm done.

I grab my shotgun, load it with d ought and walk into the woods. I buried the stock in the dirt, asked God to please forgive me for what I'm about to do, go straight on, put the barrel ion my mouth, and pushed the trigger with my left thumb.

Shockingly I wakeup in the field, still alive.

Sight comes thru my eyes again. I'm lying flat on the ground, and I think, "I'm not in heaven, and I'm not in hell, oh no, I'm in the same place".

I notice blood all over, the gun laying perfectly parallel to me, on my right side? As if someone had been holding it, or guiding it, and laid it there, by me. I'm cold... I grab the shotgun, wrap it in the blanket, and walk back to my car, placing it in the trunk.

Every step, soaking the ground with blood. My pants are bloody, my boots full of blood, my car gets soaked, it's everywhere. I get to my house, no one is home. I leave a trail of blood with each step. I go upstairs to my bed room, I'm so tired. I lay down, but then get up. I walk into the bathroom, and see my face for the first time, and notice my injury. Half my face is gone, on the right side.

I hear someone enter the front door. I close and lock the bathroom door. I hear hurried steps, and someone shouts my name (Dad)... My son knocks on the door. "Dad are you alright, what's all this blood". Yes, I'm ok, just call your mom, she will know what to do. "Dad open the door, or I'll kick it down".

My son sees my face and runs to the phone, the ambulance and police come, and a helicopter flies me to Harborview. I'm there for 1-2 months, 3 or more surgeries. Lots of blood lost, as I had severed the carotid artery.

After the long hospital stay, I return home...

To those who have mentioned thinking about suicide. Don't.
Now not only is my face a mess:
My inner ear is gone,
I have no balance,
My face is full of metal,
My eye sight is not good
I am very, very deaf.

Last Edited by rod777 on 05/01/2022 02:36 PM