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Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"

 
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05/03/2022 08:48 PM
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Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
"Why, why, why, why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place, huh?

Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren’t they? They’re all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don’t wanna know about you. They don’t want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you’re pre-born, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.

Conservatives don’t give a shit about you until you reach military age. Then they think you are just fine. Just what they’ve been looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Pro-life, Pro-life. These people aren’t pro-life, they’re killing doctors! What kind of pro-life is that? What, they’ll do anything they can to save a fetus but if it grows up to be a doctor they just might have to kill it?

They’re not pro-life. You know what they are? They’re anti-woman. Simple as it gets, anti-woman. They don’t like them. They don’t like women. They believe a woman’s primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.

[…]

Now, is a fetus a human being? This seems to be the central question. Well, if a fetus is a human being, how come the census doesn’t count them? If a fetus is a human being, how come when there’s a miscarriage they don’t have a funeral? If a fetus is a human being, how come people say, “We have two children and one on the way” instead of saying, “We have three children?” People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it’s a continuous process. Continuous, just keeps rolling along – rolling, rolling, rolling along.

[…]

See, the really hardcore people will tell you life begins at fertilization. Fertilization, when the sperm fertilizes the egg, which is usually a few moments after the man says “Gee, honey, I was going to pull out but the phone rang and it startled me.”

But even after the egg is fertilized, it’s still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins, and not every egg makes it that far. Eighty percent of a woman’s fertilized eggs are rinsed and flushed out of her body once a month during those delightful few days she has. They wind up on sanitary napkins, and yet they are fertilized eggs. So basically what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who’s had more than more than one period is a serial killer.

Consistency. Consistency. Hey, hey, if they really want to get serious, what about all the sperm that are wasted when the state executes a condemned man, one of these pro-life guys who’s watching comes in his pants, huh? Here’s a guy standing over there with his jockey shorts full of little Vinnies and Debbies, and nobody’s saying a word to the guy. Not every ejaculation deserves a name.

Now, speaking of consistency, Catholics, which I was until I reached the age of reason, Catholics and other Christians are against abortions, and they’re against homosexuals. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals?! Leave these fucking people alone, for Christ sakes! Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion! And the Catholics and Christians are just tossing them aside. You’d think they’d make natural allies.

Go look for consistency in religion. And speaking of my friends the Catholics, when John Cardinal O’Connor of New York and some of these other Cardinals and Bishops have experienced their first pregnancies and their first labor pains and they’ve raised a couple of children on minimum wage, then I’ll be glad to hear what they have to say about abortion. I’m sure it’ll be interesting, enlightening, too. But, in the meantime what they ought to be doing is telling these priests who took a vow of chastity to keep their hands off the altar boys. Keep your hands to yourself, Father! You know? When Jesus said “Suffer the little children come unto me,” that’s not what he was talking about!

So you know what I tell these anti-abortion people? I say “Hey. Hey. If you think a fetus is more important that a woman, try getting a fetus to wash the shit stains out of your underwear. For no pay and no pension.” I tell them, “Think of an abortion as term limits. That’s all it is. Biological term limits.”
george carlin
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05/03/2022 09:03 PM
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Re: Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
bump
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05/03/2022 09:19 PM
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Re: Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
"Why, why, why, why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place, huh?

Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren’t they? They’re all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don’t wanna know about you. They don’t want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you’re pre-born, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.

Conservatives don’t give a shit about you until you reach military age. Then they think you are just fine. Just what they’ve been looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Pro-life, Pro-life. These people aren’t pro-life, they’re killing doctors! What kind of pro-life is that? What, they’ll do anything they can to save a fetus but if it grows up to be a doctor they just might have to kill it?

They’re not pro-life. You know what they are? They’re anti-woman. Simple as it gets, anti-woman. They don’t like them. They don’t like women. They believe a woman’s primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.

[…]

Now, is a fetus a human being? This seems to be the central question. Well, if a fetus is a human being, how come the census doesn’t count them? If a fetus is a human being, how come when there’s a miscarriage they don’t have a funeral? If a fetus is a human being, how come people say, “We have two children and one on the way” instead of saying, “We have three children?” People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it’s a continuous process. Continuous, just keeps rolling along – rolling, rolling, rolling along.

[…]

See, the really hardcore people will tell you life begins at fertilization. Fertilization, when the sperm fertilizes the egg, which is usually a few moments after the man says “Gee, honey, I was going to pull out but the phone rang and it startled me.”

But even after the egg is fertilized, it’s still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins, and not every egg makes it that far. Eighty percent of a woman’s fertilized eggs are rinsed and flushed out of her body once a month during those delightful few days she has. They wind up on sanitary napkins, and yet they are fertilized eggs. So basically what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who’s had more than more than one period is a serial killer.

Consistency. Consistency. Hey, hey, if they really want to get serious, what about all the sperm that are wasted when the state executes a condemned man, one of these pro-life guys who’s watching comes in his pants, huh? Here’s a guy standing over there with his jockey shorts full of little Vinnies and Debbies, and nobody’s saying a word to the guy. Not every ejaculation deserves a name.

Now, speaking of consistency, Catholics, which I was until I reached the age of reason, Catholics and other Christians are against abortions, and they’re against homosexuals. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals?! Leave these fucking people alone, for Christ sakes! Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion! And the Catholics and Christians are just tossing them aside. You’d think they’d make natural allies.

Go look for consistency in religion. And speaking of my friends the Catholics, when John Cardinal O’Connor of New York and some of these other Cardinals and Bishops have experienced their first pregnancies and their first labor pains and they’ve raised a couple of children on minimum wage, then I’ll be glad to hear what they have to say about abortion. I’m sure it’ll be interesting, enlightening, too. But, in the meantime what they ought to be doing is telling these priests who took a vow of chastity to keep their hands off the altar boys. Keep your hands to yourself, Father! You know? When Jesus said “Suffer the little children come unto me,” that’s not what he was talking about!

So you know what I tell these anti-abortion people? I say “Hey. Hey. If you think a fetus is more important that a woman, try getting a fetus to wash the shit stains out of your underwear. For no pay and no pension.” I tell them, “Think of an abortion as term limits. That’s all it is. Biological term limits.”
george carlin
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 79641234





...just shows you can be funny and still extremely wrong...
Anonymous Coward
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05/03/2022 10:02 PM
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Re: Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
Love George.

Always told it like he saw it - no holds barred.
Anonymous Coward
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05/03/2022 10:05 PM
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Re: Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
True
Anonymous Coward
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05/03/2022 10:06 PM
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Re: Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
Republitards arw sheeple too
Anonymous Coward
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05/03/2022 10:09 PM
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Re: Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
George Carlin was a prophet.
Anonymous Coward
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Greece
05/03/2022 10:12 PM
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Re: Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
George Carlin was a prophet.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2437349


No, he just used his common sense and educated himself about words and how to use them. Effectively too.
Reebl

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05/03/2022 10:17 PM

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Re: Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
Here is my mic drop moment.

We look for life on Mars in the form of microbes. Yet, we don't see a beating heart in a womb as life here on Earth.

This seems to be a bit of a conundrum to the Logical thinking people.
There is no fortune to be gained by a cure, there is however a great deal of profit to be made from treatments. ~Mark Twain

If you want to live forever, live a life worth remembering. ~Bruce Lee

You will find something in everything if you are looking everywhere for a thing. ~Reebl
Anonymous Coward
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Greece
05/03/2022 10:24 PM
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Re: Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
Here is my mic drop moment.

We look for life on Mars in the form of microbes. Yet, we don't see a beating heart in a womb as life here on Earth.

This seems to be a bit of a conundrum to the Logical thinking people.
 Quoting: Reebl


They rather make viruses that are mindless and fill them with embryonic meta worms.
Anonymous Coward
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05/03/2022 10:34 PM
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Re: Mic Drop: George Carlin circa 1996...when shit made sense and life was more "normal"
Damn right! Thank God for abortion! Otherwise America would be 90% knees n grows and you don't want that.





GLP