I would start by saying that the vengeful God of the Old Testament is misunderstood. As is the long suffering God of the New Testament.

Most of the things people take umbrage with in the Old Testament were judgements that God carried out against the Nephilim and their followers. It's a long story, but the Nephilim are essentially demons in Judeochristian theology, and they started religions whereby humans worshipped them through human sacrifice and divination.

So in most cases where God is doing something seemingly uncharacteristically cruel, it's against those people (using the term people rather loosely).

Likewise, people misunderstand God's longsuffering in the age of Grace. They think He's changed. Like before He was cruel and menacing, and now He's almost a pushover.

Quite the contrary. The Bible says that judgement has been postponed to give as many as possible the chance to repent. And when Jesus returns, it won't be to preach the gospel, but to judge the nations.

It symbolically describes him with a two edged sword coming out of his mouth. That denotes a specific type of sword that was exclusively used by executioners at the time. In other words, He's coming back to hand out death sentences.

God is the same as He's always been. He's long suffering and quick to forgive those who stumble and repent. The God who forgives adulteresses and prostitutes is the same God who destroyed Sodom, and the same who will destroy the world in the last days. He's not a beast, but He's also not a pushover to be trifled with.

Lastly, I would be careful of believing NDEs. The Bible says it's appointed unto man to die once, so the idea of dying and then coming back conflicts with scripture. Not surprisingly then, most if not all NDE experiencers come back with ideas that aren't really Biblical. Mostly notions that everybody is saved and you don't really need Jesus and things like that. They basically come back as full on New Age teachers.