My Daughter: Endless cycle of negativity

Sounds like both of my kids and they turned out fine. You probably forget what a dick you were at 15

School and grades and especially homework is no indication of a successful life but maybe nagging berating parents who just cant let go of the idea that these goals have to be met in a specific way and time are.

Maybe its time you spoke to her about her goals for her, not your goals for her

A master mason does all the sucking at the lodge glory hole. Service to bring joy to his fellow brothers.

I have several children and at least one or the spectrum and all have been diagnosed with one or more things.

Getting a therapist, a diagnosis, possibly some medication will most likely help. If she is on the spectrum, that does qualify for special needs help in school and possibly with therapy.

They are training them to doubt you, compulsively lie, feel bad about themselves, accentuate and intensify weird behaviors in mainstream media (Disney, sitcoms, pop music) social media, Instagram, TikTok, you name it.

Best of luck, you aren't alone.

I do agree with this. We can many times set standards and expectations well above what a kid should have to deal with. It is a fine line between pushing them to achieve their potential and keeping their sanity (particularly in their teen years).

Okay Moms and Dads… I know some of you are very interested in this thread… as you should be. I was a single dad with two boys.. but I lost them and failed.. but I tried like hell to make everything work.
Cut to the chase.
Your Children, in their Terrible Teens, are suffering from straight up Hormone Imbalances. Nothing more or less.. This Problem can be solved with Vitamins and Minerals.
No Bullshit.
I fucked up when I said the words hormone imbalance to my kids.. and they would not touch them..
Say anything else.. tell them these gummy’s will give them big tits and cocks! Tell them it will make them better at video games! Tell them anything besides hormone imbalance!!
The product is from Natures Way.. the line of offerings is Alive… they have lots of choices and in all forms. I have talked to parents that say that these vitamins saved the sanity of the entire household once everyone was taking them.

I remember what a traumatic bunch of bullshit being a teenager was.. I would not wish that crap on anyone!! I used to marvel at the fact my sons had long stretch marks on their legs because they were growing so fast.. it is just like a little baby.. it hurts and is traumatic to grow so fast!! It’s no wonder babies are cranky sometimes!! It hurts to grow up!!!

Please consider these words from me to you and your family.. I am really and only trying to help my brothers and sisters out there…

"If we can't talk to each other, we're not going to make it....."
[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

Stop putting so much pressure on the children. She's what? 13?

I don't understand parents that don't see their children as people. She has her own wants and desires. She has her own interests. She has her own thoughts. Do you even take the time to learn those things about her?

Your relationship with her is non existent. Give her some fucking breathing room and I bet she won't disappoint.

Stop being a bulldog and start being reasonable and understanding. What does she have to be motivated about?

Plus there might be something going on at school with other students or teachers that you don't even take the time to know about.

P.S. Public school is a joke and she probably sees that.

lol.. All being a master mason entails is memorizing a bunch of stupid rituals and lines, repeating them back, it's not all that secretive, you can see most of there secret stuff on youtube now.

Is there a reward when she gets good grades? More than praise. Like maybe, $100 for each "A".

He never told you the secrets.

We went through some of this with our youngest who had Aspergers. She was in counseling her entire Jr and High School and had a counselor in grade school as well. They were great and the school paid for it. We also did up a plan each semester and met with the teachers all together to work with them on how to help manage her. Her IQ was well over 135. Super brilliant and a super pain in the butt taking her anger out on one of us. We never reacted or yelled at her. Doing that would just make things worse. She had the mini horses, cats, rabbits, and started raising baby chick when she was around 7 or 8, so we had chickens for years. She's a very talented writer and writes a book every year. She's now 26 and works at the hospital. Is responsible, kind, compassionate and an amazing person. When she was little I didn't know if I would survive her acting out, yet never took any of it personally. Aspergers wasn't her fault, it was the childhood vaccines.

Due to her Aspergers we started her on neuro-biofeedback when she was 4. We're in the medical/mental health field so got the equipment so that we could do her treatments at home. We knew her daily temper fits was not her fault. So we learned how to do the timeouts at an early age. We got rid of the TV when she was six so that was a non-issue but did watch DVDs from time-to-time.

I think we just endured. She also was an A student who would leave her homework in her backpack and lie about having any. This is where being in close contact with both her teachers and school counselor helped a lot. We rewarded her by giving her $10 for ever A she got.

We never, not once, felt betrayed. She's a child, we're the adults. Certain acting out behaviors are normal at that age. We just worked around it.

Others have posted some excellent suggestions. Find out what she likes in school and try to build on that. It could be music, art (we told our daughter to take all the art classes she wanted to help relieve her stress), dance, sports, drama.. something that is fun for her to do. Try to compliment her when she's doing something you approve of.

I wouldn't take anything away.. as that doesn't seem to be working. We would make Earl Gray tea daily and have her take breaks to relax..she also went for daily walks throughout the day when possible. Does she have a pet? Does she want one?

She will grow out of this... however the 9th grade can be heaven or hell depending on what's going on. Does she have any friends? If so do they do things together.. even getting together to make pizza and play games. Do you have a game night were you all sit down and do something fun?

Finding fun things to do helps build a more positive relationship with her. She also needs alone time with each parent where they can hang out. Cooking, working around the house, an outing for ice cream.. hobby, sports.

These next few years she's transitioning from a girl to a woman and her hormones are likely to be all over the place. And her self-image is in flux as well. Work to focus on the positive. It's normal for this age to want to hang out with their friends.

Since you're the parent and not the friend, your role is different. Parents set limits and model the type of behavior they want their kids to emulate. They request their children to join them with basic family chores and work to reinforce when they do something right.

And you can give her rewards for the type of behaviors you wish her to develop.

Good luck... and someone sitting down with her during homework time might benefit all involved as well.

Last Edited by Proud American Supporter on 10/05/2022 07:42 PM

I second the horses and guns. Both require a lot of discipline and self control.

Make this time easier with the proper vitamins and minerals Mom and Dad.. No Bullshit.

Nutrition, nutrition, nutrition.

Find a GOOD quality multi—Rainbow Light for teens is good.

I know it’s hard but try to keep her diet clean. My secret weapon with my kids was an Island Green smoothie with whey protein from Tropical Smoothie. Took care of the daily fruit and greens requirement.

Sit her down at a table, look across the table at her and say, "Honey, I love you." See what kind of reaction she has. If she smiles and warms up to you then you've created a bond. If she laughs at you and says, "right, sure you do", then you've got a deep problem. Has she had anybody do "bad" things to her? Would she be willing to talk about the "bad" things? Show her love at all times. Frustration will come to you but push back the feeling to lash out. Be empathetic and see if you can do anything for her, in a loving way.

Home school or private school.

That's your answer, and that's your choice.

I was like this in Middle school. I was lazy. I put stuff off. I was under major stress because I didn't do the work. My parents did everything punishment wise to help. They grounded me. I got spanked for bad report cards and months of no tv. I lied and even changed my report card. It took until 10th grade to catch on. For my kids I remembered back to what it was like and we did things different. We sat with them every night with a list from their teachers and made sure they completed all their work. We never punished for grades. We never grounded from anything. We only punished immediately for disobedience. When it was time to work, it was time to work. They learned to work. even in the summer I had 2 hours of their time to work each day. Even if I had nothing for them to do I made up things. The job wasn't important, Work ethic was.

We Kept their heart. Never let them get quiet for to long. Always engaged them and brought them out of their teenage shells through family activity. I spent time thinking about their interests and then figuring out a way to engage them as much as possible in whatever they were and then I learned that interest so I could play a part whether observing or doing somehow helping to make those interest flourish.

How'd they turn out. 1 has a family of 6 and is a President of one of the largest Home Health companies in the US and is an ordained minister, 1 Works in trucking and has a family of 6 and number 3 is newly married a High functioning Autistic Cyber Security Engineer graduating this winter with his Cyber Security Degree w 9 Certifications.

I did alright too. Married 40 years this March. I became a VP at 27 and a Cover of Information Week Magazine at 33, CIO at 34 and ever since.

Last Edited by TidesofTruth on 10/05/2022 08:08 PM

I have been through that and you have my sympathies! My advice is simple. Start taking sh*it away from her. Worked for me every time! Best wishes!!

100%

OP you did a shit job as a parent.

You acted selfishly.

Now this retard is unable to find her 'talents' in the shit world she lives in.

Good luck loser

But what is her REAL passion? What would she LIKE to do?

Creativity comes FIRST, not the brainwashing at school, all that one can look up in Wikipedia, lol.

The important thing is what you can create, sometimes it takes decades to find that out, your purpose, tha thing your good at, you could work on that, it will then stay with her.

This is a really tough age for anyone. I’d say the most difficult age in our lives is right around 7-8th grade. Try to be patient with her. We are all terrible people around that time, coping with a child’s mind in a newly-adult body, hormones, suddenly being noticed by opposite sex, shit tons of new onset peer pressure. In short, everything is fucked. Starting period. A good percentage of her classmates are already sexually active and I’m sure that awareness does a number of them. School will suffer during this time until things level out, around 9-10th grade.
My advice is to give her as much freedom and autonomy and privacy as you can stomach. Find out if she or her friends are sexually active, or nearing that arena. If so, get her on birth control asap and don’t make a big deal about it. Have the wife handle that part and don’t even mention it to her. Let her see her friends and also see boys, within limits. Try to treat her with respect and privacy and let her make more decisions for herself. She’s going to make mistakes, let her, this is part of her learning process. You HAVE to let kids make mistakes on their own. They don’t learn by punishment or by you explaining something to them.

Well if you went ahead and injected her with some shit, or put her on psych drugs, you can straight up start pointing that blameful finger at yourself.

I am going to make a general reply to the post above. This is not meant specifically to OP or his situation

I think that we need to stop thinking things are OK just because they’re teenagers. Of course it’s a difficult time, but somehow we started letting them excuse themselves because of their age.

I remember Starting puberty and acting bratty. My mom just looked me straight in the face and told me that everybody in the world has the same problems. Every woman in the world feels this way. Get over yourself. And the thing is she meant it. Maybe we need to give them a little bit of leeway. But we also need to have high expectations.

Last Edited by wkk on 10/05/2022 08:51 PM

Let her learn a trade. College is terrible now anyway. I feel terrible for anyone dealing with the digital world as a teenager. Shit was bad enough before Internet culture became a thing.

Ignore asshat shills like these, OP. They all have significantly greater issues than you are dealing with, and only expressing their pain. They are dead inside; hence, not the best life coach.

Ignore asshat shills like these, OP. They all have significantly greater issues than you are dealing with, and only expressing their pain. They are dead inside; hence, not the best life coach.